Prelude to A Book

Fallacy News

2012-02-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

You can't make this stuff up.

I went to a new sandwich place in town and brought my Kindle. I'm reading a book called 42 Fallacies, which has been a great refresher on the basics of logic and argumentation. The book illustrates fallacies in all forms.

This particular sandwich shop chose to play Fox News on its two TVs. They also cranked up the sound pretty loud, so I couldn't ignore the show completely.

It was like listening to my 42 Fallacies book in audiobook form. Specifically, I listened to Megyn Kelly's mid-day show. I lasted 15 minutes.

I was reading about the fallacy of relying on experts outside of their area of expertise while she interviewed Ronald Reagan's son (the conservative one, not the one who rebelled) about something other than being raised as a spoiled rich kid. They actually argued about whether his father would be welcome in today's Republican party. She presented him as an expert, and then she argued with him on his father's views. The questions were really just statements accompanied by opportunities to agree with those statements. ... followed by punishments for failure to agree with those statements.

It was insanity. I was literally reading the perfect fallacy description as I listened. Although, to be fair, that was going to happen eventually so long as I chose to read that book while sitting there.

FLASHBACK: Years ago, I was at Dave's place watching a national title football game (I believe a certain iconic running quarterback was involved) when we decided to switch to Fox News for dumb curiosity. I had never actually SEEN Fox News beyond background noise to that point and proceeded to throw pillows, shout obscenities and lose my lid over what I thought was an intellectually-insulting presentation. On that night, Bill O'Reilly provided the fodder.

That was the night I learned that Fox News cannot be taken seriously. And my memory of that night came back to me at lunch.

BACK TO THIS WEEK: I then listened as Ms. Kelly made leaps in logic that would scare a daredevil while reading about (you guessed it) massive leaps in logic and how they are intellectually lazy.

She interviewed Mr. Bolton (the former ambassador to the UN who was philosophically opposed to the UN) explain how Egyptian extremists are not worried about losing funding for their country by resorting to violence because the "current administration" will just allow that. Her questions were softballs and she injected a "pshhhawww" quality of sarcasm into every sentence to make her disdain for the president clear.

I pushed on in my book to the "fallacy of fear tactics and appeals to emotion" when this happened:

The TV darkened into an ominous teaser on pet snakes that escape. The teaser had a "lock yourself in your house" hysteria feel and featured dramatic music and pictures of gigantic snakes. I started to pack my stuff up during the commercial. As I was leaving, the snake story came on and included the quote (paraphrasing from memory) "they are actually harmless, but they eat a lot and grow quite big."

Wait, what? I was living this book in real time.

Things were getting surreal, and I bolted that place in hurry. I even debated about explaining to ownership that their choice of network damaged my desire to ever return, but then thought I'd leave them to the Social Darwinism they so cherish. The market shall decide that store's fate.

That said, it's not usually a great business model to waive any political flag when your goal is to maximize money people spend on your product. Then again, it's also not a good idea to associate with fools, but there seems to be a pretty big market for that as well.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

2011-12-19T18:30:00.000-08:00

I got an e-mail from my friend Dima a few months back. Dima was an exchange student at my law school and he became a very close friend. I hope to never lose contact with Dima. I always love getting an e-mail from Dima, and I've been thinking about his most recent e-mail because of how he described Spain.

Dima was born and raised in Russia and he lives near Moscow with his new wife. They traveled to Spain for their honeymoon and seem to have had a great time. So, what did Dima say that got me thinking?

Here is a portion of his e-mail.

"We didnot feel any crises in Spain, but when we came back to Russia - the TV says every day that Europe is in very poor situation. Some countries - like Greece, Portugal, Italy and Spain are very clouse to defoult. What do you think about it?"

I responded later in a general way, but I have been thinking much about it. I wrote:
"The default issue is a concerning one. Too many countries have spent too much money. The world financial situation will be a challenge for this generation."

But, I think I have more to say on the topic because I finally know why Dima's observation seems so illuminating to the issue. It would take non-Western eyes to see what would be too normal for me to notice. Spain, by Dima's account, looks beautiful. He complimented the architecture and called his trip fantastic. So, why does Dima's question illuminate the issue?

Because Europe and the rest of the Western world has brought itself to the knife's edge financially to maintain an obscene lifestyle. So many countries are ready to default because they were willing to borrow not just to fill emergency needs or invest in itself, but to finance an unsustainable standard of living without long-term sanity.

It would be like discovering that a millionaire went bankrupt. The thing is, though, that millionaire's go bankrupt all the time. When I learned that former Denver Nugget player, legend and coach Dan Issel went bankrupt, I was surprised. The newspaper listed debts of a lavish lifestyle. Horses, a leveraged mansion, and more vet bills than should be incurred in 10 lifetimes (in a related note, horses will ruin even the very rich... I've seen this particular thing happen many times).

Yet, if I were to have visited Issel the day before he went bankrupt, I bet I would have been impressed with his estate. I cannot know what it was like for sure, but it seems fair to guess that it would have seemed fancy. Mr. Issel aside, I bet some millionaire somewhere paid for the house cleaning service while skipping house payments. And, the place would look wonderful!

It seems to be the side-effect of having too much.

I visited Dima in 2003 and had a great time. While there, I took detailed mental pictures of the little differences. Russia seemed like the burgeoning capitalist society everyone says it is. It was rough around the edges and looked like a country trying to make its way. Much was similar, but it was wilder, unregulated (I do not think regulation exists there) and rugged.

Dima once complained about seat belt laws while a student here in the states. I remember him saying, "and you guys say you are so free!" We all laughed about that one. As I think about it now, it makes me think of the Internet comedy sensation "First World Problems." These pictures feature people who look absolutely miserable, sad or frantic and feature saying like: "I poured a bowl of cereal before checking to see if we had any milk. We didn't."

The point is that his perspective makes this "crisis" look so much different to me. When someone is going broke, we think of that person selling the extra toaster or downgrading vehicles. What Dima showed me was that broke people can also go down the drain while lighting cigarettes with $100 bills. Russia looked like a country trying to upgrade to own its very own toaster. Meanwhile, Spain and much of the West in general is "supposedly" going broke without selling any of its 10 toasters.

We bitch. Things are comfortable, but we bitch. And we can't give up any of our 20 toasters even though we can't pay rent. In fact, we "consider" giving up one toaster even though everyone should know that won't solve anything. Seriously, have you listened to our political discourse on this? We don't want to give up ANYTHING of any actual value. Fighting a 3% tax hike on the wealthy is like saying we shouldn't give up ONE toaster even though that wouldn't help much anyway.

We won't even go down the drain lighting $50 bills instead of $100. So, we look a little too much like Dan Issel's house probably looked before he filed the bankruptcy, complete with stables and spotless banister.

In short, we all must look like fools.

Updates

2011-11-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

... Jacob is rocking Kindergarten. He's destroying it. The kid likes to learn and he's good at it. He's lapping the field. We're very proud of him.

... We went to Arizona for the week of Thanksgiving. It was a good time. I enjoy warm weather. It was good to see Jen's Uncle Bob and Tommy boy. Best of all, we could wear shorts comfortably.

... I'm sick of games of chicken with everything. Politics is a series of brinkmanship tactics and it's getting really really old. Even the NBA ended up being a big game of chicken. We will have a 66 game season. I am happy the NBA is back, but the first Nugget news is that Nene won't be re-signing with Denver. Just when I was getting happy to have basketball back in my life. D'oh!

... I'm going to be reading a few science fiction books to end the year. That should be interesting. This year has been a good reading year.

... I now work for Kaufman & Findley, P.C., which is nice.

... I'm only asking for amazon gift certificates for Christmas so that I can load up on kindle books. Lots of good books to read.

... Jacob and I have been going to a church in town I discovered through a funeral service. Very good pastor who preaches very intellectually. It's very entertaining to hear him preach.

... I finished War & Peace and changed its ranking from 8 to 2 on my all-time list.

... One new year's resolution at a time will lead a person to success. With that in mind, I'm thinking of making the expansion and sharing of my story that goal. That and more books read than this year.

TOP 20 Books I've ever read

2011-10-16T23:27:00.000-07:00

After reading Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole, book club we all compile our Top-10 book lists so we can discover such hidden gems again. It's weird to call Dunces a hidden gem considering it won a Pulitzer Prize, but it seems to be a cult classic.

So, I started compiling my top 10. I was surprised how quickly it came together, but it didn't take long to start feeling bad about leaving out certain titles and authors. For example, I'm ashamed to say that my initial top 10 did not include anything by Dostoevsky. I am staying true to that initial list for the most part because I am currently reading a book that suggests over-thought decisions often lead to disappointment. But, Dostoevsky had to be in there and now he is.

Books carry certain emotional responses that guide any rating. My list is no different. In fact, I am not sure I would have some of these books listed had I read them at any other time in my life than the time I read them. Revisiting the feelings inspired by these books has been a real joy.

I decided to compile my top 20 to accommodate those great books and because I feel like it.

So, without further ado, my top 20 books of all time.

20. (tie) Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell and Moonwalking with Einstein, by Josh Foer. So sue me, I'm adding a book. I couldn't leave either off, so they can both carry the "behavior science" flag that would be wildly missed among any list of my favorite books. Outliers changed how I look at and handle people and Einstein showed me how to use memory palaces.

19. Downtown Owl, by Chuck Klosterman. I read this book after I had finished a draft of my short story and decided this was the kind of book I wanted to write. This book is awesome. It's very "slice-of-life." It has some great phrasing... such as: "He told Cindy Brewer that her voice reminded him of 'a cuntier version of Joan Rivers;' or "He probably enjoyed remembering their conversations more than he ever enjoyed having them;" or "He once punched an alter boy in the chest for ringing a bell incorrectly (which, to be fair, did improve the overall quality of pre-Mass bell ringing by an unbelievable degree."

This book is about a small town and the basic "goings-on" about town. The writing is witty and fun. It is enjoyable and intelligent. I enjoyed it very much.

18. The Book of Basketball, by Bill Simmons. That's right, a basketball book. I laughed so hard reading this book. I love the NBA and basketball. I also love comedy and this book is one of the funniest I've ever read. I stayed up late waiting for the kindle release with my kindle logged on so I could start reading as soon as possible. I've read it twice in a year's time and may read the paperback yet this year. Dave included a book by a wrestler, and I'll include Simmons.

17. Profiles in Courage, by John Fitzgerald Kennedy. I took this book with me to New York when I had a summer internship at Time, Inc. Instead of going out in Manhattan, I read this book and was inspired to aim a little higher. A very inspiring book with great examples of political courage.

16. Guns, Germs & Steele, by J. Diamond. Diamond asks one of the boldest and most uncomfortable questions about human history: Why did certain societies and people progress faster than others? He answers that question definitively. Although his book was very, very detailed and thick with information, I think his conclusion is simple. The mass of information proves his simple conclusion conclusively in my mind. The difference? Chance. Geography. I am convinced that any group of people, if they began civilization at the Fertile Crescent, would have been the ones to thrive rather than suffer. This book was not always easy to read (and sometimes downright difficult), but it earned the Pulitzer it won.

15. Bearing the Cross, by David Garrow. The definitive history of the Civil Rights movement and Martin Luther King, Jr. (one of my heroes). A view inside the dirty work of moving a people past prejudice (at least in the legal sense). The burdens of being the face of the civil rights movement were beyond comprehension. King is shown with all his brilliance and his flaws equally. An inside look at the cross he carried will leave you breathless.

14. Brothers Karamozov, by Fyodore Dostoevky. The greatest diversity of deeply plumbed characters I am aware of in literature. The characters serve purposely diverse and yet interdependent personalities and paradigms. The concepts tackled in this book are deep and thorough. The Grand Inquisitor is a masterpiece of its own and it is just a part of one chapter. This book is listed as the greatest novel ever written by more than a few sources.

13. Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole. Ignatius J. Reilly is one of my favorite characters ever created in literature. This book is funny and a complete joy to read. I just finished it and it made a very strong initial impression that carried through the duration of the book.

12. 1984, by George Orwell. I did not read this book in high school like so many others. I read it many years later, but I enjoyed it deeply. This book introduced words and concepts to our culture and our dictionary (groupthink... Big Brother... etc.). This book impacted our culture and it will make you think long and hard.

11. Memoirs of the Second World War, by Winston Churchill. A first-hand account of WWII by one of its heroes. You will hear Churchill's voice on every page. I love that he makes no bones about this being his attempt to win the narrative of the war. I also love the amazing information and his unique and brilliant (although un-apologetically self-serving) commentary.

10. Crime and Punishment, by Fyodore Dostoevsky. The only author who can stand in the same zip code with Dostoevsky on character depth is Leo Tolstoy. It's those two alone and then everyone else looking up at them. Raskolnikov is an all-time great character and Dostoevsky's creation of his inner dialogue is brilliant. The reader is inserted into Raskolnikov's mind and witnesses his guilt, survival instincts and torment. It is a book about the mind of a man trying to cover up his crime. This is Dostoevsky at his best (and I say this even though Brothers Karamozov is widely considered his masterpiece).

9. A Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger. I do not remember much of the plot. I remember Holden Caulfield and that I related to this book because I had moved during my 10th grade year. The famous quote from this book spoke to me at that time: "Don't ever tell anyone anything. If you do, you start missing everyone." That quote fit for me when I read it.

8. War & Peace, by Leo Tolstoy. I am almost done with this one, but I need to put it here with flexibility to move (but not too much) either direction. Already, this book has proven to be profound in a way I can appreciate only as an adult. This book is the wisest novel I have ever read about people. To paraphrase one of our "gifted and talented" book club members, "if you can't relate to a character in a deep way, you aren't paying attention." It is true, as shown by the many posts made on this blog about this amazing tome.

7. The Old Man and the Sea, by Earnest Hemingway. I have read this book probably 4 or 5 times. It is brilliantly written, and the story is so wonderful and pure. This book was one of the first I was able to appreciate on a deep level. I read it in 8th grade. The story is so simple, and the fisherman in this book is a monumental character in literature. I read this book in German (Der Alte Mann und Das Meer) and somehow felt like I was reading it anew. And yet, nothing was different.

6. A World Apart, by Gustaw Herling. Among all the sadness and horror of this book, the part that I will never forget involves the most painful and yet joyous defecation ever described. He describes the joy of freedom from a Gulag while emptying his body of a turd that had been so thoroughly mined for nutrients by his starving body that it was essentially a rock. I have at times read just that chapter because of the amazing power of that scene. The tears of pain and joy are powerfully described.

5. The First American, the Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin, by H.W. Brands. I love Benjamin Franklin. The amount of information in this book was amazing and it was a page-turner even though it is very long.

The introduction will pull you in for good. From the Prologue, I can still see the image placed in my brain by the author of Franklin walking into Parliament as a loyal British citizen, suffering a humiliation that clarified the true divide in his mind between Britain and the Colonies, and then leave as the first American citizen. The writing was gripping. a few tastes...

Revolutions are not made in a morning, nor enemies lost in a day. But Britain did itself more damage in those two hours than anyone present imagined. By alienating Franklin, the British government showed itself doubly inept: for making an enemy of a friend, and for doing so of the ablest and most respected American alive. At a moment when independence was hardly dreamed of in America, Franklin understood that to independence America must come.

He sailed for home - his real home- still burning with anger and disgust, and immediately took a place at the head of the opposition to British rule. Once the most loyal of Britons, now he became the most radical of Americans, demanding independence and driving the rebellion to a genuine revolution.

The lesson? DO NOT MESS WITH BENJAMIN FRANKLIN! This small passage does not do justice to the prologue. The reader feels as if he or she is standing in public humiliation contemplating the truth of a revolution begun and plotting a path to shove that revolution down the throats of Parliamentarians attempting to humiliate the smartest person on the planet at that time. If you ask me, a more brilliant person has never walked this earth than Benjamin Franklin. This book will at least make you consider him for the title.

Brands makes his bold assertion in the prologue: "Of those patriots who made independence possible, none mattered more than Franklin, and only Washington mattered as much."

Brands makes that case brilliantly.

4. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley. This book inspired me to a different life outlook. This book is 1984 applied to the social rather than political realm. The idea of "Soma" made me cancel cable television. This book inspired me to use the time saved to read more books and learn a language. Although I found the end of the book much less satisfying than the beginning, it will always be a favorite for the paradigm shifts it inspired. This book also made me thankful I grew up in a society where a late-bloomer could still succeed. I am grateful never to have been identified early as an "epsilon" only to have so many doors closed so soon. On pure impact in my life, this book is nearly unmatched.

3. Simple Justice, by Richard Kluger. The complete history of the Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, Kansas desegregation case. Segregation is an issue that seems so clear to us today. But it was anything but easy to overturn. This book will take you to the front lines of social change and progress. You will never read the names Charles Houston and Thurgood Marshall again without wanting to stand and applaud.

The legal strategy was anything but simple and involved years of small wins to build their own precedent. Those cases were then brought to bear upon the next small victory until all those little victories (allow interracial marriage before school integration, for example) were finally hurled together at the United States Supreme Court. Even then, the outcome was not certain until the chief judge (not sympathetic to the cause) actually died before a decision could be rendered. The re-hearing involved newly-minted Chief Justice Earl Warren, who then navigated a volatile issue and produced a 9-0 decision.

Meanwhile, the Civil Rights movement was fractured on how best to proceed and the different organizations fought over how to proceed and whether the other interfered with progress being made. I read this book while in school and could not put it down. This book will show you how hard progress can be even on such seemingly-clear issues, but it also shows that progress remains possible for those willing to take heroic action!

2. Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin. This book also instilled life lessons. If you want to know how Abraham Lincoln held this country together, read this book. I have never been more impressed with how a person handled crisis. Although the book focuses on the team Lincoln put together, it best illustrates Lincoln's brilliance, patience, and almost perfect demeanor for any task.

After reading this book, I imagine Lincoln on a different plane. His mix of compassion, toughness, political savvy and unimpeachable judgment was unique in history and perfect for the crisis he solved. Dave told me I would mourn Lincoln's death when that part came in the book and he was right. After following him through our most perilous time, his death will hit you like a freight train.

Although his burden's weighed heavily on him, Lincoln never wavered. This book made him human. Kearns-Goodwin makes his personal sadness and his difficult family life very clear. She paints a complete picture and his humanity make him so much more impressive.

Every political science class I ever took spoke of Lincoln's place as our nation's greatest president as if debate were long over. I took an American Presidency class and a ranking of presidents was only controversial if Lincoln were dropped to 2 or 3. He is listed as No. 1 on a vast majority of rankings (many of the lists have political leanings, but Lincoln remains at the top). I had studied the reasons given before, but, although the reasons were strong, it usually involved "well, he saved the Union, so what can you say?" Seemed overly simple an answer and it does not prove that was all his doing.

Team of Rivals ends that debate for me. This nation will never have another president as great as Abraham Lincoln and I am now dead certain of that.

1. Autobiography, by Benjamin Franklin. I have always been very skeptical of self-help books. I read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey on the recommendation of a friend. Covey openly admitted that Benjamin Franklin's autobiography guided his ideas. So, I decided to go right to the source.

There is no better self-help book, and it is so effective because it does not seek to be a self-help book. This autobiography is really just a look into the life of a person who sought only improvement in his own person and engaged in continuous self-reflection to achieve that end. He advocates pillars of morality that should not bend and even explains his efforts to be perfect, ultimately to determine we can't be perfect, but the effort remains worthy.

Most illuminating is Franklin's attempts to become better at discussion. He studies himself as if he were his own lab rat and chronicle's his results like the scientist he was. He reminds himself to use phrases like "that is a good point, but have you considered... ?" for the purpose earning his adversaries fair consideration of a point.

Unlike many scientific minded among us, Franklin was equally brilliant in the social, political and scientific worlds. And you will see that he takes as much pleasure in the opening of the first library in Pennsylvania as any other accomplishment. It is a great slice of a unique life at a unique time in history.

And it is the best book I have ever read.

Adapt, Young Man

2011-08-28T23:08:00.000-07:00

Jacob started Kindergarten last week. We went to the store together and bought him all the school supplies listed, and he was excited to start back to the learning part of school.

After a fun summer of field trips, splash days and lemonade stands at the school, its back to curriculum. I am glad he had fun, but its time to get to business. Future summers will include more sharpening the saw than this one, and it will be to his benefit.

All of these thoughts helped me focus words to my philosophy on parenting. If it were be boiled to its simplest description, we want to teach Jacob to be adaptable. For the longer description, you can keep reading.

There was a day when I picked Jacob up after Junior Kindergarten (I know, it's new to me too) and a teacher stopped Jacob from leaving until he cleaned up his mess. I was, of course, fine with this. He cleaned up his mess quickly and came back smiling to me for the short ride home.

The next day, that teacher apologized if I was upset by her insistence on making him clean. I was confused by that because I had made no complaint and had looked anything but angry about it. To the contrary, I told the teacher, I was very happy that she insisted it be done. I insisted that she continue to hold him to his duties.

I learned that other parents had not handled the situation so well and had made it an issue with management.

So, what might those children be learning? Well, I can thing of a few things. 1) That they can override a teacher's authority. 2) That the rules don't apply to them if they don't want them to. 3) That parents will swoop in to save them from any inconvenience. All three lessons for the child will begin the long atrophy process of the self-reliance muscle (if such a thing were to exist).

Now, lets take a quick look at what this example of "standing up for your child" can lead to. A child cried about it because he or she was fishing for a response (and likely expected one). A teacher was likely chewed out. A parent introduced stress into the home by (very likely) discussing the matter in a family setting. Corrective action was taken that led to apologies to ANY potential "victims" of the action and humiliation of the teacher, who did nothing wrong. And, a child learned how to skate by.

How much stress was this worth?

Meanwhile, our little guy dutifully cleaned up his mess and came running to me with a smile. Why didn't he cry? Because he knows we won't let him skirt his responsibility. I must say, I'm proud of him for being so adaptable. Of course, in this case, he was being merely responsible for his own mess. It's sad that even this basic thing got a teacher in trouble.

I have read many parenting articles, some books and have had many discussions about the topic. I have heard a wide range of approaches. I do not agree with all of them, but I do not condemn all of them, either. The ones I do reject for our own household, however, are those that utilize coddling and attempt to bend the world to the needs of a particular child.

Jen read one book that attempted to make the case that boys are being screwed over by a system that suppresses them and has become girl-centric. Her verdict was that it was all griping and no solving.

I, personally, don't care if the charges in the book were even true (although I doubt it). Jacob will learn to navigate the path at hand. He will learn do make the best of situations. We will, of course, try to set him on productive and helpful paths. But, we will not bend the axis of this planet to meet his preferences or comfort zones.

This topic reminded me of a long-ago conversation with my father. I had heard horrible rumors about my math teacher. He was mean. He was tough. He was too demanding and liked to embarrass those who were not prepared. My schedule included this particular teacher and I was not happy about it.

Dad's response? Well, after he heard my concerns, he calmly destroyed my argument. The conversation after my complaints were listed went loosely like this:

Dad: "You don't know that."

Me: "But this guy is terrible."

Dad: "Again, you don't know that. Do you believe everything you hear?"

Me: "No, but they can't all be wrong."

Dad: (laughing) "Yes, they can. Do you think everything said about you is true? Don't you think he deserves an honest chance? Don't be foolish. Judge for yourself. You may be surprised.

Dad: (with the finish) "Besides, you won't always like the people you have to deal with, so you better get used to dealing with it now."

The end result? Well, that teacher absolutely taught me that subject. He was tough, but fair. He knew his topic and he was energetic about it. He challenged me, but not unreasonably. Everyone kept bitching about it, but I learned it cold.

In short, they were wrong and the fact that attitudes remained the same only served to undermine their own learning. Thanks to dad's advice, I learned to adjust. To adapt. To make the best of a situation. And, it turned out, I would have avoided a great situation had my plan to bail worked.

Because adaptability requires practice, I was reminded about it in a big way in college when a professor who I respect, after hearing my concerns, told me without flinching to "grow a skin." Best advice I got in college.

Kids may learn in unique ways, and they should be encouraged in those directions. But, if you teach them to await the perfect environment, or avoid any uncomfortable or unfamiliar options or challenging situations, or (worse yet) to weasel their way out of anything but the optimal, then they will not thrive in society.

To make a sports analogy, sometimes you have to play hurt. And you can't make the game stop if you have a hangnail. You might spend your whole life waiting to be pain-free enough to compete. Besides, many folks don't let go of such a good excuse once its been identified.

Did I talk to Dad about my math teacher in hopes he would help me get my schedule changed? Absolutely. But, dad was not interested in saving me from every possible discomfort.

Instead, he was afraid I may learn to run away from hard realities. The world isn't perfect, and Dad didn't want me prepared for such a mythical place rather than the one outside our front door.

Random thoughts

2011-07-21T20:56:00.000-07:00

... If you are ever looking for a reason to disbelieve everything political, pay close attention to the rhetoric regarding the deficit debate. Apocalyptic language everywhere. I literally don't believe a single word from either side. Somewhere the sides will meet in compromise, and I'm content right now to wait for that to happen. I do not doubt terrible consequences for allowing default, but I think the game of chicken is both disingenuous and sad. The President seems to be the only one willing to cut through the BS, and he's getting hammered for "lecturing." Well, (and I know this makes me an unabashed homer), someone has to lecture those jokers.

... I have grown so unbelievably tired of all forms of Internet reporting. There is almost no cost to reporting events wrong when the speed of information is both fast and real-time. For example, Twitter exploded with dozens of tweets from "reporters" to my modest account about how labor peace in the NFL had been reached. Not but MINUTES later you have the "hold on... we don't have a deal yet" corrections by those same "journalists." So, where are the consequences of being wrong? It's like real-time gossip. I'm not sure how this can be fixed without disabling the Internet, and that obviously isn't going to happen. Buncha crap is what it is.

... The War & Peace book club will be meeting and my inability to properly schedule my own calendar means I won't be there. A major drag and I can't blame anyone but me. Talk about a bummer, and yes, I know this makes me a big-time nerd.

... I'm re-watching Battlestar Galactica, but in HD. So, really, I'm just watching it for the first time. And it's awesome. It was No. 1 all time for me until the Wire took it over, but I'm giving it a closing argument. There may end up being a tie at the top. I mean, the Wire isn't available in Blu Ray and I'm officially a Blu-Ray snob.

... Back to working on my story, but with a bigger scope. I'm debating whether to release it in parts on here so people can trash it and I can finally give up the foolhardy thing. Either that or I'll turn it into the book I have been imagining lately and will waste a phenomenal amount of time and energy.

... Created my memory palace for the first 1/3 of the Probate Code and then got into trying to meet my War & Peace deadline, so I kinda put it aside. I need to get back to it. That being said, that first third is becoming well placed and remembered.

... I'm becoming perpetually tired and crotchety.

Good night.

Chess and Father's Day

2011-06-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

JACOB'S CHECKMATE

My dad taught me to play chess when I was 5. I am teaching Jacob now that he is 5. In fact, I just got him his very own chess board and he is very excited about it.

My dad taught me the basics and a few simple traps. I apparently angered my grandfather on my mother's side when I beat him after he stumbled into one of my memorized taps. My dad described the look on my face as I sprung the trap and won. By all accounts, grandpa didn't take it well.

Well, I got a taste of the other side a few weeks ago. When I play Jacob, I talk him through it and ask "are you sure about that move?" when he is about to make a mistake. I do not allow myself to castle, but I encourage him to castle early. I leave myself vulnerable, but I do not expect him to see the possibilities.

Well, he unloaded some applied knowledge on me and checkmated me in a move I literally didn't see until he made it. G5 to C1 if you are scoring at home. My king was vulnerable and he went for the kill.

We love playing together and I can't wait to see him develop. Every time chess comes back into my life, I wish I hadn't let it slip from my routine. I want to play regularly again and I'm going to find a way. All the while, Jacob and I will be playing together.

On Chess and Bobby Fischer

2011-06-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

From this:

To this:

I just finished Endgame: Bobby Fischer's Remarkable Rise and Fall - From America's brightest prodigy to the edge of madness, by Frank Brady. It involves two of my favorite topics: Chess and unstable people.

Bobby Fischer's singular brilliance on a chess board was fascinating. And the ungodly amount of time he put into mastering that game left enormous holes in his social development. The result was a brilliant but moody and unstable chess prodigy who reached the peak of world chess domination and then disappeared into seclusion only to emerge decades later spouting conspiracy theories and anti-Semitic venom.

It's just odd.

The first thing I took from the book was complete appreciation for what Fischer accomplished in Chess. Fischer's contribution altered how the game was played and created a new generation of chess players worldwide.

A few highlights: He was the youngest grandmaster in the history of Chess (13); he won a completely unheard-of 20-straight games on his way to qualifying for the World Title match with Spassky; he won two consecutive US Championships without losing or drawing a single game (11 victories each year); and he so thoroughly scared the Soviet chess machine that seven of the nation's top Grand Masters were assigned to find weaknesses in his game (Including "master of endgame," "master of openings," etc.).

There was also this: He expected to be treated like a king at all times and required all demands (no matter how ridiculous or inconvenient) be met 100%. Moody and fragile does not begin to describe his obstinacy. I came away believing that moodiness was not an intentional strategy of psychological warfare as much as an accurate reflection of his personality.

He won the title, made such ridiculous demands for his first scheduled-defense of that title against Karpov in 1975 that he resigned the title without a game (leaving millions of dollars on the table) and disappeared for about 20 years. He became a vagrant, literally went into hiding and "wandered" Los Angeles with a new beard to hide his identity.

He surfaced only to play a game against Spassky in 1992 in violation of international sanctions in Yugoslavia as it was being torn asunder by war (he posed with Milosevich). That led to him hiding in various placed all over the globe and surfacing only enough to spout hate-filled rants. Apparently unsatisfied with being merely allowed to travel despite his status as a fugitive from the law, he then applauded the 9/11 attacks, thus provoking the repeal of that passport.

After being arrested in Japan, he renounced citizenship and negotiated Icelandic citizenship. He died in Iceland a bitter and ranting victim of too many perceived slights to count.

Unfortunately, 1950s US policy helped create "Crazy Bobby" because the CIA had 750 pages worth of file on his mother because she attended protests and tapped his childhood phone because he frequented a Russian bookstore to study chess. In other words, its easy to believe in conspiracies when your phone is tapped from an early age and you are followed and approached by agents in black suits and sunglasses. I'm not saying it makes his later paranoia logical, but it sure didn't help. I have yet to discover one positive impact of Joseph McCarthy and his witch hunts.

I recommend the book highly as both fascinating and educational. It's a great read and a sad, sad story.

I started playing chess at age five and have started teaching Jacob how to play this year. Its a game I too-often stray from and always wish I could play more. It set me once again to search for a local chess club. Once again to no avail, but I'm now going to find a way to play one way or the other.

Bobby Fischer is an example of how not to raise a promising-child, but the greatness of the game benefitted from having devoured his sanity.

June is My Month

2011-06-06T21:34:00.001-07:00

WATCHING THE NUGGETS IN THE PLAYOFFS

AT JK GRADUATION

June is my month, and it bears repeating. Birthday, Father's Day and my Anniversary (12 years this year!). I get a special "June gift" for all the occasions and that gives me more leeway on price. Sweet!

So, generally, I like June. Some of my best memories were formed in June. I got married; walked the Normandy Beaches on my birthday (anniversary of D-Day!); set off for New York to live for a summer; traveled across Germany and France and visited Moscow (one does not travel across Russia... ask anyone with an army); and I've enjoyed many nice and warm days.

Today I became eligible to run for president. That means from here until I turn 67, I have only Social Security eligibility to attain with my age. Of course, by then I may have to wait until I'm 77. So, really, let's just say I'm not going to think too much about that.

I still have no complaints. All is pretty good for the most part. And although I now CAN run for president, that doesn't mean I will. I prefer to keep my options open. In other words, I won't be doing that.

I pretty much work, read and hang with the family. It's a pretty uneventful routine, actually. And, I'm reading some great books this year. With my birthday as an excuse, I bought four more books. I like my pace and I legitimately can't wait to start each one.

Jacob graduated from Junior Kindergarten. I then immediately had him start Kindergarten this month. He tested really well, so he's a go. Summer break? We both work so that's out. But, Summer break is actually way too long and encourages our laziest inclinations.

I toyed with the idea of holding him out of graduation because... well, he was going to graduate unless he were to have killed a few kids with scissors, so it's kinda like "congratulating" him for aging. And, since that's essentially what we celebrate with birthdays, why not? Actually, he would have had to sit out all their program practice and preparation and so he would have worked less if I held him out. See how evil I am?

I actually gave this subject a lot of thought. I don't remember "graduating" before I started Kindergarten and I do kinda have this problem with our overly-coddling society, but that's just my way. I'm surly like that.

My parenting philosophy may not be what one would call "widely accepted" or "considered healthy by most people," but that's OK because our "average" kid these days could do a lot better.

I was scared to death of disappointing my dad and it worked. But we were also close. I managed to figure out that he could both expect a lot and love me anyway. We too often don't expect enough from kids. They will surprise you if you let them. Jacob shocks me regularly.

As you can see above, he likes me. I figured out pretty quickly that I could cement a love of going to games with dad by letting him gorge himself on foods that are forbidden at home. So, he had candy, pop and a hot dog (the last one not so forbidden). Throw in a souvenir and I essentially bought him out on a lifetime contract to games with dad. I call that a win.

Now, he gets to keep going to those games so long as he makes with the 4.0. What? I keeeed, I keeeed! Well, I kind of kid.

Sunday, bloody Sunday

2011-05-02T18:53:00.001-07:00

Sunday, May 1, 2011 was an interesting day.

A machine broke and I let out an audible yelp. I then sulked most of the day and felt generally lost until we met up with James. I later learned that about the same time we met James in Longmont, Navy SEALS killed the most dangerous man on the planet. That just made me feel dumb for mourning my Kindle.

I started the day writing a blog post about my thoughts on War & Peace (yes, seriously). I have a lot to say about the book and I missed the first meeting of the book club group. I wanted to get my thoughts down.

In the middle of my post, I wanted to quote from a passage I had highlighted that really illustrated why I thought the War scenes were necessary and enjoyable. (The movie Pear Harbor may or may not have been referenced).

I went to get my Kindle and found it laying awkwardly on my I-pod, screen down. Now, I never put it anywhere without the cover closed. But, I also have a five-year-old, so anything goes.

I let out an audible yelp when I picked it up and saw the distorted discombobulated screen. I tried to revive it, reboot it, shake it, then died a little inside before calling tech support. The techie all but told me to take it out back and shoot it.

The blog post had to wait.

For background, I can't live without my Kindle. I'm lost without it. I take it everywhere "just in case." I hate going anywhere only to discover it isn't with me and I have to wait more than one minute for anything. It actually makes me angry.

I went to the Library book sale, and felt like I was not honoring its memory. Surrounded by paper books. It sounds crazy, but this darkened my mood.

After a break, Dave and I went to see James. Meanwhile, somewhere in Abbotobad or About-a-boat Pakistan, Navy SEALS were kicking the hell out of casa-de-Osama.

We had a good time chatting with James and Jacob and Ian got to play together. It was a good time. I even managed to borrow James' copy of The Hobbit so I could continue to read while my poor dead Kindle mocked me with its blinking screen. (this mitigated my mood more than it should have).

I finished another chapter of The Hobbit and received the news from James that Obama was about to announce his inevitable re-election, er, uh... the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

I stopped reading and started listening... and surfing... and twittering... and facebooking... and, yes, I had a drink. (Topic of the night? Our President performed the walk-off of a major BADASS after his speech. My brother said he couldn't have improved it if he dropped the mic like Chris Rock.)

So, here's my story behind the Cognac. The best professor I ever had was Edward Rozek. He grew up in Poland until WWII forced him to fight for all he was worth. He then became a prominent politico and professor here in the USA. He taught all things Eastern bloc and was passionate in his hawkishness toward dictators who terrorized his home region.

Every story about a dictator brought to justice ended the same way. From Mussolini hanging from a lamp post to the picking-off of each Slavic bully and mass murderer, Professor Rozek would polish off an entire bottle of Cognac and celebrate a piece of liberation. He felt a unique joy at their demise that comes from having fought a war that failed to liberate his homeland. Every liberation was the righting of a wrong for him.

I tipped back a Cognac and Coke-a-cola in his honor and watched people singing on the White House lawn. I scoured for details and essentially forgot about my beloved Kindle. Gotta love perspective.

As a peace-loving person who opposes the death penalty, I thought long and hard about whether I could feel good about it. Well, there was no debate. It felt good. I just needed a reason. I guess Mark Twain said it best when he said:
"I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure."

So, for better or worse, Wars -- whether justified or not, big or small -- shape our world. War & Peace expresses that because war is the overriding factor of the world in which the characters live, and it provides the canvas for their lives (in this case: dinner parties).

I bought a new Kindle today. I'm back to comfort -- and that statement just struck me as interesting in light of all the relief one bullet brought. I don't feel safer, but I do feel relieved.

Jacob meets Darth Vader

2011-04-05T17:35:00.000-07:00

Over the last week, I have introduced Jacob to the original Star Wars trilogy. And he loves it. But, it was a learning experience for me as well. For one, Star Wars can lead to some interesting moral dilemmas in the mind of a five year old.

Let's just say I failed to "foresee" certain things.

He has been asking about Star Wars since he got his Clone Wars Tag book. The problem was that he knew of Anakin as a good guy and the Clone Troops as good guys as well. That spin off takes place during the time when Anakin is a Jedi Knight and the Clone troops fought for the Republic.

So, I had my work cut out for me. My negligence allowed him to be corrupted by the new stuff early, which is like giving up a TD on the opening kickoff.

I decided to show him the movies in their original order so that he would not be too crushed by Anakin's turn to the Dark Side. He could know Vader as evil at first, see him redeemed, then learn the back story.

I was afraid he would be bored by New Hope, but he loved it. He was scared by the trash compactor scene a little, but not bad. On second viewing he said he didn't like that part.

He LOVES everything dealing with "Light Swords" (a term he picked up from the new Clone Wars book... which should not infuriate me quite as much as it does, yet... here we are).

He asked a lot of questions like "Does disappearing mean he died?" (he almost cried when Obi Wan died) and "why did the Storm Troopers kill them?" I wasn't ready for those questions.

Empire Strikes Back is my favorite of the bunch. I remember being terrified in the theater when the Wampa came at Luke. I figured Hoth would win him over, and it seemed to. But, the Middle of Empire just isn't real kid friendly. Jacob loved the light-saber duel (that's better) between Luke and Vader (although he didn't catch the lost hand).

But, it's clearly the most adult-themed of the movies and THIS movie led to a whole bunch of tough questions. Such as:

"I want Anakin to get out of Darth Vader's heart" (Not a question, but how do you respond to that?)

"He's his father? Why is his father dressed like Darth Vader?" (OK, that one was funny).

"Why was that a dream?" (This was when Luke "kills" Vader on Dagoba... we all wonder that one, kiddo. There is no answer).

Finally... "Is he really his father?" Yes, yes he is.

Jacob was clearly unnerved by the end of Empire, so I had to accelerate his viewing of Return of the Jedi to the next day so he would have some context. We explained that Luke was going to try to make his father good again.

Jacob loved Jedi. He loved the green light saber and really liked when Vader turned back to good. I think that was necessary for him, but I'm no longer certain it will make Episode III any easier.

Jacob is really excited to see Episode I because it will have Anakin as a kid. I have that one, but I'll need to borrow Episodes II and III. My effort to show Vader's redemption may have been for naught because he will definitely relate to young Anakin.

I guess there isn't a real easy way to do this. Either you let him start with Episode I and watch him struggle watching the good guy go bad... or you try to redeem Vader first, and... well, we'll see how this goes.

Now, if I can just get him to stop saying "light swords." My current tactic is to say "when you say that you hurt daddy." He seems unfazed. Yeah, making Vader sympathetic was probably a mistake.

Moonwalking with Einstein

2011-03-11T22:14:00.001-08:00

I needed a break.

I am roughly half-way through about 3 books and I wasn't feeling the momentum. I knew I needed a jolt and that was provided by my wife's fascination with a book featured in Discovery magazine. We talked about it and it just seemed like a fascinating topic.

I purchased Moonwalking with Einstein and devoured it. It's a quick read and, most important to me, it adds something to my life.

Josh Foer was a journalist who covered the world memory championship only to discover that none of the mental athletes considered themselves to be savants or anything close. To test the theory that anyone could do what mental athletes could so with training, Foer trained and won the American memory title the very next year.

Most fascinating about this book is that Foer succeeds in walking the reader through some of the techniques. He walks the reader through the process of memorizing a 15-item grocery list and left a vivid picture of that list in my mind. It is very illustrative... to the point that I literally cannot forget this grocery list.

I have been left with images, at our old Virginia home, of the following;

... a man with a snorkel diving into the sink... salmon cooking on the vent of out television with smoking peat providing the heat... an elk screeching at the top of our stairs... socks dancing on the fireplace hearth and a she-male at a desk with Sophia Loren on his/her lap.

I couldn't forget that list if I wanted to. Jen and I ended up memorizing two of our credit card numbers to test the number formula... and it worked.

Although the book is not a self-help book, it gives any ambitious reader the tools to begin tinkering with his or her own brain. I will begin to work on this technique to memorize the presidents in order and my goal is to eventually memorize the Colorado Probate Code so I can work more efficiently.

There is a natural conflict between the ancient memory techniques documented in this book and our modern world and its many memory crutches (like i-phones, the Internet in general, etc.). I tend to believe that, although such tricks may no longer be necessary, there is nothing wrong with sharpening the saw, so to speak. Also, I like a good challenge.

Foer includes information about patients who represent the extremes of the memory spectrum - from the man who could not forget, to people who could not remember anything. He discusses the physiology of memory (what little is really understood) and the study of expertise.

Moonwalking with Einstein is a real feast. I loved it. I have a new leader on the early-season rankings.

Unlikely Disciple

2011-03-01T22:53:00.001-08:00

I read, Unlikely Disciple by Kevin Roose, which was assigned to me by Book. As we have all said about our book challenge, the best part is horizon-expansion - and this book certainly probed new territory for me.

I struggled with this book, but not in a bad way. I struggled because this book will hold up a mirror to anyone on either side of the God divide.

Roose spent a semester at Liberty University, Jerry Falwell's evangelical university. He came away with a better understanding of what makes evangelicals tick. So, why was this a struggle? Two reasons. 1) It touches a blind-spot issue for me; 2) the author's undercover status.

I've always viewed Falwell and his ilk as being on the "wrong end of the fire hose" politically. In Jerry's case, this is a literal description because he fought the Civil Rights Act and was openly in favor of segregation. Although he repented later, its hard to know (and harder to convince myself) that the repentance was true rather than politically helpful.

Thus, I have always viewed his gay-bashing as particularly anger-inducing. It "smacks of the fire hose" from a person who held that political position before. Although I have debated the gay issue with close friends without animosity, I admit that it's a topic that requires regulation. And therein lies my struggle with this book.

I admit that I have a bit of a blind spot on this issue. And, many of the characters in this book have no problem saying what I would consider to be slurs on a daily basis. The author excuses it to a point by explaining the culture in which they live and were raised. I struggled with that justification. By the midpoint of this book I was very agitated and at times outright angry.

But, by the end, the whole picture came into better focus. I enjoyed the book overall and feel it had an impact. Any anger induced was a part of the greater experience. That experience led to a humanizing of a segment of our nation I don't get to see often. And, although humanizing does not equal agreement, it accomplished reflection on my part.

I also struggled with Roose's ruse. He had to mislead his classmates if this book was going to succeed. I get that. I understand that. But, every journalistic bone in my body is worn out waving red flags about it.

By the end, I understood why he had to go undercover, but that didn't mean it didn't feel awkward. Roose struggled with that ethical issue as well. Surprisingly, none of the students seemed bothered when he finally told them.

An impactful book leads to contemplation, and I don't think I'm done contemplating this one. I wont' be done for awhile.

Appreciation

2011-02-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

The Nuggets became relevant again in 2003 when the unthinkable happened. It would have been typical for the Nuggets to get the third pick in a two-deep draft, and that's exactly what happened. And that's when rumors began that Detroit was prepared to pass over Carmelo Anthony with its second pick.

It was too good to be true. Melo took Syracuse to a national title and dominated the college game. If it were not for LeBron James, Melo would have been the consensus best player in the draft.

AND WE GOT HIM! And we got to watch plays like these below:

I first went to see Melo play as a rookie with Baggs in 2003-2004. We wanted to see the super rookie. He was immature, excitable and raw. He had braids and a slender frame. But, the talent just gushed. He took ill-advised shots and often forced the play. He was quick to temper and, once frustrated, his game would fall apart.

His shot was a work in progress for a few years, but his first step was untouchable and he could amaze in the blink of an eye. Baggs, Tom, Book and I would cringe when he forced the jumper, and implore him to drive to the hoop. Still, we knew what we had and we just loved watching him develop.

A rebuilding year ended in the playoffs that rookie year with a would-be temporary coach. It was a pleasant surprise and the creation of new expectations. From 2004 through 2007 we watched Melo tighten his game. We shared 10-game packages and went to as many games as possible, including playoffs.

The playoffs became regular, but our appetite was not satisfied with first-round losses. Still, beggars can't be choosers, and we were more than happy with the Melo-era Nuggets.

Meanwhile, Melo's game changed. His shot went from spotty to money. His drives became but one weapon in a growing arsenal. He became a master at drawing fouls and finishing at the hoop. But, best of all, he turned clutch... I'm talking "it's not if, but how" clutch. In a town used to John Elway magic, that's a trait we could get behind. See below.

Eventually, surprising playoff appearances became frustrating early exits. Frustrations grew and the organization gambled on pairing Melo with Allen Iverson after Melo threw a punch (OK, it was a slap) and ruined Dave's trip to Florida in the process. It was a forced marriage with AI and it brought out all of his old habits. But only temporarily.

That all changed in 2009 when Chauncey Billups brought the final piece to the puzzle. Pepsi Center rocked. Something felt different. Then, this happened:

Jon and I were at the game and experienced Pepsi Center at its pinnacle. A game 1 blowout was duplicated in game 2. Game 4 in New Orleans ended with a 58-point demolition. Something felt right.

The Dallas series featured Melo at his clutch best when he managed to leave an arena full of Texans stone-cold silent. His dagger 3 shut the whole lot of them up with authority. Texans. Silent. I mean, c'mon, that's a feat!

Although Denver lost to the eventual-champion Lakers in 6 games, no team fought them harder. They fought hard and made us proud. Mike, a die-hard Laker fan, said Denver scared him more than any other team that year.

It felt like 2009 was the beginning. We all settled in for a few more years of knocking on the door.

Injuries, cancer and bad timing derailed the 2010 campaign. Another first-round exit seemed like a bump in the road until all the drama began leading to this year. Without rehashing the drama of 2010-2011, I'll just say this season never had a chance. The team is splintered by the Melo drama and none of us can bring ourselves to follow. Playoff seed? I'm supposed to care about that? If he's gone it's over! There won't be any playoffs.

Will they start over? Will he stay? (No). It's been so frustrating.

This week, Baggs and I completed the circle and likely watched our last game of the Melo era in Denver. It was so fitting. Melo was brilliant in scoring 50 while Billups nursed an injury, Nene was out sick and the team played as dispirited as advertised.

We shot hoops on the Pepsi Center floor and walked out into a blizzard. It was so fitting. So much fun, but it just didn't end well. The 50 points seemed detached of emotion as the trade rumors wore the team down to nothing. The frustration seemed shared by team and fans. It felt like a funeral.

So, I decided to focus on the appreciation part. It seems like time to say good-bye. If not by the trade deadline then by next season at the latest, the Melo-era Nuggets will be no more. In any event, it's not going to be easy watching him go. I love basketball so much, and its been a real pleasure.

We've seen a deep playoff run, great performances, guts and heart on the court and we experienced the best string of winning seasons in team history. For all of that I say "Thank you" to the Melo man. I wish he would stay, but I understand. I hate it, but I do understand. Damn it all, but I do.

So, thanks for the nearly 14,000 points; for realizing your rebounding potential; for learning to try on defense; for making your game so complete; for never giving up on a game; for revitalizing Pepsi Center; and for turning into a star before our eyes. Its been fun. I just wish it didn't have to end like this.

News?

2011-02-02T17:03:00.000-08:00

I spent time searching for the right word to describe my current disillusionment with the media. The word I settled on is "nugatory." It is defined as follows: "of no real value; trifling; worthless."

Obviously, not all journalists produce a product that falls into this category, but the most widely-available sources disproportionately render their own product nugatory.

This post has been simmering in me for awhile. I cannot say how many headlines have made me think of writing this post - there are too many to count. The one that finally pushed me to start writing?

"Jones-Drew: Apology to Cutler isn't coming." You can find this gem of breaking news at espn.com.

Ironically, I have been following sports news almost exclusively lately because political news had rendered my patience nugatory. At the center of my frustration with political news is its intense focus on petty arguments. I found no relief in the realm of sports news.

Sarah Palin caused my "tipping point" on CNN. I was once a regular reader of the "CNN Political Ticker" until its incessant fishing for clicks with Palin as the worm became so blatant as to render its credibility nugatory.

Headlines for the ticker would indicate which candidate declared for what district, what political appointment was set for confirmation hearings and such other relevant news. Sarah Palin was mentioned occasionally, but not too often. Then one day I noticed a pattern had developed: An equal number of pro- and con- Palin teasers on the main page attempted to lure lovers and haters of the most over-exposed would-be candidate in history.

I felt manipulated. I even indulged in some of the early anti-Palin headlines like "Poll shows bad news for Palin." But then I noticed the pattern. For every "bad news for Palin" teaser, an equal and opposite "good news for Sarah" teaser was sure to follow.

The rest of the ticker began to follow suit. And the reporting of childish spats began in earnest. Headlines like "X slams Y," "X jabbed Y," and "X chastises Y" became the norm. The headliner was always Palin, but the "meat" of the Ticker began to take on the same petty pandering to both sides of any number of grade-school type name-calling. Here's an example of what is currently on the CNN Political Ticker as I type this:

"Gore and O'Reilly trade jabs." (Wait, am I reading CNN or TMZ?)

"Limbaugh surprises Elton John." (He asked that John perform for him for an event rather than, oh, I don't know, try to kill him for being gay.)

"Snooki gushes over Dubya." (That's right, a @#&%ing reality star's opinion!)

"Boehner: Not sorry for tears." (Apparently Republicans are supposed to apologize for their emotions. On second thought, that makes sense.)

"Bush daughter breaks with dad on big issue." (The answer: Gay marriage. Its the only issue Republican family members seem to disagree on).

"Obama no longer the same?" (WTF? Seriously... WTF? It turns out he's now focusing on promises he can keep. Again, WTF? They make is sound like he took up drinking.)

"Gore says snow does not disprove global warming." (Um... do people think it does? And if they do, aren't those people too busy staring at their padded walls to read the ticker?)

To be fair, there are still a number of relevant posts and I cherry-picked the most egregious. But, still, I didn't even have to dig deep to find those turds. It's about 50-50 on ridiculous vs. relevant. The only shocker was that Palin was not as prominent today as usual (although there was a post that "Romney is up on Palin.")

That is the phenomenon that chased me to ESPN. To reward my decision, ESPN incessantly reported the various twitter comments made about Jay Cutler's inability to finish the NFC title game. And, that, ladies and gentlemen, led to a headline that Maurice Jones-Drew will not apologize.

I give up. Then I realized that I probably shouldn't expect more from a medium that became mainstream only because it offered porn on demand. Once I remembered that, this all made perfect sense.

Wired for The Wire

2011-01-11T20:35:00.001-08:00

I have been plowing through HBO's The Wire and I can't get enough.

I am through four seasons of the five produced and I'm ready to call the fight off: The previous champ is down and The Wire stands as my all-time favorite show. The only way this can change now would be for the fifth season choke in epic fashion.

In general, I am very happy with the new trends in television shows. The cable channels have introduced shorter seasons with higher quality. A 13-episode season packs every episode with quality substance. I also like that more shows now script an ending rather than simply wait for cancellation.

I have a wide-ranging list of shows in my list of favorites: Family Guy, Lost, Mad Men, Battlestar Gallactica, Arrested Development and such. In recent years, I have been exposed to more quality shows than at any other era. There are more shows I want to see like Dexter, Breaking Bad and others. So, what makes The Wire different?

It's real. It's dark. It's balanced. It's appropriately uncomfortable. It's powerful. It's a view under the hood of our society, and the engine's chrome has lost much of its shine.

The Wire speaks to me more than it may to many of my friends or family, which is why I do not expect many people I know to feel the same way about it. But it's gold to me.

I see the grease of society and its inner workings on a fairly regular basis. It's just part of the job. The Wire deals with realities of the legal system, class structure, economic realities and brutal politics beautifully. All the while, it manages to humanize all sides.

I am fascinated by paradigms and by the amazing number of perspectives one event can inspire. The Wire will challenge the viewer to consider those perspectives. Have you ever been made to feel for and root for a drug slinger? You will. Have you ever rooted against the good guy? You will. You will also root for some good guys and against many bad ones. But, the lines are all appropriately gray.

So long as you have a high tolerance for violence, strong language and some disturbing concepts, you will love the show. It rewards you for your tolerance by making you think.

After watching the season finale to season 3, I got so deep in thought I could not sleep until almost 2 am. I ended up ordering the book Homicide: A year on the Killing Streets by David Simon (the creator of The Wire). I am now plowing through that book, a nonfiction account of Simons' year with the Baltimore Homicide Division. The Wire is a fictionalization of much of his experience as a reporter in Baltimore.

If you look for a mental challenge, an honest look at the underbelly of society and a compelling and thrilling ride, I recommend you watch The Wire.

On Second Thought...

2010-12-21T23:02:00.000-08:00

See, this is what happens when I decide to look on the bright side.

Although I still support the positions expressed in my previous post, my optimistic view has been hijacked because I read about our financial mess. The book is called Griftopia, by Matt Taibi. I have never read a more anger-inducing book.

Now, all those other issues seem like window dressing. Important, yes, but ultimately small compared to ridding our country of the kinds of habits that have turned our financial structure into a house of cards in a ceiling-fan store.

Griftopia takes a very detailed look at the financial crisis of 2008 and how financial institutions ruined so much (it will make you ill); explains the systematic dismantling of regulations designed to enforce responsible practices (it will make you mad); details the irresponsible habits of state and local government (it will make you so very sad); and generally and thoroughly documents what is going on every day (it will make you spit).

I literally had to go on an "angry walk" after every chapter. I coined that phrase for just this book. I read entire chapters to Jen out loud. You have never seen so much head shaking or heard so many pained sighs.

The people who had a hand in the outright theft performed by our financial institutions should be in jail. Still, we are left with a mess whether they are in jail or not. The damage is done, but I'm not sure we have learned anything. By all indications, they are back to financial trickery and used the bailout money to build a bigger house of cards.

I am no Tea Partier, but I get the anger over financial irresponsibility. The problem with that movement is that it over-simplifies solutions. The biggest problem with this mess as I see it is that there is no clear solution. A deep understanding of the root-causes of this mess only lead to a deep foreboding.

No, this is beyond cutting budgets. This is beyond earmarks or such other political shrapnel. This is a problem so ingrained that every proposed-solution seems unrealistic.

I have asked myself many times whether this is simply the knee-jerk reaction of reading an inflammatory book or whether my reaction is merit-based. My conclusion? The book isn't as inflammatory as the facts it gives. I even disagreed with many of the author's conclusions. I even disagree with some of his inferences. However, the facts are there. And, although I do not choose to draw an exact conclusion, my own conclusions are not pretty either.

Now, everywhere I look, there are only more signs of cracks. The 60 Minutes segment I posted above will make your blood go cold. The book describes even more desperate measures being taken by various cities that make them seem like junkies pawning a blender to score $5.00. The best example was the City of Chicago selling its rights to collect its 36,000 parking meters for the next 75 years. All for quick cash now. It fixed a budget hole for one year.

The amounts of unfunded obligations are astounding. I do not know a solution, but things are going to have to get very painful and our sense of entitlement will have to be tested to the limit. None of this is far off. I am starting to see 2008 as merely the initial reaction of hands without callous. The next few years will beat those callouses into us, whether we like it or not.

I am not going to blame this on any one administration or any particular point in our history. Greed, irresponsibility and foolishness like this runs very deep. This isn't political at this point. It's bigger than that.

I really wonder what things will look like in 10 years. Hope may not be lost, but I think the status quo is about to leave permanently. Leaders will have to step up and do things that are VERY unpopular.

Oh yeah... one more thing for those who just have to have an overly-simple catch phrase: we cannot cut taxes every election cycle and also have nice things.

Why Everything is Just Fine

2010-11-21T13:35:00.000-08:00

I am starting to feel like the only content citizen these days. I'm certain that I'm not, but like-minded folks are either hard to find or stay quiet at home.

I'm very happy that the 2010 election is over. I'm not overly upset with the results, but I am annoyed by all the chatter, as usual. Of course, none of it surprises me. It's just part of the cycle. I'm hearing apocalyptic rantings from the right, incessant whining from the left and "disappointment" from the middle. But, here's the rub: I have received pretty much exactly what I hoped for when I cast my vote for Barrack Obama and his agenda. Below, I explain why.

To steal a quote from Louis C.K., "Everything is amazing, and no one is happy."

While things aren't "amazing" with the economy, things are better and the man who won the 2008 election has been working through his list just as promised. I know the rhetoric was sweeping, but I certainly hope I wasn't the only one who expected the results to be merely realistic.

HEALTH CARE

It has been reformed in a major way. Was it the wholesale changes the left wanted? No. Did it constitute a literal non-action as desired by the right? No. Was it a compromise? Yes. Was it watered down? Yes. Did it go far enough? No. It never does. our system does not allow it to.

Did it pass? YES. By THREE votes in the House on a reconciliation vote.

That should tell us something. That should tell us that it was not a slam dunk and no one had the power to force the magic number of votes. This wasn't imposed, it wasn't shoved down any throats and it wasn't a shuffling of deck chairs. It was reform born of compromise. Unfortunately, the best settlements leave both sides upset. That's life.

It's also exactly how the system was designed to work. So spare me the talk of our "broken" system. It functions exactly how it was meant to: Slowly, maddeningly, deliberately and with all the runaway momentum of a milkshake through a stirring straw.

Does that make reform either a tyrannical abomination or a weak cop-out and betrayal to legitimate reform? No.

I am as annoyed by those who bitch that it didn't have a public option as those who call it socialist. Why? Because neither sides seems able to understand that IT NEVER WORKS ANY OTHER WAY. A public option would have failed by 100 votes. So, stop it.

Republicans chose not to participate, which made this whole process less satisfying, but that was their choice and success followed anyway. We can't pretend Republicans don't exist any more than we can pretend all Dems would have voted for a public option.

IRAQ

Did everyone forget that this war is over? It's done now. We're staying, yes. But we've stayed everywhere we've ever fought. We don't build "temporary bases." That's life in a geopolitical world, but the war part of it is over and we can move on.

Thank you, Mr. President, for ending the war responsibly. Why does no one talk about this? Big accomplishment.

ECONOMY

We have job growth. Is it enough? No, but tell me what would have done it quicker (and don't say tax cuts alone). Reforms were added for Wall Street and banking. Was it enough? No. But, again, it never is. Remember when I explained how the system works above. This should no longer surprise anyone.

But, this slow process seems to shock people to outrage every single year, with every administration and every election. The minority thanks it for slowing "the march to socialism/aristocracy" and then rails against it when it slows that party's march toward its goals.

The economy still stinks, but I think we all knew this wasn't going to be easy and I support the measures that were taken to stop a deeper fall and get things on the road to improvement. We have less actual control than we think and are, to a degree, along for the ride. Reforms are like steering a runaway car away from obstacles... it doesn't actually stop the car. Still, its worth swerving even if we have to weather the storm.

AFGHANISTAN

This war is now in its 10th year or so. Afghanistan seems to be one of the most difficult and complicated scenarios we have faced since Vietnam. There are very few satisfying options for ending this conflict.

I supported this war when it was started because it involved a direct response to a direct attack. It led to the removal of a regime that openly sheltered, supported and strengthened organizations that have attacked our nation multiple times. Removal was justified.

President Obama was charged with the responsibility to help end this most difficult of conflicts now that we are faced with ending it responsibly. Much like Iraq, this is not a simple task. I'm not willing to express too strong a position one way or the other, but I trust the President's thinking, philosophy and judgment to do what is right in a difficult situation.

I wish him and our troops the best. I try not to spout too many platitudes or proclamations that might over-simplify this mess.

PIE IN THE SKY

I was disappointed when Jon Stewart started taking shots at the President and comparing his phrases in speeches as a candidate to his words as President. For one, I did not think there was a disconnect. Hopeful language about what we can do if we work together is not the same as saying it will be easy.

In politics, and in life really, disappointment is a constant companion. The only tactic to take is to manage it by balancing anything against the possible.

I am happy. I am content. I trust the judgment of our President. I agree philosophically with his solutions.

Just because I am happy, however, does not mean I necessarily mourn the recent Republican victory in the House. All progress is met with backlash and resistance. It has political consequences. If you need any further proof that Health Care Reform was sweeping, look no further than the political fallout of 2010. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I hope it yields cooperation, but I will not be surprised if it merely bogs everything down. This is the equivalent of getting a piece of ice stuck in that stirring straw I mentioned.

My only concern is that the Republicans will now resort to endless investigations and subpoenas rather than taking this opportunity to be a part of the solution. That is that party's problem. I hope for the best.

FINAL THOUGHT

Have you ever noticed how a politician's job seems to be heavy on TV appearances, campaigning, making speeches and supporting other candidates? Well, if you think about it, when exactly do they read these laws, contemplate votes or otherwise actually investigate the right thing to do?

Because they spend so much time in the campaign/political realm of the job, that's what we hear. The scary scenarios, the talking points and over-simplification. It happens every time.

It's possible the reason no one considers the actual merit of things is that no one talks about it.

I'm trying to give it some voice. One person's effort to admit being content.

A Sorting of Books

2010-11-07T22:03:00.001-08:00

I now unveil my rankings to determine "Joe's top five books of the year for 2010." Much like the Bowl Championship Series and its crowning of the college football champion, not all books are eligible for top-5 status and the playing field is as even as a spice rack made by a toddler.

I will rank my top-5 for the year and then lump most of the others in various categories. I'll try to comment at least briefly on each. I may yet finish another handful of books, so this list is subject to my final update at the end of the year. Unlike last year, I enjoyed almost every book I read. I think the overall quality of the books I read contributed to my new personal best.

So far, I have read 33 books this year, both obliterating my previous record and being destroyed by Book, who read approximately 582 books this year. Without further ado...

** Denotes a top-5 overall within its individual category.

MY BEHAVIOR SCIENCE KICK

I went on a real behavior science kick this year. I have changed how I operate on a daily basis because of these books.

** Predictably Irrational, by Dan Ariely (Kindle). This book set the standard. I loved this book. As you can see, it landed in the top-5. More on this book later.

Mistakes Were Made (but not by me), by Carol Tavris (Kindle). The next best book I read under this category, and a candidate for top-5. A phenomenal look at irrational behavior within the context of human interactions.

Sway, the Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior, by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman (Kindle). This book offered much less and repeated much of what I have read from Malcolm Gladwell and other behavior science books. This seemed like the "Cliffs Notes" version of the above-referenced books.

Voodoo Histories, by David Aaronovitch. (Kindle). Many people believe all sorts of conspiracies and take on leaps of logic with an "Evel Knievel" determination. The winner for most delusional? Those who dismiss "car accident" as entirely to simplistic an explanation for Princess Diana's death in a car while being chased by photographers. In short: The suspension-of-logic Olympics.

Freakonomics, by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen Dubner (Kindle). A very good illumination of the counter-intuitive elements of life.

Super-Freakonomics, by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen Dubner (Kindle). A forced and inferior follow up.

SPORTS

I enjoy sports books. I was also desperate to fill my football gap with books. What else could I do? All my teams sucked this year. Every one of them have disappointed. I needed a crutch.

Loose Balls, by Terry Pluto. I covered this book in a previous post. Fun and hilarious.

The Book of Basketball, by Bill Simmons. I read it again this year because this book rocks!

The Jordan Rules, by Sam Smith. Great insight into Jordan's Bulls and their first championship season. I always enjoy books that track an entire season. I am always interested in the day-to-day grind of an NBA season. I remember this season vividly because I was emotionally invested in MJ's first title that year. I loved this team and appreciate how much goes on in a given season. I especially loved learning that Adrian Dantley (who ruined Denver's playoff run last year) was a cancer as a player as well! (I'm a bitter fan).

Blood, Sweat and Chalk, by Tim Layden (Kindle). I good history of the NFL and how offenses and defenses have evolved. I actually watch football with a better eye for having read this book.

Seven Games That Changed the Game, by Ron Jaworski (Kindle). Every bit as good as Layden's book. There was some overlap, but Jaworski's book included more back stories and snapshots in time. My only complaint? You can literally hear Jaws shout this book in your head while reading it. That gets old.

BadAsses, by Peter Richmond (Kindle). I still feel guilty for reading this while listening to Denver lose 59-14 at home to the Raiders. The book satisfied my need for a football book during a disaster season all around and my need to read about crazy people. Win-win.

If You Can't Join 'em Beat 'em, by Sal Maiorana (Kindle). A short oral history of the AFL. Formulaic, but informative.

WIDE RANGING NON-FICTION

** Memoirs of the Second World War, by Winston Churchill. Epic.

Last Words, by George Carlin. This book was in the works as an autobiography. It was published after Carlin's death. It was an interesting history of an all-time great comedian.

Mozart: A Life, by Peter Gay (Kindle). I posted on this book earlier. This was yet another book that satisfied my thirst for knowledge of emotionally-unstable people.

Live From New York, by Tom Shales and James Miller (Kindle). An oral history of SNL. A decent book, but mostly just a guilty-pleasure read about dirty laundry. The biggest problem was the number of key cast members who did not participate. Honestly, this book needed Eddie Murphy. Without him, it was fun. With him, it would have been amazing (I can only assume, but I think this is a safe bet). Oh, yeah... and Lorne Michaels needed a cigarette after this book was published.

Into Thin Air, by John Krakauer. (Kindle). Heather assigned this one to me. It was interesting to find out what thin air does to a person.

** Hellhound on His Trail, by Hampton Sides (Kindle). A gripping account. More below.

Game Change, by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann (Kindle). The inside story of the 2008 election. I blogged about this below.

Killing yourself to live, by Chuck Klosterman (Kindle). Klosterman travels to various locations where musicians met their end, but the book is really more about the journey and his musings. A fun read about a road trip.

Hitman, by Bret Hart (Kindle). I blogged about this one as well. A fun read about the train-wreck world of pro wrestling. Debauchery, etc.

**Guns, Germs and Steele, by J. Diamond (Kindle). A staggering work. More below.

TOKEN FICTION
The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo, by Stieg Larson (Kindle). Just a great read. I can see why this book was an international phenomenon. Throw in European sensibilities and its a unique fiction. I called the end, but the rest of the story was worth it.

The Forever War, by Joe Haldeman. Book assigned this one to me. It was interesting. This book was nothing like I expected, which isn't necessarily bad.

V for Vendetta, by Alan Moore and David Lloyd. Gotta love V. For once, the movie was better. Still, a fun read.

**Animal Farm, by George Orwell. (Kindle).

PURE ENJOYMENT

Sh*t My Dad Says, by Justin Halpern. I laughed until I cried. I read this book at the exact right time. It was a perfectly-timed injection of comedy.

Earth (the book), by Jon Stewart. I laughed until I cried with this one as well. I am looking for a loophole to name this a top-5. Somehow, this book eclipsed America (the book). I cannot get enough Daily Show humor.
MISCELLANEOUS

Montessori at Home, by Heidi Spietz. Jen and I are reading up on Montessori so that Jacob will not miss out on the philosophy while at home.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, by Dave Eggers. I loved this book at times and struggled with it at times. By the midpoint, I was certain it was a top-5. It is described as "fierce," which it was at times. This was a late scratch from top-5. Had I read it later in the year, it may have been on the list. A unique style and a compelling story. It hit a little close to home a few times. I'll just call this book the "Boise State" of my BCS. Too bad Eggers wasn't part of the establishment or he would have been given a title shot.

Fargo Rock City, by Chuck Klosterman (Kindle). An entire book about 80s hair bands. I remembered so many of the bands and music videos, which was equal parts awesome and sad. Entirely too much analysis of canned music for my taste, but a fun read about music from a true fan. Although I never put more than 5 minutes of thought into the music described, it was strangely interesting to read about Klosterman's deep thoughts thereon.

IV, by Chuck Klosterman (Kindle). A collection of essays by one of my favorite essayists. As always, fun to read.
TOP FIVE (INCLUDING THE PREDETERMINED WINNER)

5. Animal Farm, by George Orwell. (Kindle).

I loved this book. In short, the animals at one farm rise up and take control. Everything is fine until the "new" leaders become the "old" oppressors. I loved how the pigs try to become human. This work was a great illustration of how things don't always improve when people get their way. I can't believe I waited so long to read this book.

4. Predictably Irrational, by Dan Ariely (Kindle).

After reading a lot of train-wreck accounts, I finally decided to look into irrationality as a whole. I tend to be more rational than the average bear and I genuinely do not understand why so many people are so comfortable making terrible decisions over and over. Through experiments, illustrations and study, Ariely proves that we are consistently and predictably irrational. Countless companies take advantage of our hyper-strong desire to get something for free. We will pay a lot of money to get even insignificant items so long as they are "free." He looks at how the mind consistently tricks itself and utilizes rationalization. One of the most helpful books I have ever read.

3. Hellhound on His Trail, by Hampton Sides (Kindle)

I blogged about this below. This book read like a thriller and takes the reader into the hunt for MLK by the FBI; then MLK by James Earl Ray; and finally, into the hunt for Ray after the murder. I love non-fiction, and if every non-fiction read like this one, everyone else would, too.

2. Guns, Germs and Steele, by J. Diamond (Kindle)

Diamond asks one of the boldest and most uncomfortable questions about human history: Why did certain societies and people progress faster than others? He answers that question definitively. Although his book was very, very detailed and thick with information, I think his conclusion is simple. The mass of information proves his simple conclusion conclusively in my mind. The difference? Chance. Geography. I am convinced that any group of people, if they began civilization at the Fertile Crescent, would have been the ones to thrive rather than suffer. This book was not always easy to read (and sometimes downright difficult), but it earned the Pulitzer it won.

1. Memoirs of the Second World War, by Winston Churchill.
What can I say. I felt like a fly on the wall during the planet's most destructive war. To read Churchill's first-hand account of the most seismic global war was a thrill. I read the abridged version of Churchill's six volumes, but the level of detail was extraordinary. He does not hide his version of events, but he makes no apologies for attempting to write history. I learned so much about events, emotions, day-to-day fears, setbacks lost in the greater story, politics at the breaking point when nations were at stake, and difficulty of making decisions of a magnitude I will never experience. Churchill maintained humor, wrote thoughtfully about amazing events, and did so with dignity and honor. This was the first book I read in 2010, and I knew even then that it was going to finish right here.

Weekend update

2010-09-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

... Football is back. In light of results from the weekend, I don't have much more to say on that. Go Saints. Everyone else I root for provided varying degrees of frustration (Broncos), close calls (UVA) or flat out embarrassment (CU... and oh boy do the Buffs stink).

... I'm starting to get the itch to write my story again, which probably has something to do with the end of summer. So, I'm finally going to push for a finish to my story.

... I finally watched an episode of "Hoarders." In a related note, I am now looking for more ways to get rid of stuff. We have done a pretty good job of cutting down on junk, but I'm starting to think sentimental things also need to go. Obviously not family heirlooms, but in looking around, I've kept some pretty weird stuff for "sentimental" reasons. So, I'm going to start getting rid of them. For example, I kept the game program to every Bronco home game I went to from 1991 through about 1998, and I'm thinking there is no logical reason to keep that stuff. I may have to get an e-bay account and go for it.

... Jacob continues to show amazing focus and goal-orientation. He recently made a wonderful little project at school that was completely self-driven. His teacher explained that Jacob, who had begun to discuss the planets, was so interested in astronomy that she created a project just for him. He worked a solid week on a booklet about the planets. It includes lyrics to a little song (and a lot of big words he copied) and pictures of the planets. Jen and I were very proud of him. The teacher spoke about how dedicated he became to the project and how amazed she was at his focus. We are biased, but it really impressed us. He continues to be the biggest joy of our lives.

... I'm up to 26 books this year. I increased my percentage of good to very-good books. I learned much from last year, when I read more than a few books I wish I had not chosen. I will have a difficult time choosing my top five this year. Early leaders are:
VIRTUAL LOCKS: Churchill's memoir, "Hellhound on this Trail," by Hampton Sides and "Predictably Irrational."

STRONG CANDIDATES: Dave Eggers' "Heartbreaking Work;" "Loose Balls," by Terry Pluto; "Animal Farm," by George Orwell; "Guns, Germs and Steele," by Jerod Diamond; and "Game Change."

I am also looking forward to the books I have yet to read this year, so the Top 5 is not yet settled.

... Have a great week.

Hellhound on His Trail

2010-08-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

"It seemed like he reached down and pulled everything out of his heart." ..."I was full of joy and determination. Wherever King was, I wanted to be there. It seemed to me from where I was sitting, his eyes glowed." -- Witnesses to MLK's last speech, featured above.

I very much enjoyed reading Hellhound on His Trail, by Hampton Sides. The book details seemingly every fact known about the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The clip I embedded above is footage of a speech Dr. King gave less than 24 hours before he was murdered. He gave this speech without notes during a heavy storm. His mood had been depressed and he was searching for a second wind. The prospect of assassination seemed ever present.

Hampton Sides explores first the stalking of Dr. King by J. Edgar Hoover and the FBI, then the stalking of Dr. King by James Earl Ray and, finally, the stalking of James Earl Ray by the FBI. The story is one of intrigue, and is written in a novel-style. The hunt for James Earl Ray is a lesson in police investigation and in evasion.

The following elements (among others) led authorities to Ray: Dry cleaning tags, fingerprints, receipts, eye-witness accounts, an oil-change sticker, a bar tending school photo, Royal Mounted Police, Scotland Yard, hair samples and more man hours than you can imagine considering all this was done without computers.

Some highlights from the book:

-- Dr. King: "Each of us is two selves. The great burden of life is to always try to keep that higher self in command." This quote just rocks.

-- Dr. King (again): "We must learn to live together as brothers or we will perish together as fools."

-- Jesse Jackson embellished his involvement at the moment King was shot. He hired a public relations agent and was on the Today Show the next day. To be polite, I'll just say other Civil Rights leaders "disagreed" with his story. I'll let James Bevel tell the other side of the story:

"To prostitute and lie about the crucifixion of a prophet within a race for the sake of one's own self-aggrandizement is the most gruesome crime a man can commit." James Bevel. Lets just say Rev. Jackson isn't a hero in the book.

-- From President Lyndon B. Johnson on the rioting in response to the murder: "What did you expect? I don't know why we're so surprised. When you put your foot on a man's neck and hold him down for three hundred years, and they you let him up, what's he going to do? He's going to knock your block off."

-- James Earl Ray: "I should have pulled a holdup in Canada. That's where I made my mistake. I let myself get on that plane to London without enough money to get where I intended to go."

-- James Earl Ray, who was an escapee from prison before he killed King, told other inmates that killing Dr. King was his "retirement plan." If I ever get to the streets, I'm going to kill him." This statement didn't do a thing to stop conspiracy talk.

-- James Earl Ray made some very foolish mistakes. Those include these two gems: 1) While trying to rob a jewelry store in London to supplement his dwindling cash supply, the owner's wife, a lady in her late fifties, jumped on his back. Her husband then wrestled him to the ground and struck him several times. Ray fled. 2) He robbed a bank in London only to trade a perfect thumb-print matching the one found at the crime scene and on the weapon for 95 pounds cash. Oops.

-- Wait, that isn't close to the dumbest thing Ray did. While in custody awaiting extradition to the US, "Ramon George Sneyd" ranted about how he never met "this guy Ray" and how they absolutely had the wrong guy. After Ray calmed down and the British officer asked if they could do anything for him while he awaited extradition, he asked that his brother be notified. The agent said he would do that and asked for contact information. Ray's response?

"Oh, he lives in Chicago. His name is Jerry Ray."

D'oh!

Conspiracies

Obviously, people don't need much help concocting conspiracies. But, if you read this book and care about evidence, you really would have a hard time concluding anything other than that Ray worked alone. Conspiracy theories ranged from the FBI to militant black groups to communists to the mafia and to Southern racists.

My theory? People just don't like it that one nut can do so much damage by doing something rash. Based on the physical evidence presented in this book, you'd have to be looking for a conspiracy and determined to find one to conclude otherwise.

Overall, this book reads like a crime thriller, but it also maintains credibility as a legitimate work of non-fiction. The PBS documentary "American Experience: Roads to Memphis" is featured below and follows much of the book. I recommend this book highly.

Weekend Musings

2010-07-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

I have no excuse beyond laziness. I haven't been posting much, which is obvious, but summer is my favorite time and I tend to find things to do.

... I'm on a good book pace (for me anyway), but once again I keep being taken away to do things during the best season of the year. I've read 21 so far, but Book is running away with the title this year. See, I told you an e-reader would speed things up!

... I am also currently not working on my short story because there's just too many options. Oh well. That's what cold months are made for.

... World Cup was amazing. I love the World Cup and root hard for the USA. But, the US is usually out fairly early and I eventually get 100% behind Germany. This led to one of the most gut-wrenching sports losses I've had in 2006. The US choked in 2006, and Germany was the host, so I was all in. I had not been roped into sports in a deep emotional way for a long time, but that 2006 German team roped me in. After a brief career in sports journalism, I had become detached from sports. I thought that would protect me and foolishly let my guard down.

That's when this happened:

My friends who were there with me when this happened will attest that this loss hit me like a ton of bricks. So much for being able to leave the emotion out. I think the circumstances made it the worst possible sports storm because I truly didn't see this stomach punch coming. (Although it is possible I have blocked out much of the 3 horrible Bronco Super Bowl losses for fear of heart failure were I to access those memories).

So, in 2010, I was all in for the US team and loved embarrassing the Brits with a tie, and lost my mind when this happened:

As great as a moment as that goal was, the Ghana game in the knockout round was crushing. Not a stomach punch because they really didn't play well, but a jolt nonetheless. I was bummed, but I don't think I knew exactly how bummed I was. I hated that the US lost like they did, but I was ready to let Germany fill the void.

I took a few hours from work and watched as Spain took Germany down and the combination of the two losses gave me thoughts of 2006 and the pain as that Italian goal went in in extra time. I now know it was the combination because I was not as sold that this 2010 Germany team was as good as the 2006 team. These last two world cups have been brutal to me, but I still love the event and can't wait until 2014!

... Once again into music. Thanks to my bro, I've been introduced to a bunch of new bands with potential. My complete lack of connection to whatever a person needs to connect to for band information renders me completely dependent on others. Between friends and family, I tend to find just enough to keep my I-pod full.

Current bands I'm listening to include Muse, Metric and the White Stripes. Just learned about a few new ones from Jon, too (like "She Wants Revenge"). I continue to go through a grunge phase, too, though. A couple of videos (both new school and old school) for your consideration:

Our Blame Society

2010-06-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

I know that BP sucks, I really do. Just bear with me.

I'm just not yet ready to start the crucifixion. Don't worry, they'll have to pay. I know this horrific spill will lead to them paying a steep price and may render BP bankrupt. I'm fine with all that.

There's just one problem: None of that will help the legitimate disaster unfolding as oil continues to gush into the ocean. I mean, oil is gushing into the ocean like a fire hose and has been for more than a month.

I am literally only concerned/hopeful/desperately-anxious for the spout to be plugged. I don't care who fixes the problem. If BP is the best positioned entity to make that happen, so be it. I will never understand how so many can say we should keep the perpetrator from being involved with the cleanup. The message appears to be that if you screw up, your punishment is to let others clean up the mess.

So, why all the attention on vengeance? Why are we SO concerned about seizing assets NOW of all times?

Maybe I'm too jaded right now, but we seem to wash down outrage with pounds of flesh and goblets of blood. It seems to make people feel better that 50 million gallons of oil just became part of our ocean by demanding the immediate surrender of ... well... MONEY. Money and humiliation, really. Many people yelled at BP executives who probably couldn't patch a leak unless it involved accounting practices. Yeah, they took advantage of lax regulations, but do we really think this was done on purpose?

Some are blaming environmentalists for "causing" this to prove a point. That's so dumb it needs no comment. Some accuse the President of inaction (apparently they think he's Aqua Man... or that he cut the pipe with his fake birth-certificate... birthers are idiots.). Both sides blame the other and the scoreboard moves only with podium appearances on oil-soaked beaches.

As sick as I feel watching the carnage, the salve we seek is almost as putrid.

Dolphins, birds, fish, and every kind of living thing in a very large chunk of the ocean is being wiped out. A lot of that sea life helps feed us, by the way.

Like everyone, I feel helpless because there is a pipe injecting tons of oil into our oceans and I can't do one thing about it. The same dynamic happens in our everyday lives.

I'm beginning to think it's that we use blame to make ourselves feel in control. After all, we blame the media, we blame a car mechanic, a teacher, other people's parents and even bystanders for the misfortunes that are a part of life.

Maybe that's why I'm now reading almost exclusively basketball books. Of course, even a basketball coach made more sense than all the indignant talking heads lecturing those actually trying to solve a problem.

"And life," said Phil Jackson to his bench players, "just isn't meant to be fair."

We're all on the bench, and life isn't fair. So, no more talk of who or what to blame. It's time for us all to just deal with life head-on.

We can start with the little things in our own lives. I just wish that would help plug this hole in the earth.

Update and pictures

2010-05-03T23:06:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy time, so here's a brief update and some pictures.

... I went to the Nuggets' playoff game five last week and sat three rows from the court with Book. We watched the Nuggets scrap for a victory, but unfortunately they succumbed to the Jazz in game 6. I hate early ends to an NBA playoff run.

I was not, however, surprised that they lost game 6. That's because I got to see up close just how banged up that team was. Birdman could barely walk up and down the court and K-Mart was favoring a knee pretty significantly. We also got to watch Nene go down with a sprain.

We also got to watch acting-zombie-coach Adrian Dantley prove you can actually sleepwalk through a playoff series. It's true!

So bitter.

... My cousin Anna's wedding was a lot of fun, and Jacob danced like a kid possessed in front of everyone. He was even sliding on his knees like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Of course, he had just come from a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheeses, so he had sugar to burn.

... I've read 16 books so far and have 8 more to go. My pace will slow because I'm going to tackle some really long ones.

... I've been sick with a cough for about two weeks, meaning no exercycle for me, which stinks. I can't hardly go up stairs without coughing and I'm tired of it.

... I hit a bit of a lag on my short story, but I have gotten feedback from several folks, so I have no excuse. I will try hard to get that draft done soon.

... Mad Men is an awesome show and I'm tearing through it.

... I was reminded tonight just how many people love to rain on parades. The trick is to not let them ruin it. I think a show of joy in spite of rain is the perfect way to get back at them.

Pictures!

Lost Cause and Hitler signs

2010-04-14T22:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think history has already changed.

I don't know when it may have happened officially, but there must have been a meeting (probably several), and some of us were left out.

Tomorrow marks tax day as well as the middle of Confederate History Month in Virginia, my former home. Tomorrow I will have to drive past people angry about doing their share, ignore their Hitler signs and continue to hold the line on the history I was taught.

Maybe I was too busy to notice, but somehow history has become debatable. Somewhere along the line, the notion that slavery was the central issue of the Civil War now inspires eye rolling. It's become bleeding heart to mention it. Somehow, FDR's New Deal now apparently made the Depression worse. To suggest otherwise is apparently "socialist."

I don't mean to sound elite (and I do like an occasional latte), but such notions are foolish. And, if anyone wants to wave the stars and bars (and it has nothing to do with the Dukes of Hazard), I cannot take that person seriously.

I understand that facts create dissonance and that the natural human response is to create consonance through rationalization, but this is getting ridiculous. Rationalization isn't supposed to take the form of revisionist history.

The Civil War was absolutely about states rights... to own slaves. The second part of the sentence matters. There were other states rights issues to be sure, but the slavery issue more than any other inspired war. It was one of the few actual manifestations of a domino effect. The Dred Scott case, debate about whether new states could allow slavery, the drawing of a line in the sand and the threat of the destruction of Southern economies without free labor all piled up. Loss of slavery meant loss of their way of life and economy and they chose to fight for that and not for morality.

But, we often forget that the Civil War clearly proved that the whole is greater than separate parts. Union trumps bickering factions every time. Any Civil War book will explain how keeping Southern "independent" states marching together was like herding cats. As a result, they lost the war, and, yes, that is a good thing.

All that aside, the South was against morality by attempting to preserve bondage for an entire race. Whatever conservative ideology people today may wish to bestow upon that part of history, it cannot be separated from slavery. It just can't.

Slavery is our nation's original sin. It is forever marked on our country by a scar that even appears on our Constitution, which specifically forbade any discussion of the slavery question until 1808.

The scar is still so fresh that there are people still active in the workforce today who went to segregated schools. A speaker at the March on Washington, where MLK described his dream, still serves in Congress. His name is John Lewis and he was beaten to within an inch of his life in Selma, Alabama. He still serves in Congress and the man who beat him still lives.

Here is a taste of Mr. Lewis at the DNC in 2008 (I was there).

The scar is still so fresh that a regional section of a generation still in the workforce went to segregated schools and drank from segregated water fountains. Its time to stop trying to minimize race when we talk about our nation.

The same rationalization of ideology led to the denigration of the New Deal even though my great-grandfather and great-grandmother praised FDR for saving their family until the day each died. Now that they aren't here anymore, people convince themselves of whatever is convenient.

The same rationalization caused Texas to change its school history books to exclude Thomas Jefferson from "enlightened thinkers" (!!!) and to flip-flop the amount of coverage given to FDR and Ronald Reagan despite the obvious difference in level of influence.

Never more has the following phrase seemed more timely: "You are entitled to your own opinion, but not to your own facts."

Birthday Present

2010-03-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

On what would have been my father's 61st birthday, health care reform (by all appearances) plunged past the tipping point on its journey to reality.

Let the complaining begin, but I'll be too busy celebrating to notice.

I started thinking about the magic number 61 last night, and it was my short break from obsessing over the health care vote tally. And, just as I was starting to get tired of being sad on March 18, the yes votes started to trickle home. Some might take such timing as a sign, but I'll be glad to accept it as a happy coincidence.

I will also begin preparations to halt worry that my high blood pressure will always prevent me from obtaining any kind of meaningful insurance. But, alas, I will always have to check the box about a parent who died on or before the age of 55. Just one more year would have been nice.

Dad talked about health care reform in his typical far-ranging ways back in the day. By that, I mean I had heard him at times concern himself with the fear of "socialized medicine," but I also heard him absolutely fume over insurance companies that found ways to not cover his patients.

As usual, I really couldn't pin his position down. But, I know my position, and I will celebrate when the vote comes down on Sunday. I can't prove it, but I think dad would be happy about this as well.

Dad would have liked it that children could remain on their parents' insurance until the age 26. I know this because of how intensely he worried about any of us going a single day without coverage. When I transitioned from his insurance to my own as a student, he was adament that I not even risk one day of non-coverage. He said something to the effect of, "what if that's the day you learn the wrong thing and it becomes pre-existing?So, he knew the insurance game.

Obviously, he would like that pre-existing conditions will no longer stop people from being covered. The prohibition against removing coverage when a patient is sick? Only a jackass would be against that. Or someone in the video below:

I think dad would have frowned on anyone who would treat one of his patients like the man in this video was treated. I know that because he cared about his patients. And because he was not an asshole.

I could never imagine dad being against providing coverage to 30 million more people.

Despite clear signs that the Democratic Party strongly considered making a back-breaking, goal-line fumble in its march to the end game, health care reform (appears) a done deal. Apparently, the powers that be realized that failure to bring this bill home for want of a better one would lead to either never having reform or having the kind of free-market based reform that leads to the exact problems plaguing the whole industry today.

Somehow, cats managed to march in unison behind what I can only imagine to be otherworldly forces... or political catnip, I guess. Really, this is a two-pronged miracle. First, it's a miracle the vote was this close a call considering the huge numerical advantage held by the Democratic party. Second, it was a major miracle that they still didn't screw this up.

I would like to thank the President for his leadership on this issue and his steely-resolve (almost Republican-like in its Machiavellian qualities). I would also like to thank Betsy Markey for her (announced) vote in favor of reform. If you remember, I blogged about my conversation with her about this. True to her word, she was there when it mattered.

Nothing is perfect, and neither is this bill. But time matters, and we just couldn't wait any longer. Afterall, with death as permanent as it is and all, why not act now?

Happy Birthday, dad. I hope you liked your present.

*** UPDATE TO THIS POST.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the coming of age of our President. Barack Obama has been in office for over a year, but this victory has cemented him as THE PRESIDENT. He's made the leap. The wide eyes have narrowed. The brow has furrowed. He's got this! Watch this video and see for yourself what leadership can look like.

Of Politics and Wrestling

2010-03-07T16:07:00.001-08:00

I just finished reading Game Change about the 2008 Presidential election and I was struck by how similar the world of politics is to the world of professional wrestling. And soap operas. I loved every page of the book, but felt mildly dirty for enjoying it.

A majority of the book deals with the Democratic primaries for obvious reasons. The Democrats had a much longer and more intense fight for the party's nomination. The book focuses on the three top candidates: Obama, Clinton and John Edwards. It also breaks down the Republican primary and the general, but the Democratic primary took the majority.

The reason this book made me think of professional wrestling is not simply my recent reading of Hitman. I thought of wrestling because of how much of campaigning is BS and how both sides of a given story KNOW it's BS, yet turn the political knife anyway. For example, in the general election between Obama and McCain, the book stated unequivocally that the McCain campaign knew darn well that Obama's famous "lipstick on a pig" comment had nothing to do with Sarah Palin. They demanded an apology to court Hillary supporters and women in general and to put the Obama campaign on the defensive. I single this story out because of how explicitly the book stated that no one in the McCain camp actually thought Obama meant Palin. I must mention, that Republicans certainly were not alone in this tactic.

Each campaign would be both embarrassed and flattered by its portrayal in this book. There were tales of opportunism, brilliance and underhandedness everywhere and no campaign was spared. The Obama campaign looked the best, but was clearly not immune from playing in the mud.

Some observations:

-- I was shocked that the title of "craziest person" in any campaign was not won by the odds-on favorites (Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin in whatever order), but rather by Elizabeth Edwards. This shocked me because I never saw Mrs. Edwards as a candidate in the race for nut-job of the campaign season. Trust me when I say it took a cancer diagnosis for anyone associated with the Edwards campaign to feel a twinge of sympathy for her. Of course, it's not every day that a multi-millionaire angrily threatens to suspend the health insurance of all campaign workers until hers is secured. Even less predictable would be someone doing so on a national call attended by many of the lowest paid / hardest working organizers hitting the pavement. Multi-millionaires also do not often expose themselves while in an argument. Like I said, it wasn't even close.

(Just a few more Elizabeth stories because I can't resist: She called John a "hick" in front of other people and derided his parents as rednecks; and She laughed at the idea that John would read a book and claimed to be the smart one.)

-- Bill Clinton is a hothead, but he appreciates evil genius even when he's the victim. When the Obama campaign called him on his reference to Jesse Jackson winning South Carolina, clearly implying something, Clinton was now portrayed as a racist, at least by implication. The book says that "though it infuriated (Clinton), he could not help but respect the artfulness of the play... I wish our people were more like that, Bill said." He's an angry, bitter man, but he appreciates a good move. Of course Bill also said the Ted Kennedy: "the only reason you're endorsing him is because he's black. Let's just be clear." So, it's not like Bill didn't give the Obama camp any openings.

-- With whom did Clinton counsel about being essentially called a racist? George W. Bush. Clinton bitched to W about the betrayals he suffered for 15 minutes and W said "I know you aren't a racist." This was like seeing King Kong Bundy and Hulk Hogan laughing over a few beers at a local pub in the mid 80s or something. This is why wrestling is more like politics than we'd like to admit. They play up the hatred in public, but they're all just colleagues behind the scenes. W and Bill apparently talked "more often than almost anyone knew" during W's reign. THE CURTAIN HAS BEEN LIFTED! I mean... what can I possibly add? Talk about breaking the fourth wall. We are all being had.

-- Obama is absolutely as cool as the other side of the pillow, just as commonly perceived. His best quote was before his 2004 keynote address at the DNC nominating Kerry. "I'm LeBron, baby. I can play on this level. I got some game." Another was before his first debate with McCain when he calmed one nervous aid by putting his hand on her shoulder and saying calmly one-hour before go-time "Don't worry. I got this." Obama seemed to never let anger rattle him, but he was portrayed as whiny regarding the rigorous schedule and could be passive-aggressive. Still, he is the only one who seemed genuinely loved by his staff.

-- Hillary avoids conflict like the plague when dealing with individuals and yet is prone to fits of anger at her staff as a whole. She also does nothing to diffuse internal problems and tends to let them simmer. Her and Bill held a deep belief that the press was in the tank for Obama (which is probably true) and a never-ending suspicion of foul play. Even after it was all over they were both convinced Obama bused people into Iowa from Illinois.

-- The second-place finisher for crazy person of the campaign is actually Judi Giuliani, and she was only second because she was mentioned so infrequently. But, stories of her instability were potent, if brief. She had worked for a medical supply firm that exterminated puppies as part of its sales demonstration. That's right, she somehow was linked to puppy murder. You can't make this stuff up. Her only response was that it was a long time ago and she couldn't remember her involvement. I would think one would know if one was or was not involved in the murder of puppies. Had Rudy been a bigger threat to win, her stories would have been the highlight of the book.

(Giuliani had to answer her cell phone calls EVEN IF IN THE MIDDLE OF A SPEECH - and he did - because, in his words "it's a lot better that way." I am not kidding, she finishes second.)

-- Sarah Palin's lack of preparation, absence of mental curiosity and basic inability to grasp ground-level concepts actually and literally frightened McCain's staff. Preparing her for the debate took on the kind of prep work normally reserved for moon landings and her "success" at parroting the talking points they made her memorize (and calling Biden "Joe" because she could NOT stop calling him Obiden in rehearsal) was celebrated as a major accomplishment. The fact she may be third on the crazy chart is a testament to Elizabeth and Judi and should not be seen as a vindication of Sarahcuda. McCain advisers actually surreptitiously had her monitored by a doctor to see if she was "mentally unstable."

(It should be noted that Bill Clinton is easily the third-craziest spouse and gives Palin a run for her money. His clear edge in brain power puts him fourth behind Palin, but it's closer than one would think).

-- Huckabee actually questioned whether Romney had a soul. Coming from a former pastor, that made me chuckle.

-- Lindsay Graham, John McCain and Joe Lieberman could not stop watching the Youtube video of John Edwards fixing his hair. They watched it over and over and laughed until they had tears in their eyes. "Let's look at it again!" McCain would command. Again, this made me chuckle.

-- Obama's amazing ability to put the bitterness of the primary campaign was awe-inspiring. He was literally the only one of his entire staff (including Michelle) who was willing to give Hillary a position in the administration. His reasoning? "She's going to be really good at this job." He would not take "No" for an answer and made a compelling case to Hillary. He told her that the economy was going to command his focus and he would require someone to hold down the foreign policy part of things. He said she was the only one he could really trust to do this. After reading all the amazing battles their campaigns fought, this is nothing short of amazing and made me think of Team of Rivals and how Lincoln kept back-stabbing rival Soloman Chase around because he was such a good Treasury Secretary. All he cared is that she would be the best person for the job. Same with Biden for VP.

So, there you have it. Campaigning is a business, it is entertaining, it involves steel chairs upon the heads of unsuspecting victims and they all end up having beers together in the end. It's like I read the Hitman book all over again. And, just like a wrestling book, it feels like a guilty pleasure or like I got caught watching a soap opera. I loved this book, and that makes me feel dirty.

A Heartbreaking Work

2010-02-28T17:47:00.000-08:00

I just finished Dave Eggers' book, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. It's one heck of a book, and heartbreaking is certainly a good description of it.

The book is a biopic about the author and his little brother. Their parents both die within a short time and Eggers has to raise his much younger brother. They are 21 and 9, which leads to exactly the kinds of house rules one would imagine.

This book was very well written and, most unique, the story was creatively told. The book hit home a bit, and will do so for anyone who has lived through a traumatic family death.

Eggers used a unique voice throughout, and he really made the story interesting even when fairly mundane events were taking place. Sometimes, the story is the feeling, rather than the events. This book is an early favorite for top-5 of the year. This year may be my toughest decision yet as to top five.

I feel obligated to put Churchill #1 if for no other reason that it was like living history and because it is the only first hand account I will read this year about probably the most important time in modern history. Yet, from pure enjoyment (Eggers' work) to life lessons (Predictably Irrational), I could put any number of those at number 1. Eggers will have to strive for number two, and its a dead heat. From pure joy of reading, Eggers wins. Time to let the decision simmer for awhile.

OTHER UPDATES

... I am working diligently on my story and am up to 12 pages or so. I have mapped much of the story and feel like I it will probably be about 30 pages when done. I have completed the back stories of three characters, and need to complete two more as well as the "event" at the end.

... We went sledding last week, and I have some pictures below. Jacob went down the hill about three times before deciding he would rather just run down the hill. I also threw in some more pictures that we have taken since Christmas. Enjoy.

Playing with Mom's Clarinet

Jacob and Maerron

Running down the hill

Posing in the cold

All bundled up

My Jen

Helping Dad Shovel

Mom and Jacob

Shoveling

Ego Maniac

2010-02-18T19:36:00.000-08:00

As I write this, I'm keeping tabs on the Nuggets vs. Cleveland game. It just went into overtime. I am also awaiting Jacob's bedtime so I can relax with a blu-ray movie. Maybe Dark Knight... maybe Star Trek. It's a nice relaxing evening.

Anyway, I just finished book number six on the year, and it again pushed my interest in behavioral science (specifically dissonance theory) to new heights. We have all taken an introductory course in psychology or sociology that mentioned the "ego" and the "super ego," and we have all mocked such things incessantly. I know I have.

I'm not real big into Freud or anything of that nature, but I am quickly taking a liking to cognitive dissonance. The two books that set my fire most recently are "Mistakes were Made (but not by me)" and "Predictably Irrational."

Although neither book expresses ideas of the Super ego, they do illustrate that our perceptions of ourselves justify our actions. At times, even irrationally.

The theory, in short, is that we have an opinion of ourselves; actions happen that challenge that view of ourselves (we appear to have been less than honest, as an example); this creates discomfort to us; we use justifications to restore our notion of who we are; and, this rarely leads to admissions of mistakes. This can also explain why person already standing in a deep hole can somehow manage to dig deeper. This is done with what I'll call the "self-justification Shovel."

I love books that help me on a daily basis, and both of these titles do just that.

This may sound like a justification for manipulation, but it also taught me how to better recognize dissonance in myself and others and how to "influence" a person to feeling consonance (comfort), which lessens the need for self-justification.

(Carmelo Anthony just hit the game winner in the face of LeBron James. I am now pumped. Justify that LeBron!!).

OTHER UPDATES

.... Now that my reading pace has taken me through March, I have created the space necessary to make a real push for a first draft of my story. I have pushed forward and written another 5 or 6 pages, and I have done a lot more mapping. Now is my big writing push.

.... Jacob has been doing well. He's as playful as ever. We have decided to take more pictures and I will try to post some soon.

.... I am tired of this winter.

Book Report

2010-02-11T21:08:00.001-08:00

I posted this at my book blog, but I'll repost it here since I've been too busy trying to write my story to blog as must as usual. I just finished book 4 on the year and am currently reading two more while I plod through my story.

This one is about pro wrestling:

Approximately once a year, I have a weird craving to relive the old days when I watched pro wrestling as a kid. We even once organized "viewings" of Wrestlemanias I through III at rotating locations within the last few years. (I will spare naming all involved in this delicious travesty of taste.)

This makes me neither proud nor ashamed. It really just amuses me.

I don't watch wrestling today. I don't enjoy what it has become. Hell, I laugh at 80s wrestling today and enjoy it now for very different (mostly mocking and nostalgic) reasons. But, for the second year in a row, I read a book about old-school wrestling from the days of my youth. This year, I read "Hitman," by Bret "The Hitman" Hart.

Ironically, I used to hate Bret Hart and his evil Hart Foundation. I loved the British Bulldogs, who were arch rivals with the Hart Foundation.

"Hitman" is a great book. It takes you into the "cartoon" world of pro wrestling. I learned a lot about the history of wrestling, and, most interesting, how it works behind the scenes. Hart takes the position that the wrestling business grinds its workers up and spits them out. I think there is some truth to that, but that there is also a tendency for unstable people to explore such a career. There is definitely truth in both perspectives.

The stories are funny, depressing, strange and just odd at times. I recommend reading this book near a computer so you can youtube the various matches he describes in detail. For example, I watched Hart take the kick to the head that ended his career. I also watched the online footage of the "Montreal Screwjob," complete with Vince McMahon wobbling out of the locker room after being knocked silly by Hart.

Although the "Montreal Screwjob" has been a source of great sympathy for Hart, I actually began to think of how Hart may have put himself over a little too well in the book. My take: A promoter has to deal with moody, roided up alpha-males on a regular basis. He has a business to run and didn't get rich by letting wrestlers who decided to go to his rival (WCW) while champion keep the belt and march out triumphant. Promoter lies (not OK, but also... well, Hart makes it clear wrestlers are a bit moody and difficult) and screws over his champion. In the process he damages the goods being received by the rival and collects enough checks to more than pay for the broken jaw.

Pardon my sarcasm, but being "screwed" out of a title defense while 1) leaving the company and 2) ITS STAGED didn't garner as much sympathy from me as I know others feel about this incident. Sorry, but he was 5 time champ because that got ratings. He was a good "wrestler" in that he preformed well, but popularity is what mattered. Stuff happens.

Most interesting to me were the stories of what some of my favorites were like behind the scenes. Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, Dynamite Kid, etc. I also loved the stories of the road and all the ribbing. Just kinda guy stories. It was a fun book, but I can't get all broken up about losing a belt that changes hands based on projected ratings draws. Shoot me.

As for steroids, Hart basically makes the strong case that a career would be over without them for someone of his stature (he wasn't exactly a giant). I took this to mean he simply used the "recommended" dosage. It was that or a different career... he rolled the dice and got rich. He only mentions it once when he decided to do it and never again brings it up, although its implied he was on them his whole career (never explicitly says so, though). He later confuses his own use by suggesting he was a desired champ because he wasn't a roided up freak like so many others at a time when people were angry about steroids. I guess its appropriate my next book is about self-justification.

Overall, a fun read. Much longer than expected, and he has some points to make. Much like actual wrestling shows, it's like reading 500 pages of one long description of a train wreck. You see all the twisted metal and all the carnage vividly after reading this book.

Churchill

2010-01-26T22:32:00.001-08:00

I am reposting what I posted on my reading blog (25booksayear.blogspot.com) here. I am doing this because I am lazy.

I have enjoyed reading Winston Churchill. Not only because he is one of the greatest leaders of all time, but because he is simply a fun author to read. He keeps a sense of humor, makes grand proclamations and tells the tale through anecdotes. What more would you expect from a man who took great pride in urinating on the Siegfried line along with some of his generals? These are a few memorable quotes from Winston Churchill:

-- FINAL THOUGHTS: "The broadening of thought is a process which acquires momentum by seeking opportunity for all who claim it. And it may well be if wisdom and patience are practiced that Opportunity-for-all will conquer the minds and restrain the passions of mankind."

-- ON FRUSTRATIONS AT THE END -- "As war waged by a coalition draws to its end political aspects have a mounting importance. It is true that American thought is at least disinterested in matters which seem to relate to territorial acquisitions, but when wolves are about the shepherd must guard his flock, even if he does not himself care for mutton."

-- ON AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY -- "But we never succeeded in deflecting the Americans from their purpose. Their national psychology is such that the bigger the Idea the more wholeheartedly and obstinately do they throw themselves into making it a success. It is an admirable characteristic, provided the Idea is good."

-- ON A FORMAL DECLARATION OF WAR -- "Some people did not like this ceremonial style (of declaring war on Japan). But after all when you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."

-- ON THE PEARL HARBOR ATTACK -- "Silly people, and there were many, not only in enemy countries, might discount the force of the United States. Some said they were soft, others that they would never be united. They would fool around at a distance. They would never come to grips. They would never stand blood-letting. Their democracy and system of recurrent elections would paralyse their war effort. They would be just a vague blur on the horizon to friend or foe. Now we should see the weakness of this numerous but remote, wealthy, and talkative people. But I had studied the American Civil War, fought out to the last desperate inch. American blood flowed in my veins. I thought of a remark which Edward Gray had made to me more than thirty years before - that the United States is like "a gigantic boiler. Once the fire is lighted under it there is no limit to the power it can generate." Being saturated and satiated with emotion and sensation, I went to bed and slept the sleep of the saved and thankful."

-- TO THE CANADIAN PARLIAMENT WHILE VISITING ROOSEVELT -- "When I warned (French leaders) that Britain would fight on alone whatever they did, their generals told their Prime Minister and his divided Cabinet, "In three weeks England will have her neck wrung like a chicken." Some chicken! Some neck!"

Never Surrender

2010-01-05T10:15:00.000-08:00

A funny thing happened when I started reading the abridged Memoirs of the Second World War by Winston S. Churchill.

This book takes the six books written by Churchill about the war and combines them into one abridged work. Churchill won the Nobel Prize for Literature for his epic work documenting the earth's most destructive war.

But the part that made me stop was his description on pages 20 and 21 of events that led to the Great Depression. Mr. Churchill reminded me that there are not many things in the world that are truly unique. And, during this time of uncertainty for many, the tried-and-true methods will help get us through. For starters, remember to extend a helping hand, stave off surrender and band together.

In 1959, Churchill wrote the following about the 1920s (complete with British spelling):

"The year 1929 reached almost the end of its third quarter under the promise and appearance of increasing prosperity, particularly in the United States. Extraordinary optimism sustained an orgy of speculation. Books were written to prove that economic crisis was a phase which expanding business organisation and science had at last mastered. "We are apparently finished and done with economic cycles as we have known them," said the President of the New York Stock Exchange in September. But in October a sudden and violent tempest swept over Wall Street. The intervention of the most powerful agencies failed to stem the tide of panic sales. A group of leading banks constituted a milliard-dollar pool to maintain and stabilise the market. All was vain.

"The whole wealth so swiftly gathered in the paper values of previous years vanished. <The prosperity of millions of American homes had grown upon a gigantic structure of inflated credit now suddenly proved phantom. Apart from the nation-wide speculation in shares which even the most famous banks had encouraged by easy loans, a vast system of purchase by instalment of houses, furniture, cars, and numberless kinds of household conveniences and indulgences had grown up. All now fell together. The mighty production plants were thrown into confusion and paralysis. But yesterday there had been the urgent question of parking the motorcars in which thousands of artisans and craftsmen were beginning to travel to their daily work. Today, the grievous pangs of falling wages and rising unemployment afflicted the whole community, engaged till this moment in the most active creation of all kinds of desirable articles for the enjoyment of millions. The American banking system was far less concentrated and solidly based than the British. Twenty thousand local banks suspended payment. The means of exchange of goods and services between man and man was smitten to the ground, and the crash on Wall Street reverberated in modest and rich households alike.

"It should not however be supposed that the fair vision of far greater wealth and comfort ever more widely shared which had entranced the people of the United States had nothing behind it but delusion and market frenzy. Never before had such immense quantities of goods of all kinds been produced, shared, and exchanged in any society. There is in fact no limit to the benefits which human being may bestow upon one another by the highest exertion of their diligence and skill. This splendid manifestation had been shattered and cast down by vain imaginative processes and greed of gain which far outstripped the great achievement itself. In the wake of the collapse of the stock market came during the years between 1929 and 1932 an unrelenting fall in prices and consequent cuts in production causing widespread unemployment."

-- Memoirs of the Second World War, an abridgment of the six volumes of The Second World War, by Winston S. Churchill, pp. 20-21. Mariner Books.

(emphasis added)

Sound familiar? Eerily familiar?

I am not predicting a depression, but I certainly was not comforted by reading the above passage. It made me recall the main theme from the new TV series Battlestar Galactica, which is "All of this has happened before and all of it will happen again."

The economy is bigger than politics, so I am not going to use this post to assign blame or to prescribe some sort of solution. I will even resist the temptation to badger over the glut of non-regulators manning the positions of regulators. The fact remains that our foundational financial institutions found ways to over-indulge and would have found a way in any event.

What matters is that many people are really hurting out there. We all know people who are being ground to dust by circumstances. It's a scary time and unemployment has been rampant.

I am not sure where we go from here, but I hope our populace will resist the usual mud slinging and band together. I hope our leaders can find the strength to tell us what the truth is and not try to sugarcoat it. I hope we can embrace real solutions even if they are difficult or non-compliant with our ideological beliefs.

In any case, such things will take time and no solution will work quickly.

In the meantime, its time for all hands on deck. While bigger solutions are sought to the extent possible in Washington, it's time to help each other. None of us are in this alone and today's hard luck neighbors may end up being the ones who pull you out of the abyss if or when fate changes hands.

I always talk about bootstraps. We can control events to a point. We can make opportunities into successes by our efforts, but we never do anything alone. And, now more than ever, we need each other.

Another lesson we can take from Mr. Churchill is that no matter how bad things get, we must persevere to the end. No one can say that with more authority than the man who rescued England from perils we cannot understand today. His favorite term was "KBO," which means "keep buggering on."

We may not be fighting on the beaches or in the air, but we can fight for homes and for each other. The message is the same in war as in economic turmoil: Never Surrender. And hang in there.

Mapping the Gray

2009-12-26T23:14:00.001-08:00

As the new year dawns, I realize that there is almost nothing I really want to change. Yet, like everyone, I will probably make a list of resolutions.

Resolutions are good at "sharpening the saw" and encourage "re dedication" to positive habits that have waned. I'm all for resolutions and no one in the world has attained perfection.

This New Year, however, has me focused on attempts to understand our species. What began as an elaborate attempt to learn about human behavior for a short story has turned into an obsession. I can't stop trying to learn about the rationality employed by people. I'm now getting a second wind on writing, but my study is nowhere close to done.

I recently was exposed to behavior that shocked my conscience, and, as a result, intensified my curiosity. The thought process that followed led to a hashing-out of my concept of truth. I have settled on a "modern" view for now. Allow me to explain.

I was introduced to a situation involving a mother who gave birth to a child while high on meth - and thus imposing upon that child the most uncertain and difficult of futures. My introduction into the scene was on the periphery and I do not really know any of the people involved, but it brought back memories of a similar case I argued and set my mind aflutter.

For reasons I cannot explain, I have never needed to learn the hard way. That is not to say I always learn easily, gracefully or with any special aptitude. I just don't tend to dabble in areas clearly shown to be dangerous. It may be from over-caution; from adept parenting provided to me; or it may be out of cowardice, but I have never flirted with rock bottom. I have never tried any illegal drug, I never picked up smoking, and I do not drink regularly or to excess. Heck, I haven't even gotten a speeding ticket since college and I will do anything possible to avoid snow driving. I guess I play the odds.

I am certain that none of my choices come from any personal superiority, and that is why I have a deep fascination with those who make terrible decisions in life and how that reflects upon greater truths. I always wonder what drives those decisions.

Is it a chemical or biological urge that comes from DNA? Does upbringing overpower nature? More specifically, would someone of my own temperament submit to the pressures if placed in a specific environment? I am sure the answer would be so variable as to be no better than a shrug. All of the above? None of the above? Some of each, but all of none? Every possible answer is on the table.

The mother who gave birth to a child while high on meth can appear normal and even pleasant in casual conversation. I cannot pretend to understand her station in life. I cannot know what the world looks like through her eyes or what she learned (or didn't learn) from her parents or family. But, I do know this: what she did was just about the worst display of judgment I can imagine.

Yet, somehow, decisions like hers aren't nearly as rare as they should be. I know because I can still see the image of a dead child from the file of my first-ever case.

My case involved a mother who was crashing from a meth high. Although a malfunctioning electric blanket inflicted the fatal heat levels, it was the mother who caused a death by placing her drug addiction ahead of the needs of an 11-week-old baby.

Some might call for execution as the only remedy to such horrible judgment as a violation of a basic and indisputable truth. Others will view the mother as a victim who must be rehabilitated as a nod to the uncertainty of greater truths in light of circumstances. Still others will grudgingly advocate rehab to avoid the unhappy consequence of a child without a mother (the pragmatic approach). I have no idea how to look at it, but I will not rationalize her behavior.

I simply cannot fathom such judgment and decision making. All attempts to explain seem like rationalization, which leads me to my greater point and how that relates to a greater truth.

The variations of poor judgment run the gamut. The examples above are extreme, of course. But, I have been considering the notion that we are less a rational species than a "rationalizing" one. This notion is not unique (I read an overview in one of Malcolm Gladwell's many brilliant books), but it is a harsh one that I hope to find unfitting.

When we discuss judgment, degrees are often used to justify behavior we know to be wrong. Maybe one person will say, "well, I did meth, but not while pregnant." Another may say, "I only drink and drive, but I've never killed anyone and I always took the back roads." Degrees aside, all the above involve poor judgment and dangerous behavior no matter how explained. Taken further, this example could lead to, "well, I didn't outright lie by leaving out the obvious relevant tidbit" to justify deception. Each degree takes us closer to what could be labeled the "actual truth."

In years past, I have contemplated some of the post-modern philosophical ideas and their general notion of subjective truths. Specifically, the idea that we can never really know if an action was "wrong" in the greater sense because we can't know all that is behind a given fact pattern. But, although some of those arguments are clever, I cannot shake the older (ironically titled "modern") belief in a firm right and wrong.

There is a lot of gray area between "right" and "wrong." I am certain of that. I am also certain it is not all gray.

I have decided that much of what we all consider gray area is constructed by our own rationalization. There is gray area, but it is smaller than many are willing to accept. That gray area can become as wide as we need it to be so as to justify ourselves. Although every person's map is unique, the larger the gray area, the more we fool ourselves.

My view of the gray area includes the unknowable (such as many religion-based arguments) and moral ambiguities (the "do you kill to potentially save?" type issues). I am sure there are more, but no matter where that difficult-to-find line is, the clearly marked areas cannot be missed.

Not doing drugs is clearly right. Driving while clearly sober is clearly right. Telling the truth even when it hurts is right.

We will all land squarely in the wrong at times. It will always happen. Only when we shade that side with gray and make ourselves comfortable therein do we perpetuate poor judgment. Sometimes we have to accept that "bad things happen," feel shame and re-settle in the clearly marked areas.

Of course, I'm already thinking of rationalizations to broaden my gray area so as not to offend ... and I think maybe therein lies the problem.

Holiday Update

2009-12-22T19:20:00.000-08:00

... We are hosting Jen's dad for his holiday visit. In preparation for his visit, we showed Jacob some home movies of when he played trains with his grandfather during the last visit. We talked up the idea of trains and insisted that grandpa's arrival would lead to immense amounts of train play.

As a result, Jacob literally could not wait for Jen's dad to arrive and, once he did, Jacob absolutely pounced. He has referred to grandpa as "my best friend" and gets upset when he goes downstairs to take a break from the train onslaught.

... I learned not to try to explain death to a three year old. I hadn't reviewed that part of the manual. Now, whenever we mention "mommy's daddy" he turns to me and says "your dad is dead." Fun.

... Jacob caused an uproar when he and his cousins were baking with grandpa on Monday. Jacob doesn't like to miss anything with his cousins. So, he brought his training potty (which had been relegated for late-night necessity) into the kitchen and proceeded to do his business in the presence of all parties. The training potty is now hidden.

... Although I'm done with my year's allotment of books, I am still trying to get one more finished before 2010. Malcolm Gladwell literally teaches me about life. What a writer / reporter / journalist. I love his books. They just make you think.

... Gladwell touched on a topic I have taken a keen interest in lately: dancing dialogue. He discusses how people communicate through posture and movements. I always take note of how people compose their bodies, countenances, etc. while interacting. I am trying to utilize those traits for (you guessed it) my ever-in-the-works short story / book. I worked on that a little the other day, and it's moving slowly, but I feel like I know where its going.

... Health care reform is coming. I am glad it is almost here. The misleading information has been exposed, the problems with the bill as a result of compromise are apparent, and its time to start the process. If opponents of any reform at all win, nothing gets solved. It's time to provide options. And, yes, passing health care reform will be a monumental political feather in Obama's cap.

... I am off from work until January 4, 2010 and I plan on enjoying the time off.

... I want to wish everyone a happy holiday season.

End of the Year Book Report

2009-12-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

This month ends year two of my "Book challenge" with, well, Book. As always, the goal is 24 per year, but this year we each received two "assignment" reads from the other. I assigned Richard Kluger's "Simple Justice" and Barrack Obama's "Faith of my Fathers" to Book.

I figured this would be a good time to give a rundown of the books I read this year and my thoughts on them. I will try to pick a top five and make notations on most memorable.

** Denotes a top 5 for the year.

THE STAT PADDERS

These books were easy reads, light reads, or whatever you want to use as a euphemism for "short." Hey, I have a job and a family, so I can't read ALL long books.

-- Ernie Davis: The Elmira Express, by Robert Gallagher. The true story of Ernie Davis and a really fun read. It was short if only because Davis' life was short. The most interesting information was from Davis' short pro career and his fight against cancer. There were also great stories about what it was like for the first African American Heisman winner to play games in the deep South. I never cease to be amazed at how relatively recently segregation gripped this nation.

-- Born Standing Up, by Steve Martin. This book included a lot of the behind-the-scenes stories of Martin's rise to fame. I had no idea how long or how diligently he worked to master the craft of comedy. The man worked hard to become funny. He also did drugs. Shocking, I know.

-- Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, by Chuck Klosterman. An essay book that was great fun to read. Although the essays are not all winners, the vast majority are, and he even managed to reel me into topics I would otherwise never explore. He is a very clever and intelligent writer, and very funny at times. Plus, he picked the right Star Wars movie as the best ever.

-- Me of Little Faith, by Lewis Black. Comedy book. Pretty disappointing on the whole. I should have read a different one by him. Mixing religion and comedy rarely works, and never works for a whole book.

-- Winston Churchill, by John Keegan. I must confess, I really wanted to read a thorough, long and detailed biography of Sir Winston Churchill, but none were available on Kindle, and I've become a Kindle snob, so I will hold out for a Kindle-worthy title. In the meantime, this very short book from the Penguin "biography" series provided me with a working knowledge of a true hero of WWII. Interesting, but more of a long (200 page) book report than a detailed account. Interesting, and informative. It did the job.

JUST A JOY TO READ

These books all contributed to my greater good mood. Each of these were fun to read and hard to put down.

-- Have a Nice Day, a tale of blood and sweat socks, by Mick Foley. Some of the most interesting stories I have ever read. This book kicked off a mini-fascination with pro wrestling for me. It's like watching a train wreck. I got my fill and moved on, but this book was memorable.

-- The Watchmen, by Alan Moore. Loved the movie. Loved the graphic novel. Really smart story and it even satisfied my need for politics.

** -- The Book of Basketball, by Bill Simmons. I love the NBA. I love somewhat off-color humor. I loved this book. One of the top five of the year. I may even read this one again because it has already sparked a number of NBA discussions among the guys. Never hurts that we now have stories to tell from the book signing.

-- Bowls, polls and tattered souls, by Stewart Mandel. I enjoy Mandel's writing. The book was interesting and pretty entertaining. This filled the void since neither Charlottesville, VA, nor Boulder, CO fielded anything close to college football teams in 2009. Seriously, this book WAS my college football season. Well, that and watching my boss get dragged through the mud by Notre Dame.

-- Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown. Much better than Angels and Demons (which I read last year). I loved the ending and enjoyed the story. Considering I'm usually not a fan of fiction, the fact I liked this book says something.

-- Boys Will Be Boys, by Jeff Pearlman. I've never liked the Dallas Cowboys, but their 90s teams were full of some colorful characters (and that puts it lightly). Just a lot of funny stories, debauchery, and more genital waving that I expected (Seriously, Charles Haley was a Loony Toon... who liked to show everyone his junk).

ULTIMATELY FORGETTABLE

I read less forgettable books this year than last, which is a good thing. Still, they can't all be winners.

-- How to Rig an Election, by Allan Raymond. Very disappointing. There was not much depth to this "inside" story of political espionage. More like one guy who went too far one time and got smacked for it.

-- As They See 'Em, by Bruce Webber. Impulse Kindle purchase. Somewhat interesting look at how umpires are trained. There were some interesting stories from former umps, but the umpire school parts were just ok.

-- The Lost Symbol, by Dan Brown. I have referred to this as "Angels and Da Vinci Lose a Symbol." This was at times compelling, but ultimately disappointing. Dan Brown found a formula and he refuses to deviate from it. Too predictable, too much of the same thing. Not much to the end. Ultimately, it was just one step too far into the conspiracy world. Reached a Tipping Point I think.

LIFE LESSONS

-- Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. See below.

**-- Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. See below.

-- The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. These three titles by Gladwell were all spectacular handbooks to life. Outliers supported my belief that you can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps because we don't control much of what allows success. The Tipping Point can be used to illustrate how most things in life really turn the corner. Blink taught me much about perceptions and how our inherent biases work without our knowledge or control. All three were just spectacular. Outliers gets into the top five because its lessons are the most applicable to everyday life.

**-- Brothers Karamozov, by Fyodore Dostoevsky. This is considered by many to be the greatest novel ever written. It was less a novel than a psychological study of various types of people. This book was very helpful in my slow and deliberate development of characters in my own story. The depth of this book cannot be adequately described. This is truly one of the greatest works ever written.

**-- Crime and Punishment, by Fyodore Dostoevsky. Another masterpiece by Dostoevsky. I LOVED the ending and its simplicity. The main character was completely fascinating and this book explored every inch of him. It also made his crime seem almost understandable considering his circumstances. The mind games he endured while trying to avoid capture were absorbing. Only Dostoevsky could create a character so completely. You will love him, hate him, sympathize with him and condemn him. And, in the end, you will understand him.

**-- Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin. One of the greatest books I have ever read. This wins the award if only because of my preference for nonfiction and for my obsession with politics. Abraham Lincoln was the greatest solver of problems I have ever read about. His deeds, demeanor, methods and overall genuine kindness are shown to the reader. There is less description than illustration. By the end, you will almost find yourself in tears at his assassination. You will also literally watch him save our nation.

THE REST

-- Seabiscuit, by Laura Hillenbrand. This book was assigned by Book, and it was good. He told me I would be rooting for a horse, and, although it didn't go that far for me, it was a well-told story. I enjoyed this book much more than I expected to. The people in the story were fascinating and complemented each other well. That's probably why they were so successful.

-- The Breaks of the Game, by David Halberstam. Simmons calls this the greatest basketball book ever written. It was a fascinating account. I love the idea of a book about a team that did not win a title. Those stories interest me more and there are not many written. I would love to read more books about teams that would be forgettable without a book having been written. It makes the story feel like a snapshot of what "teams" are like. It also included a lot of background information about how the league became what it is today.

-- American Lion, by Jon Meacham. This book won a Pulitzer. I learned a lot about Andrew Jackson and his presidency. I was most surprised about just how much drama soaked his White House. I was not as impressed as I expected to be, but it was a good work based on previously un-published personal writings. At times, the drama gets very soap-opera-ish.

-- Southern Storm, by Noah Andre Trudeau. "The Devil Born to Earth," as a friend once called Gen. Sherman, basically destroyed Georgia. This is a detailed account of his March to the Sea. It was interesting and read surprisingly quickly.

HOME STRETCH

I am finishing my final book and will be reading an extra one or two before the end of the year.

-- Eating the Dinosaur, by Chuck Klosterman. I am almost done with this one, and it is better than "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs." So far his very best work, and I would include it in the Joy section.

-- The Football Fan's Manifesto, by Michael Tunison. This will go into the forgettable section. I have been "close" to finishing this for quite a while. Just predictable and recycled football humor. I am only finishing it because I started it.

TOP 5

5. Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell.

4. The Book of Basketball, by Bill Simmons.

3. Brothers Karamozov, by Fyodore Dostoevsky.

2. Crime and Punishment, by Fyodore Dostoevsky.

1. Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin.

It's been another great year of reading. I am already getting the Kindle tuned up for 2010. As always, suggestions are welcome (and will most likely be followed if its available on Kindle).

One Full Weekend

2009-11-23T17:34:00.001-08:00

My weekend was awesome.

It started with a book signing in Denver, included my attendance at a dominating performance by the Nuggets at Pepsi Center, and ended with a unique opportunity for me to speak about health care reform with my representative for the U.S. House.

FRIDAY: The Sports Guy Meets Chuck

On Friday, Book, Tom and I all went down to Denver for a book signing by our favorite sports columnist, Bill Simmons. His new book, The Book of Basketball, is informative and hilarious. I have already read the book and it is a great read if you are an NBA fan.

His only egregious error was not including Carmelo Anthony in his list of greatest players. Still, the book was awesome and we were excited to meet Mr. Simmons.

Book and I brought our copies of the book, but Tom brought the best item of all. Simmons ranks Alex English the 65th best basketball player of all time. Simmons references the 1980s movie Amazing Grace and Chuck, featuring Nugget great Alex English, and calls it "hauntingly bad."

Well, Tom brought a VHS video of Amazing Grace and Chuck for Simmons to sign and we were all excited about this (we're dorks, I know). Dave then coined the phrase "everything is 70% more awesome when Tom is involved." And it stuck.

We arrived two hours early - OK, this is my fault because I am extremely anal about being early to things. We browsed for awhile and then got in line. We were among the first 20 in line, but had to get through the "bouncer" who we all agreed to be a jerk.

This very large, effeminate man with an Elvis hairdo was not happy we brought books purchased from elsewhere before coming to the signing. He proceeded to tell us how much work it was to put the event together and how "next time you should really consider buying a book here for these events." We live an hour away, the book came out last month and Simmons' website said outside purchases were fine. Big dumb Elvis didn't get the memo.

We discussed the Nuggets, made fun of androgynous Elvis and waited for the event to start. Simmons started by doing a short monologue about Denver sports, set some ground rules and started signing.

He signed "Bring back the Rainbow Jerseys" in my book as I requested. Book asked him to sign "I hate the Lakers too," in a tip-of-the-hat to our Laker-loving buddy Mike. Instead Simmons wrote "Don't worry, we all hate the Lakers." Then Tom asked him to sign his copy of Amazing Grace and Chuck as "Best NBA movie ever." Simmons obliged and then asked Tom "You don't really think that, do you? You know, I killed this movie in my book." Tom replied, "yeah, I know, that's why I asked you to sign it."

Like we all agreed, 70% more awesome. Thanks Tom.

SATURDAY: Melo Goes Hunting

Book and I went to see the Denver Nuggets play the Chicago Bulls at Pepsi Center on Saturday night. The highlight was watching Carmelo Anthony destroy Luol Deng.

I remember watching John Elway play as a Denver Bronco and feeling privileged to enjoy his unique talents. I've been going to a handful of Nugget games a year since Melo came aboard in 2004. Watching his progression has been amazing.

Against Chicago on Saturday, Melo showed a Michael Jordan-like fire. Luol Deng of Chicago dunked on Melo off a rebound. It wasn't exactly a facial, but Melo took it as such.

Melo then proceeded to destroy Luol Deng.

Melo searched him out. Melo about blew a gasket trying to deny Deng the ball on defense (and nearly took Joachim Noah's arm off in response to a pick attempt). He called for isolation on offense. Deng looked terrified and seemed to implore his teammates to help. I remember Deng parked in the corner waiting for a kick-out three and Melo playing off of him, but barking incessantly in Deng's direction.

It got to the point where switching didn't work because Melo would find him. So, with the game slipping away from Chicago, but still winnable, Deng was pulled. Really, it was the right call. Melo was absolutely ravaging him and the Bulls were better off taking Melo's target from him.

The result? Melo went for 30-11-7. Almost a triple-double. More important, he put his stamp on the NBA as one of its alpha dogs.

Melo has a beautiful jumper, can drive with the best of them, rebounds, and even plays inspired D when motivated. Best of all, he can now impose his will. Deng tore the Nuggets apart early, but was a battered, beaten heap by the end of the game. Melo had destroyed his confidence.

The Nuggets won in a romp and the house was rocking.

SUNDAY: Representin'

A week or two ago, I griped to the right ears about the health care reform vote registered by my congressional representative for CD4, Betsy Markey. She voted no, which upset me in a new way because I actually knocked on doors to get her elected. Somehow, that made her vote personal even though the bill passed (by a mere 5 votes). I voted for change, not another cradle-death for health care reform.

So, by an accident of fortuitous griping, I was afforded the opportunity to go to an event last week where she attempted to explain her vote. There were too many people there with too many soapboxes to get my specific questions answered, so I lamented the missed opportunity. I was not satisfied by the answer even though the reasons given were fair. I think I am just tired of kicking the can down the street.

I know that legislation is never perfect out of the box, but I believe that it must get out of the box if any real change is to happen. Legislation can also be fixed along the way.

My inside source, who was kind enough to inform me of the meeting, seemed to care that I get a better explanation. So, he had Ms. Markey call my office personally and invite me to another event scheduled for this Sunday.

I was caught off guard by the call, but I accepted the invite. I lamented missing another opportunity to get my questions answered, but was determined to have my say on Sunday.

Ms. Markey spoke to the crowd and then mingled. I nosed my way to the front and engaged her for a few minutes on the topic. She was very gracious, engaging and attentive. I was sure to let her know that I still supported her so that she would not be alarmed and then asked two very brief and fair questions. She was straight-forward in her response and answered my questions thoughtfully.

We won't always agree with how our representatives vote, but I believe Ms. Markey gives careful deliberation and she convinced me she is looking for real solutions.

I believe we will have the framework in place for long-term healthcare reform. I appreciate that my representative has been so diligent about hearing from her constituents.

It was one heck of a weekend.

Update

2009-11-14T21:10:00.000-08:00

... Basketball season is here. The Nuggets are looking good early and I'm gearing up for the NBA season. I just finished reading The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons to get me all pumped for the season. I enjoyed the book thoroughly. Book and I are going to go to Denver on November 20 to have our books signed by Simmons. It should be fun. The book was very funny and interesting to boot.

... I had the unique opportunity to hear from my representative from congress about her health care vote. The experience just illustrated to me unmistakably that pulling Democrats together is like herding cats. The gathering was fairly small, but I know many people who were disillusioned by the no vote she cast in the recent House vote for health care reform. I could go deep into this topic, but I'll save it for another time. Apparently Democrats require 90% of seats in any legislative body to comfortably pass anything. To say I am frustrated would be an understatement.

... Jacob went trick-or-treating as Handy Manny. We did not like the "insta-costume" available from Disney. It was really bad. So, we just constructed our own concoction to make him into Handy Manny. Construction hat, tool belt, jeans, tools, brown shoes, green shirt, yellow gloves and he was Handy Manny. See pictures below:

My Take on the Government Question

2009-10-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

Break every political argument down in our nation's history and it boils down to one question: What is the proper role of government?

Rarely does one need six degrees of separation to reach this central issue.

Our citizens have argued incessantly about government's role from the beginning via the Federalist Papers, fought a Civil War over the question, and continue to spew ugly rhetoric (again with the socialism label?) over just this one basic issue.

(You care about gay marriage? Well, let me interest you in a vigorous "Defense of Marriage Act" vs. "Full Faith and Credit Clause" debate, which, you guessed it, brings us right back to GO.)

I offer one person's reasoned take on this, our nation's perpetual pebble in the shoe. My short answer is that the people as a whole (although they are loath to admit it) have about the size of government with which they are comfortable. After all, it came from representatives government.

My goals: First, to explain how I see the differences between government and private enterprise. Although they are different, neither is inherently evil, but they both have a vital role to play. Second, to give my take on "the proper role of government."

THE PLAYERS

Both sides boast Nobel winners and celebrated thinkers who advocate each side. Free Marketers point to Milton Friedman as the final voice. New Dealers sing the praises of John Maynard Keynes. Laisse faire vs. New Deal. Roosevelt vs. Reagan. O'Reilly vs. Olbermann. Private business vs. Government regulation. There are plenty of statistics to fuel each side, thus insuring that neither can ever "win" the debate in a measurable sense.

An over-simplification of the two sides can be heard when listening to campaign talk or talk-radio -- that there are those who think government solves all and those who think it solves nothing. I am not sure where the majority stands, but I meet very few who feel government is the exact size it should be. That could be from a love to complain.

Although both sides hold to fallacies that I aim to debunk, only one side (the anti-government types) have chosen to take a no-compromise stance. I consider the strategy to be a feeble attempt to take us back to a time in which we no longer live. It also solves nothing.

THE DIFFERENCE AS I SEE IT

Each part brings its own obstacles, efficiencies and strengths. The difference is in the moral imperative.

Many of the most vocal of a very agitated minority believe in the inherent incompetence of meddling government. National defense excluded, this school of thought essentially demands that government not interfere in anything (or at least a bare minimum). Although I feel safe saying none of them would advocate six-year-old workers in coal mines, their tolerance for government does not raise much further.

There is a feeling that government grew too large over the years and that only blatant attempts to destroy it as an institution will mitigate its further expansion. This assumes also that none of that expansion was necessary to accommodate the many changes inherent in technological advancements, population increase and any other change over the past two centuries.

(I would go into the Commerce Clause, its overuse and the resulting backlash against it, but I want a few people to finish reading this post).

The fallacy is that private enterprise is always preferable. Absolutist arguments really amount to casuistry, so I won't dwell on it.

My take is that the market is amoral. It is not immoral. It is also not moral. It is profit-driven, and, as a result, has allowed our economy to soar. The market is also absolutely not the hand of God - especially considering that the invisible hand likes to dunk us in the mud if left unchecked (see 1929-1938). The fact it can be mitigated at all undermines arguments of divine tampering.

But, although the drive for profit leads to some efficiency advantages and wonderful economic prosperity, the market is less capable of taking morality-driven initiatives and is prone to booms and busts.

This is why the health care debate has been labeled as a moral imperative by supporters of reform. Incentive for profit has absolutely led to higher rates of denials and searches for pre-existing conditions by insurance carriers.

As usual, when there is a hole unfilled by private business that leads to moral outrage, the government attempts to fill the gap without profit. The government acts for the betterment of customers deemed "unprofitable." We do not do this to make a profit, but because it is moral. It must be done with fiscal responsibilty, but it must be done. And, sometimes, that means a tax increase.

Allow me to reiterate that I do not believe private industry has no role to play or that it is anything less than crucial to our system. But it would be foolish to expect the market to account for morality. Government agencies foot the bill to save victims of hurricanes because no money can be made to offer that service privately. (Excuse me sir, but we just saved your family and helicopters aren't cheap... so where do I send the bill?). Still, tea-bag loving folks burn FEMA in effigy. (I am unsure how many of them live in hurricane hot-spots).

The fact that many will point to FEMA's failures as a hole in the argument simply drives home the point that agency heads must believe their departments are important and believe in the role that agency plays. Katrina was, in my view, an example of what happens when people who do not believe in the legitimacy of government or believe it to be inherently meddlesome RUN a government or agency. (Brownie, you did a hell of a job).

SIZE DOES MATTER

Perceived government inefficiency, and that of large private industry, can be attributed to size. Government is further hampered by legislative restrictions simply because moral imperatives come with strings and compromises. I get that. And, in some areas, government is less efficient. That is absolutely true.

Inefficiency is also a product of size. Ideological free marketers too often omit that very large private industries (insurance companies, for example) are every bit as inefficient as a government agency. Anyone who has had to contest a denied claim can attest to that. The idea that "government paperwork" will gum up the works is laughable in light of all the various forms currently needed. At lease government forms will be uniform.

The reason for inefficiency in government and large companies? People run both. The only way to run a big operation is by layering, bureaucracy, committees, etc. That will happen to any very large entity regardless of its status as private or public.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The debate is not helped by anyone who feels the government can never be a part of a solution. The debate is not helped by anyone who feels only complete government takeover will solve either. However, there is ample support for a public "option," which is a compromise. Democrats have pushed a rational solution to preserve private enterprise in health insurance while plugging the holes it has created. The opposition only offers an argument that nothing tainted with government stink can ever work.

So, what is the proper role of government? It's whatever needs to be done to make a profitable system honest and compassionate within the tolerance of the population. In the case of health care, government intervention is long overdue. And the argument that "government is not good at anything" is short on substance.

I know I will never convince the "ideologically certain" who may read this. However, it makes sense to me. I am inherently suspicious of "absolutist" arguments and that is what the tea-baggers bring.

In the meantime, real solutions with all options on the table are being considered. And that makes me happy.

Cognitive Biases

2009-10-11T20:49:00.001-07:00

INTRO

A few posts ago I referenced cognitive biases. I have been very interested in this area of study lately, and I can't get enough of it. Specifically, I am interested in how cognitive biases influence how we all see the world.

One of the most important life lesson I ever had was from Benjamin Franklin's autobiography. That book showed me that we have control of our enlightenment and the elasticity of our growth depends upon our willingness to confront our biases and be willing to change.

I understand paradigms to be the maps with which we view the world. That map changes all the time as our experiences within the world change. Our biases function as limitations to that map of the world. A bias against a particular idea creates resistance against any lesson or experience that may lead to a new or adjusted "life map" that would tolerate that idea. Thus, the map retains that limitation and remains narrow.

Every single person has biases of various forms. My goal for diving into this subject is twofold: 1) I want to learn about bias in an effort to overcome as many biases as possible to create as open and diverse a "life paradigm" as I can; and 2) I want to use natural biases within characters to create a story (eventually book?) that makes the reader truly and deeply understand the paradigm of each character.

BASIC IDEA

Cognitive biases are deviations of judgment that lead to rationalization, and may or may not be illogical. Cognitive dissonance is the uncomfortable feeling of holding two contradictory ideas, and it leads to rationalization. In short, we are confronted with an inconsistency, which makes us uncomfortable, and we rationalize to create harmony. Our biases can sometimes blind us to the irrationality of a justification. At least that's my understanding.

The pattern I notice in my daily life has left me with the impression that cognitive biases drive much of our interactions with each other. The story I hear usually proceeds as follows: Person X is evil, manipulative, a liar, and is attempting to get away with unspeakable wrongs.

My experience is that, although no intentional lies are being told, those harsh judgments are almost never correct. Why? One bias or another creates a block to perception (the life map isn't moving as to that topic). The classic case is in the area of inheritance. Siblings are quick to accuse each other of robbing parents blind or not caring for that parent's well-being. Almost always, the answer is that both parties misjudged the intentions of the other. Why? Cognitive biases seem to explain most scenarios.

Most cognitive biases are more subtle and simply guide our perception of everyday interactions. And, not all biases are things to necessarily eliminate.

SPECIFIC BIASES

The specific cognitive biases that jumped out at me most are the following:

Anchoring: Disproportionate weight given to the first piece of information received. ("Bob missed one opportunity to help mom, and no amount of generosity or kindness can make up for it.")

Outcome Bias: The tendency to judge a decision by its eventual outcome instead of by the soundness of the decision at the time it was made.

Semmelweis Reflex: The tendency to reject new evidence that contradicts an established paradigm. (Politics, anyone?)

Irrational escalation: The tendency to make irrational decision based upon rational decisions of the past (even if inapplicable) or to justify actions already taken.

Confirmation bias: Tendency to search for or interpret information in a way that confirms preconceptions. (Again... politics).

Bandwagon Effect: The tendency to allow group consensus to influence personal decisions.

I am sure every single one of these sounds familiar to anyone reading this. That's because we all have biases.

FRANKLIN

The difference (and this I take from Franklin) is how we deal with biases. Some cement those biases into place and never move them, question them or second-guess. For anyone willing to take hold of those biases, however, those biases can be mitigated. (Mitigated, not eliminated).

Franklin distinguished between biases and pillars of morality, and I want to be clear that attempts to mitigate biases does not mean anyone should alter morals necessarily. Morality questions should always be examined, but pillars such as honesty and integrity are parts of our life map that remain unmoved during "paradigm updates."

Often, biases are most visible from outside when a person is faced with defending a possible mistake. All of that person's cognitive function will focus on justification for the sake of defense. It's natural and inevitable. We will leave out the bad and emphasize the good. It happens. It just does.

In my story, I plan to create a character who who used a specific logic to success many times in the past. That same decision-process will then be utilized to failure at a crucial moment. The subsequent rationalization will ignore the inapplicability of the logic that led to past success.

NOBEL-WORTHY EXAMPLE

Perhaps the most blatant surrender to bias comes in politics. Take, for example, the recent Nobel Peace Prize awarded to Barack Obama. Tell me if any of these arguments sound familiar:

1) This award is bogus because he hasn't done anything to deserve it! Euros are liberal and they prop up other liberals like Al Gore.

2) This is just sour-grapes by the far-right and a baseless slap at the President. It was well deserved and to argue otherwise is just politics.

3) He just got it for not being George W. Bush. (not as partisan, but seems to me to be equally biased... possibly toward scepticism. This option is also just funny.)

Number one shows an inability to give credit and seems to freely and loosely embrace a convenient world-wide conspiracy when much more rational and believable arguments can be made. It also shows no willingness to ever be happy for any success of the Obama administration. Number two dismisses the legitimate questions NOT raised by number one. Number two conveniently leaves out the genuine confusion many people felt at the outcome... especially since Mr. Obama is currently making a decision regarding troop levels. Number three, as explained earlier, makes me laugh because I have a deep-seeded bias against W and take pleasure in occasionally indulging in it. I have a bias, sue me.

In all seriousness, politics provide such stark examples because it is an exercise in outrage and exaggeration. My bias would be to defend President Obama, but when I force myself to even it out (as best I can), I came up with this mitigated version of my bias:

This award did seem out of the blue. I think it is a very good thing that the world considers our leader to be a force for peace, whether earned or not. I think this could prove to be a booster to the "cult of Obama" argument. I do think President Obama has changed our tone to the world in favor of cooperation. I also do not think he has accomplished anything specific that led to an actual cessation of violence or a measurable increase in peace.

I was tempted to say that both sides failed to consider that the other side's beliefs are genuinely felt. However, upon consideration of biases, they may just be stubbornly held.

IN THE END

As I stated in my 2007 post, "Examined Life," efforts to improve matter. But, I now think equal effort should be made to understand each other. That's what I've been trying to do lately. That, and to write a good story.

Random thoughts

2009-10-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

... I recently finished Fyodore Dostoevsky's classic novel Crime and Punishment. It's a great read and I recommend it to anyone. Unlike most authors today, Dostoevsky really dives deep into the psyche of his characters. It has been a real education for my current short story project.

Although I enjoyed reading the book, older styles (and translated works especially) can make for some difficult reads. I probably spent five times as long reading this book as any others this year.

Still, the story was brilliant, the ending simple but meaningful and the characters were deeply thought-out.

I will be reading Brothers Karamosov before the end of the year. Some have called that book the greatest novel ever written. It's sub chapter titled "The Great Inquisitor" is famous, although I only know that it involves the Spanish Inquisition and Jesus.

I am most interested in how the book deals with the different paradigms of five characters who experience the same event. Dostoevsky's writing can be an acquired taste, but his characters are brilliant for their depth. I plan on taking some time to learn from the master while preparing my own story.

... I am currently reading The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, or as I've come to call it "Angels and Da Vinci Lose a Symbol." I enjoy the book because it's like watching a movie, it's fast-paced and it is interesting, but it's really the same formula without much change from his previous books. I guess the ending will tell for sure, but right now, I've seen this movie before. Most important, this book was a must-read after slogging through Crime and Punishment.

... The Denver Broncos are 4-0 and, God help me, I don't know if they are any good or not. The offense is horrible, but the D is really good. They are trying to reel me in, but I remain sceptical until I'm sure they aren't just setting me up for a stomach punch.

... It's too bad college football was cancelled this year. It would have been nice to watch CU and UVA try to make runs at the Big 12 and ACC. (THE WHOLE SEASON WAS CANCELLED!!!! I'M ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE!!! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?)

... I've been listening to a lot of the Beatles lately. I can't say why... I just do this from time to time. I've been watching a lot of youtube clips. Fun stuff. I think it started when I read a Rolling Stone article of why they broke up and that spiraled into fascination with the older days when they were on top of the pop world.

In fact, here's a great old clip from their last live performance as a group.

Clutter

2009-09-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

My line of work allows me to see how much crap the average person accumulates in a lifetime. In many cases, even just accumulation over a shorter time can be staggering. It is often my job to dispose of that accumulation and that duty has hardened me as to such "items."

Needless to say, I now look at my basement and my garage differently. This past weekend I attacked the garage and, as a result, it's much more spacious now. That same weekend Jen and I donated 87 books to the library. 87! How many were I going to read again? Probably none.

I am now on a mission to get rid of everything I can spare. We should all remember that things are just things. Memories matter. Absent memories, things become trash. Take it from someone who facilitates the disposal of things that inspired memories for people who are now gone. Ultimately, it's all just trash. It's merely a function of time.

Although I realize much of the personal property accumulated by people has some special meaning, a simple test should determine whether or not something merits preservation. The test I am attempting to apply is this:

1) Have I searched for it during the past year?
2) If I keep it, do I imagine I will search for it again in the next year?
3) Does it have "special" sentimental value? (merely sentimental is insufficient).

I have had to struggle with some belongings just as anyone would. Items that belonged to my father, items that bring back memories and or were gifts from the departed have been difficult to toss. I am even trying to justify holding on to my father's car. It is a hockey puck on the ice, old, temperamental and expensive to maintain. If it wouldn't cause a riot in the family, I would probably sell it. (I may do just that anyway).

The short of it is that, even though it was my father's car, it is just a car. I remember riding in it to UVA games as a kid. I remember being taken to middle school in the morning and enduring the cold air in lieu of a working defrost. I remember riding in the hatchback all the way to DC.

But, do I need to keep the car to keep those memories? There is only one answer, and it is simply "No."

My biggest weakness has been an unwillingness to throw away anything related to school. In 20 years of school, I have accumulated a small mountain of notes. I have finally taken the step to get rid of it all. I had schoolwork from elementary school, high school, college, law school and the bar exam preparation. Some of those papers remain in my mother's home. Well, it's all going away. Why? Simple: I will never reference those again. I even finally recycled all the cases I printed to research my law review comment.

Much like memories from "things," the notes became a part of me and preservation of the physical manifestation of my education is ultimately meaningless. In fact it could become some vain attempt to preserve or display the work that was done. Trust me, this was not an easy decision for me. Those boxes might as well be filled with a lifetime of blood, sweat and tears.

I do not think I will finish my project for many, many months, but I am determined to keep working at it, room by room and box by box.

In a world where too much plastic seeps into the population by the minute; where not a month goes by without some form of holiday or celebration; and where we are all prone to pack-ratish behavior, I am ready to push back against the tide.

I have not yet missed one thing donated or thrown away and I do not imagine it will happen. It is actually a liberating feeling.

So, ultimately, preservation of a shirt simply because it was purchased for me by my father years ago does little to further his legacy of generosity when it could just as easily clothe someone who truly needs it.

I guess it's time to donate that Tony Gwynn shirt he bought me that I never wore.

Update

2009-09-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

... Jacob Year 3 video is being burned to DVDs as I type. I'd like to give a special thanks to Tom for his excellent editing. It really looks professional and came out as a very high quality product. For all who view the videos, this version will have much better cuts, shorter clips, great music and a lot of clever montages. We owe Tommy a big thanks.

... Jacob is doing really well in school and the class is getting back up to full capacity. Many of his friends are back in school from the summer break. He's been very cheerful lately and a joy around the house.

... I have been really thinking through the short story I have developed. I have really been researching effective character development as well as useful tools for making that character resonate with a reader. For one, I am reading Fyodore Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, which places the reader into the mind of a person brilliantly. But, my most inspirational enlightenment came from an otherwise mundane class.

I was at a CLE program when I learned the name for my conceptual goal. That is "cognitive bias." I always discuss paradigms and a large part of my story is perception and perspective. So, I have researched cognitive biases and have picked some to apply to my characters.

A judge actually told a story that illustrated cognitive bias. She discussed how two people can perceive the same events very differently without lying. The axiom that "someone must be lying," therefore, is rarely correct. Instead, the lenses through which we see events are tainted by these biases (whether conscious or unconscious).

I try not to have a "post-modern" or "morality is in the eye of the beholder" perspective, but cognitive bias is very real and it colors everything. I see it in my line of work all the time. I will be exploring this in depth in my story and will probably concentrate most of my writing on that in the coming weeks.

... The Broncos will have a terrible season and every college team I usually follow (CU and UVA) both look to have rough seasons. Therefore, for a one-year trial, the guys and I have decided to adopt a team to save the football season. We will be rooting for the Cal Bears this year. I'm all in! George Carlin once put sports into perspective by saying "you don't leave an opera angry, and the same should apply to sports." I'll still follow my teams, but I'm in on Cal so I can taste a good season. It'll make the otherwise crappy taste of multiple bad seasons go down a little more smoothly.

Health Care Debate

2009-08-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

What about this campaign sign says "Status Quo" to you?

Health care reform. It's coming. It's needed. It's time.

Unfortunately the rhetoric and anger has managed to steal the spotlight, as usual. We must be discussing an issue of importance because the usual words are flying around. "Socialist" has made its triumphant return. *Sigh*.

Somehow, in a stroke of unspeakable ignorance, some have managed to convince themselves that the reform will lead to "death panels." Again, *sigh*.

The torches and pitchforks are ready for deployment.

Distraction and ignorance aside, I think this is a crucial issue. I also think that the people of this county have already decided to change our current system. My reading of the extreme opposition is that there is an attempt to restart the debate about whether or not reform should happen at all.

That debate has been decided. To paraphrase the White House spokesman when addressing criticism by Dick Cheney, "the American people debated the issue... it happened in November... we even kept score. We won."

Therefore, the legitimate question is how health care should be reformed. It's a legitimate debate. There is room for discussion, and the details should be hashed out. It's a big decision.

Shouting does not accomplish that.

However, the shouting has reached such a pitch that the hand has officially been overplayed. The party of "the silent majority" and "love it or leave it" has not taken well to being the vocal minority.

I support the proposed plan for a variety of reasons. First, it is very consistent with the message given on the campaign trail. I feel like President Obama is trying to fulfill one of the promises that led to his election. I'm getting what I voted for. Woot!

Second, it makes sense and addresses key specifics. It's not perfect, but its an improvement. After all, politics is the art of the possible. Single-payer won't pass and the status quo is not an option. Despite the charges of socialism, this is another middle-ground proposal by Obama. Again, this is what I voted for.

I like the idea of ridding the world of pre-existing conditions. I like having an affordable option so we won't have 47 million uninsured people (which makes everything more expensive). I like the streamlining of paperwork and the introduction of efficient technology to help cut costs. Standardizing forms should mean less manpower needed to deal with the vast array of forms and procedures that come from each different company.

In spite of the overwhelming news coverage, I have heard some well-reasoned arguments in favor of a different structure for reform. What I have not heard is a legitimate argument to change nothing. Those arguments are being made (you can see them on the news, complete with bulging neck veins).

I have had some discussions with some people about this issue. I am always open to political discussion so long as its reasonable and courteous. I've actually had a few good experiences.

Sometimes the discussion is a one-sentence statement refuting the notion that everyone will be required to have government health care. The most rewarding involved a young person who promised to look into the issue for himself after initially springing the "socialism" cop-out.

I don't care if people disagree with the proposed plan. I just ask that everyone research the specifics so we can strain out the nonsense (seriously, there will not be death panels). I am amazed at how dearly held some of the most outrageous rumors can be (no, we will not be condemning everyone over 74 to death... just not going to happen).

Thank you Internet for transferring crazy further and deeper than any printing press could.

Also, bring a proposal to the discussion. It's easy to be against something, so I will be looking for proposed solutions that work. How will the private market create coverage for 47 million uninsured? How will those with diseases get coverage? There isn't one way to do it, but the proposal must address those issues.

I am happy to have the discussion. I love it. I'm excited that this is (probably) going to happen this year. It's just that I refuse to discuss whether or not change should happen at all. That's not what 60 million Americans voted for.

More Music

2009-08-03T17:49:00.000-07:00

I've decided to explore some music performances to supplement my music post from before.

Lately I've enjoyed searching Youtube for interesting music performances that I either remember or had heard about.

First up is this Michael Jackson clip. I remain fascinated by how popular Michael Jackson was during life and how that popularity has inexplicably increased after death. No one in the public eye has ever remained an icon despite charges of sexual abuse of children. No politician, no celebrity, no athlete. No one except Michael Jackson has survived even an allegation of that particular offense. Without comment toward his guilt or innocence, it's just amazing that the accusation didn't ruin his popularity.

I actually remember when MJ was on top of the world. I remember when Beat It was released on video and how that sent shockwaves through the schoolyard. I remember dad showing us his recording of the video for Billie Jean. So, I actually remember when he ruled pop culture above everyone else. Just look at the people in the audience during this clip and you will see it.

No amount of plastic surgery, no allegation and no weird behavior could stand up to the love fans seemed to feel for him (which is just intesting to me). And, he could sure dance.

(As a side note, check out old interviews on Youtube with Michael Jackson and you will see that even in his Thriller days he was "eccentric" and showed the beginnings of a life as a strange recluse. For some reason his story fascinates me).

I remember hearing Fleetwood Mac a lot growing up. I even remember working for a newspaper and noticing how often I typed Rhiannon when entering the accomplishments of local children. The band made its mark on a generation.

... All I have to say is Jimi.

KISS, shown in a trippy live performance on some Halloween special back in the day.

DMB doing Cortez the Killer with Warren Hayes. I love the guitar work in this song. It's long, but I loved every minute.

Good beat with this one from across the pond. Great to dance to even if its a bit dark.

I just love this mix. It's Jay-Z, Eminem, 50-cent, Linkin Park and Dr. Dre all mixed together. I've been really getting into mixed music lately.

I think that covers just about every genre that would be on youtube. Everything but Country, but I hate Country music and its my list.

Text Madness

2009-07-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

I don't get texting, I just don't. I especially don't get texting while driving, but that's another story altogether. I get cell phones. I just don't get texting.

Maybe I'm just shaking my cane right now, but I don't see the use. I get the purported benefits; short, quick instant messages. "I'm on my way." "Movie starts at 7." "Just drove by your house and it's on fire." (more accurately: "drv by u house, it n fr"). Such things can be more easily just said. Or, and I know this is old fashioned, one could just show up at a predetermined time.

I use instant-message online all the time, but it feels like talking and I'm at the computer reading while doing so, so it seems to fit. Much like taking a cell phone call, I am locked in with IM. Also, I don't have to use abbreviations to communicate.

I also use my cell phone a lot. It's great. It provides all the convenience a person could need. I call, and receive calls, from anywhere. Huzzah!

Do people text because of the ease alone? Do people text because they can't handle just being alone and quiet? Or do we do it because its just there? For all the benefits of speed and instant, short communication, those legitimate functions seem to have become secondary.

For example, I heard of a teenager who texted more than 1,000 times in a month. I've even heard that such a number has even become common for many people. Of the more-than 30 messages per day it would take to reach 1,000 in a month, most of those would have to be conversational, right?

So, if you text to converse, why not just talk? Judging by how many people will text at the dinner table, text in line or interrupt a conversation to answer a text, either the text or the incoming texter would seem to be preferred. Either way, it pushes us further away from face-to-face interactions.

It was even suggested that Jay Cutler was able to hide behind texting to avoid looking his coach in the eye without his agent there to run a screen. Whether texting actually encourages people to avoid eye contact is to be determined, but it definitely encourages more bold communication and, I believe, a much higher incidence of miscommunication.

Texting also can be maddeningly inefficient.

I received an inquiry about our car for sale via text asking if the car was for sale. I answered "yes." I then received a text asking if he could see it sometime this week. So... I ended the pointless charade and called him and set up a time in about 10 seconds. The texting back and forth took much longer. At that point, texting is not quicker, or more efficient. In fact, I got so tired of the text game I just called and got the matter settled in a snap. How's that for advanced technology?

Finally (and this is where my cane gets out of control), I have read that text language (like "ur" and "plz" etc.) has found its way into school assignments produced by students. I realize that languages are literally alive and that they never stop changing. I also realize that grammar sometimes changes over generations. But, I also don't want someone to find this blog from a cyber-archeology dig and consider it a relic of a language now lost. Imagine that: "These words, they are so inefficiently long! And what are all those symbols? Could they serve any purpose?" (more likely: ths wrds r so crzy lng! symbls? y?).

I spent a lot of time (and money) learning how to make a sentence sound like a voice in your head with those crazy symbols, so, for selfish reasons, I don't want our language to change. At least not until I'm dead. Which has a much higher chance of happening since I keep seeing drivers staring at their laps on the road.

Update and Pictures

2009-07-14T22:07:00.001-07:00

Update:

... I have finally developed the skeleton structure of a short story idea. I am cultivating it and working through the story, but I have a ways to go before its finished. At least now I know exactly where it's going. I will enjoy doing this. I have wanted to get kick started on developing some sort of a book, and this is a start. I am really psyched about the story I have developed and look forward to developing it. I may post it here in pieces (it will be long). I have even started looking into how to publish and have found a lot of useful ideas. If you know me at all, you probably guessed that it will focus on paradigm shifts. I may even try a rough draft or two on the blog for any comments. You know, for all you crickets out there to read and comment upon.

... Anyone interested in a 1996 Mustang, give us a call. We have one for sale.

... I've been screaming through books on the Kindle. Just finished number 18 on the year. At least I'm on the final Malcolm Gladwell book. Those books are phenomenal and if I discover another, then my pace will only quicken. Anyone who reads his three books (Tipping Point, Blink and Outliers) will have quite a study in human nature. I actually feel like he has taught me something useful about how we all function. This is the kind of information that can lead to actual change in life for the better and deep understanding of people and how to intensify and deepen interaction. I cannot recommend them any higher.

... Jen and I took vacation last week. We took Jacob to the Aquarium on Monday, to BOUNCE! on Tuesday and then kept him in school the rest of the week. We relaxed, but did not do any traveling beyond Denver. The break was needed, but we are both feeling refreshed.

PICTURES:

Jacob after eating rasberries from Jen's garden.

My Jen:

Jacob stained with rasberry juice:

Caught in the act:

This guy hits the nail on the head

2009-07-13T18:34:00.001-07:00

Weekend Pictures

2009-06-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend we took Jacob to a local water park and celebrated our 10th Anniversary. It was a wonderful weekend filled with wonderful weather. Here are some pics.

A good Father's Day

2009-06-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

"I love you daddy."

- Jacob L. Findley

"I had fun at the water park. And I got clean!"

- Also from Jacob.

I woke up this morning to the wonderful aroma of pancakes. Jen took care of me well on Father's Day.

I then awoke Jacob by giving him a back rub. The day started off with a bang. Specifically, it started with buckwheat pancakes with blueberries in them. Although I had planned a quiet Father's Day reading and relaxing, the day was simply too beautiful to stay home.

So, we went to a new park in town that features new and uniquely-designed playground equipment and a little water park play area. We had a blast watching Jacob play. We had to roll his pant legs up so he could run through the water, but that didn't stop him from pulling his pants up as he ran.

Jacob ate his lunch at the park and kept going back in for more water fun. We walked on a path around the park together talking.

Our pancake breakfast made lunch a late affair, so we decided to just have a very early dinner. Out of the blue I decided to take Jen to Nordy's for some amazing BBQ. Nordy's is famous for its great BBQ buffet, but I understood that to only be on weekdays. Apparently, a Father's Day special meant we were in business. It was 2:15 when we arrived. Buffet ended at 3. Score!

After a great dinner, we took another walk at Centera and Jacob again found a water spray. A quick stop to run errands later, we were back home for the relaxation we all needed.

On the way home, we passed a fire engine, and Jacob was captivated as we drove along side it. He waved vigorously to the driver and received a wave back. You forget sometimes just how thrilling a fire truck can be until you have a three-year-old smiling from ear to ear at the sight of one.

At home, Jacob wound down with some Blue's Clues (a show he is now completely crazy for) and I got my relaxation by sitting with him and reading.

The only downside was when I decided to go for a jog, which inspired my knee to fall off the wagon and start swelling again.

We put a very happy Jacob to bed and now I'm finishing up some laundry.

It was a great time. I wasn't sure how this Father's Day would go so soon after the five-year anniversary of my father's passing, but I can say happily that Jacob has once again rescued Father's Day for me. He had a lot of help from Jen, and the two of them treated me to a wonderful Father's Day.

A special thank you goes out to both of them.

5 long years

2009-06-15T16:58:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and remembered something.

It's hard to believe, but I almost forgot that tomorrow, June 16, marks the 5th anniversary of my father's passing. Father's Day must be around the corner. That'll mess up a day.

The fact that years 2-4 were pretty inconsequential and fairly easy to handle apparently lulled me to sleep. Being a father myself, the last three seemed to free me from the Father's Day doldrums. I'm not sure what it is about denominations of 5 and 10 that make our brains overcompensate, but it hit me like a ton of bricks today.

For some reason our brains process permanence on scales of five. Anyone knows that the march of time can be cruel and that it's always relentless, but we seem to only recognize that every five years. Who knows, maybe it's because that's how many fingers we have on each hand.

Today is as good a day as any to meander through my thoughts five years later. For one thing, so much has happened, so much has changed. I'm not even sure he would know me all that well anymore. So I thought it might be interesting to touch on the highlights of the last five years.

I was 28 when dad died. That's not a denomination of 5. But it is approximately the age of my dad when this picture was taken.
------------------------------------>

(That's me in his arms)

First and foremost is that dad missed out on Jacob. Dad never pushed me to have children even though he knew exactly how little time he had left. He neither shared that knowledge nor pressed me to hurry up with the grand kids to selfish ends. Indeed, he was the one who counseled patience.

I'm sure he'd be happy that Jen and I waited and would tip his hat to his only grandson.

He missed my most recent graduation in 2005. I think he would have really liked to have attended that one. It was a fun time and I think he would have considered it noteworthy. It really is too bad that he missed it considering how much he emphasized school to me. I know it was important to him.

He would have wanted to help me write my law review comment more than anything. He would have probably driven me nuts trying to tinker with wordings and concepts. And, he would have understood the topic better than I could by the time it was finished. In the end, his roving expertise would have helped make it better.

I know he would be happy that we found our way back home after graduation. He might even try to spoil Jacob.

It's impossible to predict how he would feel about things as they are today. After all, I can't even be sure everything would be the same. For example, I was inspired to work in my specific field because of the experience I had trying to tie up my the loose ends after his death. Without that change in my life, who knows what I'd be doing.

Still, as the combination of Father's Day and the big fifth anniversary collide, it gives comfort to think about how he would react to the world as it is. I don't get caught up in the notion of loved ones peering down from above. I neither believe nor disbelieve such notions. I just like to think about having him stop by for a visit. We would have so much to talk about.

It isn't just the updating of information, but the recognition and joy I imagine he would display as I told him story after story. We would talk about great albums of the past five years, movies he would have loved, jokes told and everything in between.

I know every single person dies. I know I am no victim. But, it's been five years, so apparently it is acceptable for me to grieve.

33 and content

2009-06-08T22:44:00.000-07:00

I turned 33 on Saturday.

June's a big month for me every year, but this year is bigger than most. Birthday, Father's Day, and my 10th Anniversary all happen this month. Throw in our annual trip to the zoo with Jacob, the fifth anniversary of my father's passing, the annual family picnic and the beginning of Jen's new status as a commuter to work and it's going to be one heck of a month.

As if any of us need yet another reason for introspection in a year, birthdays have a way of giving a boost to New Year's resolutions. Well, at least mine does. It happens right in the middle of the year.

Aging doesn't bother me. At least, not yet. But, my semi-annual sharpening of the saw sometimes reveals certain gaps and changes. These gaps are not bad things, but curious nonetheless. We are all our own study subject in life.

I am not on top of the music scene at all anymore. I carry a dinosaur of a cell phone and have no desire to carry one that allows Internet connection. I like the convenience, but fear the leash. I no longer know anything about pop culture outside of the very select few programs I watch - usually at the behest of others, and often to satisfaction. Our household is behind most others mainly because of our choice to forgo cable television or any other regular programing.

I do miss all the movies I would otherwise be sure to see, but I read a lot more books, so I can live with it. Besides, I make sure to see all the movies I really want to see. No harm, no foul, I guess. Heck, looks like a win.

Increasingly, our world seems more and more connected through such media. Although I consider that to be neither positive nor negative, it is simply interesting to me. I do not necessarily mourn my loss of connection to the most commonly-shared media of our culture. But it does provide a unique paradigm.

Still, it is important to keep a toe in the pool so as to avoid becoming too out of touch or, God forbid, boring. I am trying to walk the line between connected (I now read my books electronically via my Kindle) and oblivious (I don't text... and I wish no one would while driving).

If I could pinpoint some positives of aging, the list would include the ability to slowly and deliberately disconnect from old patterns and explore new ones. And old patters are usually the inspiration for change. I just don't think "new" always involves "advancements" (such as with technology). Backward movement, in life as in cell phone usage, can create a "new" peace. As long as it's new to me, I guess. "New" in that sense would mean less connectivity. I can live with that if balanced.

Thus, my proposed changes came to mind, and now will be memorialized for accountability's sake.

I'm hoping to accomplish as much of the following as possible:

-- Read to Jacob at least once per day.
-- Get back to taking vitamins every day.
-- Exercise more (what would a list be without it?).
-- Eat better (ditto here).
-- Intensify focus.
-- Drop the casual cursing (amazing how easy it is to slip in front of the little guy).
-- Walk with my family every evening after work (weather permitting).
-- Do not begin evening media routines until after the walk or reading session.
-- Get back to regular family visits (easier after the worst flu season we've had here).
-- Listen to and enjoy music more.

Honestly, there isn't much I really want to change right now. I'm still going to try, however, because it's a good habit. Sometimes you need to inspect just to discover that you are indeed happy. There are no guarantees in life, so I guess I'll add "appreciate the good times" to my list.

Update

2009-06-07T13:05:00.000-07:00

... I had my 33rd birthday yesterday. Good times. Went out with the guys on Friday, family picnic Saturday afternoon, more hanging out on Saturday evening. All this is followed by a completely relaxing Sunday.

... My birthday/father's day/anniversary gift was a Kindle 2. I am addicted to it already. I can read books faster with it and will now be able to read whatever book I feel like wherever I may be. Good times.

... I am slowing starting to work on Jacob year 3 vid. Kindle 2 has taken away much of my motivation for anything else, though, so we'll see how this goes.

... I am plowing through the Battlestar Galactica series on DVD. Great show. I can't stop watching episodes.

... I am very pleased that Summer is finally upon us. I love Summer and had grown tired of the Winter.

... Many ideas for posts have been coming into my head, but none have been sufficiently focued to actually sit down and write.

Hoops

2009-05-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

I'm loving the NBA playoffs this year. Deep down, I'm a basketball junkie, and the Denver Nuggets have me absolutely buzzing these days. The current playoff run also gave me occasion to remember when basketball reminded me who I am.

I've been a big fan of the NBA for as long as I can remember, and I've always loved to play. Because I grew up in Virginia, I rarely got to see the Nuggets play. I did make sure to watch them on TV when they played the Washington Bullets, but that happened only once or twice a year. It seems like ages ago, but there was a time when fans couldn't just pick a game to watch. We actually were slaves to the TV schedule.

The Nuggets weren't very good and almost never on TV, so, to get my NBA fix, I watched the only team you couldn't miss on a given weekend: The Chicago Bulls. I remember watching Michael Jordan take over the league. Those Bulls teams were my favorite teams ever. I could watch youtube clips of Jordan embarrassing the league for hours. In fact, I have already done that many times.

But, this year is quickly becoming my favorite basketball season of all time.

I remember playing basketball for hours until it was just too dark to see the ball anymore. I remember playing entire summer days and bringing ice chests to keep us cool in the humid Virginia sun. I miss those days so much sometimes.

I also remember leaving basketball for awhile and dabbling in some dumb things. I tried smoking a few times and was caught so red handed it was pathetic. I even answered "breath mints" when asked what that smell was. I think I had the most pathetic rebellion in the history of mankind.

New "friends" came along and it took me a little too long to realize they didn't have my interests in mind. My very pathetic mini-rebellion led me to dabble in some curiosities. Mostly, that included parent-upsetting bands and their video cassettes. One specific video featured a rather disturbing stage performance. Out of the blue, and completely out of character, my dad decided to screen one of the videos. It was mostly for show, but the scenes bothered him enough that he insisted I take it back.

The rub was that I got to choose what to replace it with, but it had to be something acceptable to dad. I picked NBA's Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers. I was bitter at the time, but ended up wearing that tape out. It featured footage from each dunk contest to that point and I watched it more time than I care to admit.

Somehow, over an indeterminable time, I was reminded who I was and what I needed to do. During that time, the "friends" (short lived friends as they may have been) faded away. My association with them was a forced-fit anyway.

I reunited with true friends and met them in the most fitting place: on the blacktop. Much of the rest of my youth was spent playing basketball.

Moving to Colorado meant another new start and good-bye to all those great hoop friends, but this time I stayed on track. I even started hanging out with the Fuzz by playing locker hoops H-O-R-S-E during lunch in high school.

Just in time, the Nuggets got good and shocked the NBA world in 1994 by winning in the first round and nearly making the Western Conference Finals. I even fretted about missing a playoff game to graduate from high school. I rooted for the Nuggets and Bulls and NBA life was good.

I lost track of the NBA again in 1999 after Michael Jordan retired for good (he never came back or played for any other teams... I know it didn't happen... LA LA LA LA LA). I caught the occasional Nuggets game, but really came back to the NBA when the Nuggets drafted Carmelo Anthony in 2003. Ever since then, the guys and I have been loyal and regular attendees at the Pepsi Center.

Now, as I watch the Denver Nuggets this year, I finally know what it's like to truly experience the NBA playoffs. It's better than all those Bulls titles because its finally my true hometown team. I watched Chicago out of respect for the rare quality, but I've watched this team grow and I'm loving the ride.

Even if the Nuggets don't win it all, this has been a joyous ride, and more fun than any previous season. Chicago's six titles seemed like foregone conclusions, but this time there is real drama and anticipation. The team even traded for Chauncey Billups, who I used to cover while a student journalist during his dominating tenure at CU.

Really, it couldn't get any better. I smell a running diary on the horizon.

NBA PLAYOFF FEVER

New Pics

2009-05-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

Nuggets Playoff Fever.

Jacob fell asleep on me both Friday and Saturday night.

Showing off his new Nuggets hat. Jacob picked it out.

Helping clean his table.

Death Penalty Thoughts

2009-04-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

I have been reading about a brewing national discussion about the death penalty. I am sure the penalty is here to stay, but this topic will always crop up for debate.

I've always held a pretty strong position against the death penalty. I figure now is as good a time as any to explain why.

Three considerations led me to my position. First, I do not feel that anything is accomplished by the killing of a person and do not believe it deters as proponents say. Second, it is abundantly clear today, with the help of DNA evidence, that many innocent people have been executed. Finally, because I do not believe that intentional killing is morally right out of vengeance, I do not consent to it being done in my name (via representative government).

While in law school, we heard a speech by a man who was on death row for 17 years before he was exonerated by his final available appeal. He now tours the nation telling his story and I very much regret that I do not remember his name. His discussion about coming to terms with his seemingly-inevitable death for a crime he did not commit really hit me.

When released, he was given the clothes he came in with and enough cab fare to get him to wherever he could go. While it is true that a life sentence may have led to his eventual release as well, his description of being a "dead man walking" was chilling.

Our speaker did not change my thinking, but his story reinforced my reasons for believing as I do.

WHAT RESULT?

I have heard the arguments about deterrence, and I just don't buy its usefulness or its substance. I heard once that our nation is the only democratic country that sanctions the death penalty. Yet, we are also among the leaders in violent crimes committed.

When it comes to murder, I struggle to imagine anyone determined enough to commit murder will really weigh possible execution in his or her mind. For very violent crimes, I'm unconvinced that consequences are ever factored into the thought process. Maybe that's a consideration I will never understand because I've never killed before. Still, I struggle to conclude the thought even enters the brain.

Once committed, however, the act of execution literally solves nothing. As to the thought that families take comfort in the execution of the criminal; that thought makes me shudder.

Such accommodation of vengeance only encourages people to indulge in anger.

Execution also makes impossible the eventual rehabilitation of a person, thus precluding any possible unforeseen good to come from a horrible situation. I realize rehabilitation is often not possible, but it is also not impossible.

ARE WE SURE?

The fact that hundreds of innocent people have been executed stands by itself. Humans are too fallible to be so certain as to inflict so final a punishment. If we believe in protecting the innocent, then we should never execute. Simply stated, that's the only way to insure no innocents are murdered by us all. Which leads me to...

UNDIGNIFIED

A politician once said that the death penalty is "beneath the dignity of our elected government." It is therefore also beneath the dignity of us all.

Representative government acts on behalf of us all. Therefore, in essence, the lethal injection is given by all of our hands.

The phrase "thou shalt not kill" has been amended in the minds of generations in innumerable ways. Self defense. Justified war. Protection of family. The applicability of any of those have been debated passionately. However, I do not consider vengeance, punishment or retribution to be among those debatable excuses for the taking of life.

For what it's worth, I do not wish anyone to execute a criminal on my behalf. By doing so with the sanction of law, that happens anyway. And, I don't have to like that.

Preschool Update

2009-04-18T23:07:00.000-07:00

Jacob has now finished two successful weeks of preschool.

His first week started rough, which led to a decision to start him on half-days. Actually, the only rough day was Monday and, as we discovered, it was really only a rough hour. When I picked him up on Monday, he seemed happy and comfortable. The rest of his first week went very well.

His second week started on Tuesday because he was sick on Monday and we kept him home. We agreed to stay with half-days, but he stayed through lunch rather than to lunch. Although he began to resist going to school very strongly at home, he established a pattern of quiet acceptance and no longer cried at the gate.

By Thursday of week two, all fit-throwing ended and his comfort and happiness at the school and with teachers and other children improved each day.

Next week begins full days. Also, he will now arrive without pull-up diapers. He was not wet one time in his two full weeks (something that did not surprise us). Now that he has shown his discipline on toilet training, the school will allow him to shed the diapers. He has been trained for a long time here at home. In all honestly, we were worried their insistence on diapers would cause regression. We are so happy it did not.

We are very pleased with how this has developed. We were told at the beginning that we could expect to see him focus more at home because of the self-directed learning taught at the school, and that is absolutely correct. He has always had an intense focus, but he now will literally spend hours building bridges, roads or whatever else with blocks, crayons and even boxes. He has even started putting toys away on his own at home. That is very new.

Although it has been tough at times getting to this point, Jen and I are glad we stuck this out. We consider it important for him to attend preschool. Since we must have him tended to while Jen drives in to work, we insisted on it being at all-day preschool as opposed to day care.

Of course, our first option was what we've always done, but Jacob's new experiences will provide him something different and something we could not have provided. As an example, Jacob has already made his very first friend without influence from his parents.

April Fools?

2009-04-15T18:50:00.001-07:00

Today is tax day.

I encountered traffic while driving home. The causes? 1) Maybe tens of people were at a major intersection protesting various things from the idea of global warming to taxes and big government; and 2) I drove past the post office and its backlog of cars trying to file tax returns.

I had heard of this tea-party thing on the news, but it seemed kinda worthless to me in light of its complete lack of constructive ideas beyond grumpiness.

I have seen the urgings to send a teabag to your representative in a cute tip of the hat to the Boston Tea Party even though all taxation now comes from representation. Ironically, today was the day I was reminded that taxes have gone down.

That's right, my taxes have gone down. In fact, I was approached at work with my re-worked withholding because of the "Obama thing" so that I will literally have more money from my paychecks thanks to the stimulus plan. Which got me to wondering... What exactly were these folks protesting?

Should I take my cue from the signs? That's a start. What did those say? Well, I only saw a few because I was driving, but here they are:

"Man Made Global Warming is a HOAX" -- Hmmmm... Scientists don't agree with that one. I think the argument that "pumping billions of tons of carbon into the air has no effect" seems a bit weak. As for it being an actual hoax? Seems like crazy talk to me. She could have just saved some ink and written "I AM A FOOL." An April Fool at that!

"Save our Constitution" -- Bold. Direct. No ambiguity about that one. Unless you wonder from what our Constitution is to be saved. Then, it's really just a big ball of confusion. Can't be from taxes because 1) our constitution allows income tax and 2) our taxes have just decreased to stimulate the economy. Maybe it should be saved from a tax rate that's too low? Maybe this man was worried about not funding our needs as a society by failing to raise necessary funds.

Should we save it from our elected officials? I mean, they are ELECTED, you know and that isn't... wait... nevermind. Honestly, I could guess all day. I'm going to conclude that he wants our Constitution saved from the ravages of age and deterioration. I mean, it's old paper, so it could just turn to dust.

"Congress Kiss My Ass" -- Really, this says it all. Between this sign and the teabag campaign, I'm not sure whether these folks are angry or just really kinky.

"If you aren't outraged, you aren't a taxpayer" -- As someone who is a taxpayer without outrage, I take offense to this one. There, now I'm outraged. I'd be more angry if nothing were being done. Actually, you know what? I had my turn for outrage. Hey folks, it's your turn to be outraged! Knock yourselves out.

"Big Government Equals Smaller Liberty" -- No one seemed to care about this when the Patriot Act was passed. Seems a bit simplistic.

Various signs with the words "tyranny and socialist" -- Sigh. It's like the school yard all over again.

Let me repeat, TAXES HAVE BEEN LOWERED. I realize that the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy won't be renewed in 2011 or whenever that comes up for renewal, but that won't affect anyone I know because I don't have extremely rich friends who make more than a quarter mil. But, even the campaign promise of prematurely ending those breaks was put off to help the economy. That's called compromise.

So, if the signs don't tell me why these folks are upset, what could it be? Probably they just disagree with the philosophy of the current administration. I get that. I've had to stew for 8 years. But throwing around "socialist" and "tyranny" during the debate? To quote Jon Stewart, "I think you are confusing tyranny with losing. You're in the minority. It's supposed to taste like a sh** taco."

So what could the gripe logically be?

I guess I just don't care.

Preschool, Take II

2009-04-05T14:41:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow will be Jacob's second attempt at beginning preschool.

When his short-lived, three-day experiment fizzled with tears and distress six months ago, we decided to try again when he turned three. This time, we decided, he would be ready.

We set up regularly-scheduled days with grandma so he would be used to being away from home. We also talked up school and showed him videos from the school's website. We even took him to the school gate after hours to discuss the upcoming school session. Finally, he is now toilet trained, so that should also help.

On Friday, he went through his second "orientation," which serves as both an introduction to the school for Jacob and a test of his temperament to determine whether he really is ready.

The last "orientation" (in September) was a nightmare. He absolutely ignored instruction from the teachers, took toys out without putting them away and even tried to eat the play-doh (the latter of which stunned us at the time because he really had gotten past putting things in his mouth at home). In retrospect, that was our fault. He had never been watched by anyone but us, and we were all of a sudden ditching him to strangers for entire days. In hindsight, not well thought out.

This time around was different. He listened to instruction, did not seem to notice that we were not in the room when the teacher pulled him aside for some instruction and even communicated effectively. We peeked in to see him pull out his "play mat," work on a puzzle, put the puzzle away and then put the mat away. He surprised even us.

This particular school is a bit on the strict side, so who knows how he will do for entire days at a time and how much staying power his attention span will have, but we are at least filled with hopes of success this time around.

And, because Jen will have to drive to work every day starting very soon, it is going to have to work this time. So, we are looking forward to Jacob's second venture into schooling.

We jokingly refer to his first go-around as his "expulsion" from school (a joke apparently only funny to me and Jen), and I have a hard time imagining success based on how terribly things went last time. Still, seeing is believing and we have managed to become optimistic. (shocking, I know).

Taking the edge off

2009-03-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

Time is relentless. It is also a blessing and it demands contemplation. Contemplation is a natural manure for personal growth. If that means this is all BS, so be it.

Contemplation has recently led me to consider how time has eroded / improved / horribly disfigured /etc. my own temperament / happiness / outlook / etc.

Make sense? Probably not yet.

Jacob turned 3 last week. Birthdays always provide a good reason to reflect, especially about how the things we never imagined would happen to us actually do so, and do so relentlessly. Specifically, I will never get over being a dad. It'll apparently never stop being weird or "hard to believe" how big Jacob gets. Alice blogged about this and she hit the nail right on the head.

My contemplation has lately been a little more self-reflective vis-a-vis Jacob's influence.

Specifically, time / circumstances / whatever have worked to dull the edges I once enjoyed / hated / benefited from. And that's not a bad thing.

What exactly does this mean? It means that the need I once felt so deeply to excel to the highest levels has dissipated. I no longer strive for endless ascension in school / business / life / recreation. I no longer care to compete in a ruthless / attacking sense. I still try to do the very best I can in my profession and still take pride in my work, but I now have one overriding goal: Peace.

I care about spending evenings at home. I care about not being pulled in every direction. I care about doing whatever I want to with my free time.

The only change I can really point to is Jacob's birth. My duties are to him and Jen now, and it makes me feel good to be home a lot. I think this transformation was aided by waiting to have him. I managed to squeeze in a lot of living before his birth / contemplation / existence.

I made a semi-bucket list in my mind and managed to cross off enough of the "me" things that I have never felt deprived by parenthood. I finished Ride The Rockies in 2002, went to law school, spent five weeks in Germany, stood on the Normandy beaches on a June 6, visited Yellowstone, hiked in Volcano National Park in Hawaii, visited Pearl Harbor, gone to a ton of sporting events and even lived in NYC for a summer.

Honestly, I can just take a breath now.

I know I would have put Jacob first had he arrived much earlier, but I think I'd still have some of the tension that accompanied me for the first 28 years of life. I remember my father as very tightly wound when I was younger. He mellowed considerably as he got older, but I've gotten an earlier jump on him in the mellowing department.

Any new bucket list will involve Jacob. I want to take him to Disney World, Sea World, to ball games... play catch, attend school performances and hold his nose to the grindstone in school (OK, so maybe I'm still a little tightly wound).

If there is one point to be made, I guess it's that I never realized how much I would love being a father and timing has something to do with it. Someone once told me you never know when you are ready to be a parent, so you need to stop waiting for the "right" time. At the time, that comment ticked me off because that message was of the "hurry up and have a kid" variety.

I think it's a true statement on its face, but, for me, the timing could not have been more perfect. Timing differs for every set of parents, but I feel like I will be a better father for having waited.

Jacob turns 3!

2009-03-23T21:48:00.001-07:00

Some recent pictures of our little guy as he moved from 2 to 3.

Train Set expansion.

Jacob and his Birthday presents.

BATMAN!

Playing Sims with Mommy.

Pattern Behavior

2009-03-12T20:24:00.000-07:00

I imagine financial advice had not changed one bit from the end of WWII until September, 2008. The market goes up and it always will.

I know I heard the advice. I'm certainly not claiming to have known better, but I've always at least suspected that a certain naive comfort had set into the population as a whole. I actually remember one person rolling his eyes when I asked "doesn't the market fluctuate?" No one would ever say "no," but the smile said it all: "there's no guarantee, BUT..."

Jen and I have been told many times by various financial advisers, well-wishers and strangers alike that money would best serve us when put into the market rather than into our home. I even almost cracked a few times. In my head, I began to suspect that maybe we were missing the train by shoving extra funds into prepayments on our home. I even remember one advisor giving me a condescending smile while showing the math based on a 10% return as opposed to money "under-utilized." No one ever questioned the regular growth. At least not really.

To Jen's credit, she wouldn't let me waiver.

My point? I guess it's that pattern behavior eventually leads to trouble because its based on assumptions. Twelve percent growth per year became such a pattern for many investors that no one ever thought, "how could this continue when people are piling up the kind of debt that would give a healthy man a heart attack?" To be fair, no one has asked that until now.

I've often asked anyone in ear shot "how did everyone miss that we were heading for financial ruin? Aren't these CEOs, financial gurus, regulators and overcompensated boards of directors supposed to know what they are doing?"

I've never been one to trust the undefinable "them" anyway, but surely SOMEONE must have seen the signs. Apparently Warren Buffett gave warnings, and I'm sure others did too, but what's a warning when graphs show a generation of growth? After all, the charts I've seen indicate growth that has been almost unfettered for 80 years or more.

I remember learning through quantitative reasoning that an assertion that, "the sun will rise tomorrow because it rose yesterday" was, by definition, a fallacy. No one doubts that tomorrow will bring light, but we can't quantitatively prove it will happen. We take it on pattern and faith. One could also say physics, but we can't know if a meteor will stop tomorrow, so even that is not a certainty. 99% does not equal 100%.

So, while we try to pick up the pieces and unwind the mess we've made, I am left to wonder where we go from here? Maybe, just maybe, we hit the very limit of growth through overuse and over-extension of credit. Maybe we've grown this far ONLY because we were so willing as a people to incur so much debt.

I don't know the answer, but easy credit provides an illusion that we have more than we ever really do. And, eventually, the bill comes due and there is no where else left to turn. It ruins marriages, it strains health and it leads to the kind of bust we are now witnessing.

The only way I think we can ever prevent this kind of crisis from happening again is if recovery leads to responsible use of credit and we stop basing our lives on the fallacy that "past performance guarantees future results." How about this time we don't forget that the market fluctuates.

But, before I get ahead of myself, we need to get through this mess first. Lest I assume recovery before it happens.

Music in my life

2009-02-28T22:38:00.000-08:00

July 11, 2001. I was at Folsom Field with my father, sister, brother and sister-in-law for the best concert I will ever attend. Too soon to say? Not on your life. I may be the only one who would say that out of our group, but it's my story and my experience was otherworldly.

The song embedded above provided the most vivid moment for me. I know it's a long song, but it simmers until the 3:55 mark and does not calm down until the 7:15 mark. The song is deep and, as of this performance, yet-to-be-released. It also prominently features Leroi Moore on the saxophone. Moore died last summer after an ATV accident last summer.

I have been to four Dave Matthews Band concerts in my life (two of them released as DVDs), but only this one featured 3/4 of the rest of my family combined with a transcendent experience.

Music has played a big role in my life. That is mostly due to the fact that my father made sure music of all kinds echoed in the house as we grew up. His diversity of music taste is at least part of the reason my i-pod play list makes no sense except to me (it features everything from Mozart to Jay-Z and Rammstein... Paul Simon and the Beatles to Dr. Dre and The Killers).

Although the Dave Matthews Band is my runaway favorite band of all time, the right song from any era sends me back in time and starts the memories flowing. And, that often takes me back to Boulder, Colorado.

On July 11, 2001, rain greeted us at our seats. Although the rain was steady, it was tolerable and almost pleasant. The opening acts were good if not memorable (I only remember Wyclef Jean, but the others are hazy). The concert started at 8:00 and the rain stopped on a dime.

You can't make this stuff up.

I remember taking that as a sign not to let anything ruin the experience. I proceeded to have a blast until the final encore. My experience featured singing along, dancing and basically blocking out my surroundings. The concert went overtime by 15 minutes, but it could have lasted another hour and I'd have been fine.

I first heard of DMB from friends back in Virginia who told me about this great band playing in Charlottesville (where I used to live) at a local bar called Miller's. When "Under the Table and Dreaming" was released I about burned out my copy. The album flowed wonderfully and seemed to tell a story. DMB became a constant companion for me in college.

I can't really explain why they are my favorite. I guess, if pinned down, I'd say because of DMBs unique combination of instruments, their amazing improvisation as a live band and because, in a world full of formulaic canned pop music, DMB seemed deeper and more original. I have also consistently appreciated singers with unique-sounding voices, including Dylan, Paul Simon, Matthews, and even Elton John among many others.

After the concert ended, we stopped at a Denny's-type restaurant outside of Boulder for a snack. No one must have noticed the concert on the schedule when they made staffing arrangements because there were about two waitresses and one cook. We were not the first there, but by the time we were finished, the line for tables was out the door and the three workers were calling for reinforcements and in full-panic mode.

It was at the table when my dad stated that this concert had surpassed his experience seeing the Rolling Stones live in 1967 as the best concert he had ever attended. I remember being profoundly impressed by that statement and spent the rest of the night reflecting on my experience. I don't remember sleeping much that night.

And THAT is what makes a concert great. When a performance grabs you, the experience is special. There are countless examples, and I suppose the circumstances vary for each person. But, when you experience the "perfect storm" as I did in 2001, it's magical.

My dad provided an anecdote for the clip blow. Queen, live from "Live Aid" in 1985. He described watching Freddie Mercury take hold of the audience. I found the clip on Youtube and posted it below. No matter what you think of Queen, there is no denying that Mercury took command of the audience and absolutely touched them. He sent everyone home talking about the experience, and I have since discovered that his performance is widely considered one of the best of the 20th Century.

Jacob has taken a special fancy to some of the Muppet Show DVDs my mom owns. The series is a collection from the shows that aired when I was about his age. They feature guest stars such as Harry Belafonte, Linda Ronstadt, Paul Simon, Elton John, John Denver and others. His insistence on watching those DVDs whenever he earns a movie has brought back so many memories for me.

I remember those artists and others playing throughout my childhood, adolescence and early-adulthood. Once upon a time, I was up on all the new music and always on the lookout for good groups or albums. Unfortunately, I've become more and more detached from the music scene. I don't buy cd's hardly ever anymore.

Although it still didn't lead to a CD purchase, I did buy and download the soundtrack from Slumdog Millionaire via I-tunes after seeing the movie tonight. The music made a wonderful movie into a special experience much like John Williams did for Star Wars. Music doesn't usually break a movie, but it can absolutely make a movie.

I am going to try to update my music collection and get back to my old practice of listening to music around the house. Although I resisted my father's attempts to make me memorize the composer by sound as a kid (something I regret now), I don't want Jacob to miss out on a soundtrack to his life.

In a related note, Jacob, Year 3, begins production this week.

Another Deal

2009-02-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

We are facing an economic crisis. And that sentence seems to represent the totality of agreement on the issue by the populace.

No one agrees how to handle this mess. That doesn't stop anyone from having strong feelings about the stimulus, which is good for healthy debate.

<-- GUESS THE REPUBLICAN ANSWER (Hint: Rhymes with Fax Struts)

My purpose in sitting down to spew my thoughts is threefold. First, I want to address the ridiculous practice of re-arguing the New Deal debate, especially when its done to political ends. Second, I will explain my reason for supporting the stimulous bill even though not one person in this nation is completely happy about it (as if that isn't argument enough). Finally, I want to explain why I believe the zero-vote strategy adopted by the Republican party neither helps the country nor the future of that party.

No one wants more debt and no one wants to waste. Even the best of solutions sometimes taste bad going down, but we do what we must.

FAIR DEAL

I recently read that the conservative talking points during the stimulus debate included an argument that the New Deal made the depression worse. The "proof" provided is sketchy at best. The truth is that this argument leads to a dead-end.

Once the New Deal is brought up in any context, the respective sides will take their usual places and dig in. I will never be convinced that it did not help the nation out of the depression because my great-grandparents credited the public works projects that employed my great-grandfather with saving their lives in the wake of depression.

The truth is that the New Deal represents a fault line for the most basic of political disagreements: The role of the federal government.

Just like I cannot be moved on this topic, neither will many conservatives budge from the assertion that only tax cuts and the private sector ever produce results on anything from slicing bread to ending a recession.

Ironically, they point to the war as the true savior while conveniently leaving out one important fact. WWII created jobs because of the massive government spending necessary to arm the nation to the teeth in a very short time. That's right, those private sector jobs would never have developed if the government wasn't in the market for massive amounts of products to be produced ASAP. Who else but the government would ever make such huge purchases?

Remember that fact when new RNC chair Michael Steele says that the federal government has never created a single job in the nation's history. Such a statement defines foolishness. It also shows that he is driven by only ideology and not by reason. And he's the leader of the Republican party.

Believe it or not, my purpose is not to sing the praises of the New Deal. It was not perfect. It probably did take too many steps toward government activism and earned some of the animosity of the right. My point is that we don't live in the 1930s or 1940s anymore, so the debate doesn't serve any purpose beyond creating arguments that lead to the same old stalemate.

We must use reason and thought to come up with a new strategy for this moment in time. And, all ideas must be considered without resort to blind ideology. That goes for both sides.

STIMULATING

Perhaps the best argument I can make for the stimulus bill that passed is that no one is happy with it. It makes the very liberal unhappy because many spending projects were shelved to make room for more tax cuts. It makes conservatives upset because there aren't enough tax cuts. What better evidence could there be that this bill (thanks to the only three Republicans willing to participate out of 219) involved compromise.

As usual, I look to Benjamin Franklin for perspective on this. Franklin put into eloquent words what I have experienced in my practice when discussing compromise. Franklin's final thoughts on the Constitution were as follows:

Thus I consent, Sir, to this Constitution because I expect no better, and because I am not sure, that it is not the best. The opinions I have had of its errors, I sacrifice to the public good.

I have reservations, as does everyone, about this stimulus package. But, I sacrifice them for the public good. We all admit something needs to be done. This package will absolutely create jobs. There is no doubt about that. Construction projects must be "shovel-ready" to receive funding and that means jobs now. Those people who are employed by the projects will in turn spend money, which will help surrounding businesses. The money will bounce around our communities, which is just what the doctor ordered. Is it being done perfectly? I doubt 100 years of debate would accomplish that.

Although the opposition to this bill has been fierce, that opposition has offered nothing reasonable as an alternative. To point only to tax cuts as an answer when that has been the only action taken over the last eight years represents slavery to ideology. Such positions do not involve reason. In fact, the opposition has often even refused to meaningfully participate in the discussion at all, which brings me to...

ZERO EFFECT

There are 219 Republicans in the two houses of Congress. Exactly three of them voted for the stimulus bill. And, many conservative groups have announced that those Senators will face primary challenges when they next face re-election.

But, any true conservative should send those Senators a thank you note along with me. Without those three Senators -- Arlen Specter, Olympia Snow and Susan Collins -- conservative ideals would be even less represented in the bill. Indeed, I wonder how many more of those ideals might have made their way into the bill if a handful of other other Republican officeholders would have decided to be part of the solution as opposed to political foot-dragging.

I understand that only 12 Democrats voted against the stimulus, and I do not pretend that only the Republicans are sticking to their guns. The difference in my eyes is in the effort. Only Republican leadership has threatened to "take my ball and go home." And, no workable (read: non-abolition of taxes) solution has been offered as an alternative.

By offering primary challenges to the few Republican party members left who have political courage and who are not slaves to the "only tax cuts will do" ideology, the party has cemented its status as a regional second-rate party. Until that party's moderates start making decisions again, there will be no meaningful opposition party. And, that's a shame.

Although I am not a conservative, I belive that our country works better when both parties are thinking straight. Afterall, no party (even my own) accomplishes great things without constructive opposition.

Here's hoping for success.

In the meantime, Jacob's generation is left to ask...

Wait!? We're borrowing HOW MUCH again?
-->

Update and Photos

2009-02-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

Jacob has Croup right now, so our weekend has been spent just trying to make our little guy feel comfortable.

It has been relaxing to be home all weekend, but it's been tough watching Jacob struggle with coughing fits. I decided to post a few pictures that I have had saved on the camera for a while.

I have a lot of thoughts for coming posts and will get to those as soon as Jacob is over the hump on his illness, which we hope will be soon. In the meantime, enjoy a few pictures from happier days for our little guy.

At Ian's Birthday party

Waiting for cake.

Lessons from Lincoln

2009-02-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

I finished my first book of 2009 last week. Team of Rivals, the Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln by Doris Kearns Goodwin was a phenomenal book and it planted Abraham Lincoln firmly into my tight circle of political heroes (including Benjamin Franklin and Martin Luther King, Jr.).

Although the book detailed some of Lincoln's biographical information, the focus was on his political skill. I found reinforcement for many life lessons in the book. The tasks of managing relationships and juggling varying interests impact all aspects of our lives (in professional, social or any other station of life). How we handle those challenges can impact our lives deeply and impact effectiveness and even happiness.

As a brief summary, Lincoln appointed his political rivals to his closest quarters. He did so to take advantage of the best talent available in the newly-formed Republican party (which looks nothing like the party of today) and to keep himself honest and accountable by turning cabinet meetings into runs through a political gauntlet. Lincoln managed to apply the best talent in the nation to a common task, refine his own thinking through the filter of a blunt cabinet and exerted his own dominion thereover all at the same time. In a word, it was a remarkable feat at a perilous time in our history. And he pulled it off beautifully.

This book has been present in every grocery store in the nation for the simple reason that our new president has cited its teachings as an inspiration for his cabinet. I cannot help but be impressed by the undertaking, and I wish our president the best of luck in handling such strong personalities and conflicting interests with the unique grace of our 16th president. What Lincoln did could not be duplicated by just anyone.

I found a number of basic lessons from the book that anyone can use in life. They are all self-evident lessons, and none of them are new, but they are each presented under the unique and withering pressure of the Civil War. Those simple lessons, applied by a president, saved the union. That example was powerful to say the least. Those same values and techniques, I think, can apply to anyone in daily life.

First, anyone should be willing to listen to the arguments of those who disagree. I read recently that, as our politics have polarized, many people have entrenched themselves into one or the other ideological camp. Many listen to and speak to only those with whom they agree. The resulting "us" vs. "them" mentality deepens the problem.

This book reinforced my belief that we should never be afraid to consider that any of us could be mistaken on any given topic. We can also find a greater truth to a belief once that belief survives strong contemplation.

Second, never judge a book by its cover. Lincoln's political rivals all underestimated Lincoln, some severely so. He was referred to as an "ape," and a "country lawyer." It turns out that the awkward Illinois lawyer who struggled to find fitting clothing, taught himself to read and practice law and moved as if always stumbling was a run-away intellectual superior even to those in his cabinet. It is fair to say we have all been guilty of flash judgements, and everyone has experienced the surprise of being wrong.

Finally, this book reinforced the time-honored Golden Rule. By treating even adversaries with respect, humility and compassion, rivals can become willing allies. It also does not hurt to have a sense of humor, especially about one's self. Nothing disarms quite like self-deprecation, humility and a good laugh.

Although Lincoln made the political tactic of providing enough rope for one to hang himself into a beautiful art, he remained gracious. Although capable of twisting opponents into political knots, Lincoln wielded his abilities gracefully and without malice or vengeance.

We all face challenges in life, at work and in the home. But, I try to remember that if such basic core values as those practiced by our nation's greatest president can save the Union, they can get anyone through the trials in life or at least grant us some comfort in dealing with daily struggles.

Every other book I read this year will be chasing Team of Rivals for the title of best book I read in 2009.

President Obama

2009-01-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

A Fork in the Road

2009-01-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

Jen and I discussed the importance of preserving family history recently. She liked the short book my grandmother finished before her recent death and decided to write down her memories. Obviously, that same motivation led me to create this blog. I hope it can one day be turned into a book to help my family know our little chapter.

I started to think about how individuals are seen differently from various perspectives. Stories I have heard from my father's colleagues have painted a unique picture that I could never have experienced. The best stories of all, however, are heard from the first-person perspective. Take, for instance, my father's letter the the editor of CHEST magazine regarding the very serious illness he suffered when we moved to Loveland from Virginia. You can read that here:

http://www.chestjournal.org/content/106/1/328.2.full.pdf?ck=nck

With that in mind, I thought of some stories I could tell that may interest Jacob when he's older. The contemplation led me to revisit an interesting and fun time in my life that, I now know, was a fork in the road, but not at all what I expected. I thought at the time that I was on a fast track, but, in reality, life took a more subtle change that I now only recognize in retrospect.

I long considered 1998 the best year of my life. It is now second to 2006, but I will always fondly remember 1998. It started with a bang because I got engaged on Valentines Day of '98. I chose well and Jen is still as precious to me as she was when we were still in school.

My school year began with concern about how I would come up with money for my fifth and final year of college. My parents helped me with one-half of my tuition/room and board for four years, but my decision to pursue two degrees, and the resulting fifth year in school, left me with that cost to bear alone. I worked at the Campus Press and delivered newspapers on campus to keep my gas tank full, but it didn't do much else. I vaguely remember my editor's pay to be about $187.00 every two weeks or so. It actually seemed like plenty at the time, but it wasn't going to cover the year and my summer work money was never a whole lot (and was usually gone paying my share of tuition and housing anyway).

Then, the floodgates of opportunity opened. I went from debating the wisdom of a chosen fifth year in school to weighing two great opportunities. First, I received a scholarship and internship from the Colorado Press Association that provided most of my tuition and a job at $6.25 per hour. Then, I received a paid internship through Time Inc. at Sports Illustrated for Kids. All of a sudden I had a decision to make. What a change of fortunes, huh?

I worked out an agreement that allowed me to have the scholarship, take the New York gig over the summer and perform my internship as a night reporter during the school year. Everything was just perfect! I even found enough smaller grants and scholarships available to finish off most of the rest of my expenses. I guess not going to parties and hunkering down paid off afterall.

Even my sports fortunes were amazing. The year began with Denver's first Super Bowl title in January of '98, which I celebrated with gusto after suffering with the team since memories began. To top it off, Denver began the '98 season 13-0 on their way to the best single season in team history and another title. I attended most of the games that year and enjoyed Terrell Davis' brilliance on his way to 2,000+ yards. I managed to gain access to the Denver Bronco locker room in Dove Valley as the team prepared to play the Steelers in the AFC championship game.

I was in New York for the entire summer of that year and had a blast in Manhattan. I ended up working for NBA INSIDE STUFF magazine (the official teen magazine of the NBA). My housing was paid for (thank God because it's beyond expensive) and I received enough money from the job to keep me entertained. I saw two Broadway plays (Les Miserable and Miss Saigon), visited the world trade center, climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty for a look from inside the crown, and just basically saw the sights. It was my best summer ever, hands down.

I still remember hitting softballs with all my buddies in the rain at a park the night before I left and having a blast. My longtime friend Wally traveled up from Virgina to spend a long weekend with me. My year was on an absolute roll.

I made a point of walking an hour to work most days just so I could see the vibrant life of NYC and save $1.50 per subway trip. Even though I was there for sports journalism, however, I now know I went there with another purpose.

Shortly before my trip, a favorite professor of mine (Edward Rozek) discussed the importance of goals in life and said that I should write a goal on a piece of paper, laminate it and attach it to a key chain to keep the goal ever in mind. My goal had always been to write for Sports Illustrated. I remember making plans to make the key chain.

Funny thing happened. I could not bring myself to put that goal on my key chain. I even remember telling myself while in my car, "I can't put that as my goal for the whole world to see."

I then saw the movie 13 Days with some friends and (Costner's performance aside) remembered why I had decided on that fifth year of college. I am most driven to the study of the bettering of society. I had added political science as a means to an end I could not then contemplate or explain. Journalism was not an intellectual challenge as much as the honing of a craft. Although a noble craft, that just wasn't all that I wanted. I most desired to study the systematic change of our world and hoped to somehow contribute to a greater good in a more direct sense rather than as an observer.

(Interestingly enough, it was my father who pushed me away from medicine [my first choice coming out of high school] and encouraged me to have a "fun" job. I now know that working in the toy department for me [I am a big fan of sports] was not going to satisfy my need for something else. Nevertheless, I worked in journalism for three years before I felt the tug toward that "something else" and dragged Jen through law school.)

So, I had packed some books and resolved to read them while trying to ignore the sirens of NYC. I read "A Bright and Shining Lie," "Profiles in Courage," and a few others. On weeknights after work, I read the books and got lost in their depth. It was a feast.

While in New York, I was forwarded an e-mail that asked a number of questions, like "mustard or mayo?." Two memorable and related questions asked (With my very confident answers in parenthesis) as follows:

1. Where are you now? (New York, NY)
2. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? (New York, NY)

I answered certain I'd be in the same Time, Inc. building. Well, it's been now more than 10 years. I am not in New York, nor do I want to be. My chosen profession gives me the chance to feel a part of things and spend time with family and friends. I could never have known it at the time, but 1998 was the first time I routed my path away from the point I thought certain to be my final goal.

But, as I said before, that goal never made it to my key chain.

Thoughts on the book challenge

2008-12-27T15:35:00.000-08:00

I've just finished my final book of the year to hit the goal Book and I set.

I enjoyed the book challenge this year and look forward to doing it again in 2009. We have slightly altered some of the rules, but, by and large, it will remain the same. This year we will assign each other a few books to read. We still have to have at least one epic book on the year. Mine will be Team of Rivals for 2009 and I'm getting a minor start on it now.

I am going to be a little better about choosing books this time around, though. I ended up reading some books I wish I could have back. "I May Not Get There With You" was written like an academic paper and focused on comparisons between MLK and Tupac. Half-way through it I wished I could just have a do-over. I also really did not enjoy "Catch-22," even though it is apparently widely regarded as a great book. Just not my style.

"Turning of the Tide" was great for 150 pages and then turned absolutely unbearable. The last 100 or 150 pages seemed like various random sports updates stapled to the back of the books with conclusions stating how it just shows that black players played in those various games. Entire chapters were just transcripts of interviews with people who really had nothing to add to the story. It's a shame because if that book ended on about page 150, it would have been one of my favorites of the year.

This year I am going to try to avoid many of the political books. I think the more I read about the Bush administration, the more generally angry I became and I kinda burned out my outrage switch. This year, any political books will be carefully chosen. Of course, I'm already compiling my list and a few are on there, but I'll at least try to mitigate them. Obama 2012!!!

HIGHLIGHTS FROM 2008

I really enjoyed "The World Without Us." I didn't expect it to be as interesting as it was. "'77," which was about the 1977 Broncos, was a really fun read. I also got intesely into "Bringing Down the House," which was about some MIT students who could count cards and took Vegas for millions.

I'm generally not a fiction reader, but I liked "Angels and Demons." Still, the book "jumped the shark" at the end, which disappointed me. That is usually why I don't read a lot of fiction. Still, the book was entertaining.

By far the best book was "Bearing the Cross" because I think I will take the lessons of the civil rights movement into the rest of life with me. Unbelievably great book. It was worth the time it took to read. I'm still amazed at the spying done on MLK and how much infighting made the struggle one that went up hill.

Barack Obama's two books were extremely good, although "Faith of My Fathers" was far superior and was in the discussion for favorite book of the year.

I enjoyed "the Great Derangement" very much. It was quite sarcastic and snarky, but also hilarious. The guy infiltrated the Hagee church (before his controvercial endorsement of McCain) and the 9/11 Truthers to show just how nuts many people can be and how impressionable as well.

"The Nine" was very interesting about the Supreme Court and how it functions behind the scenes. It confirmed my suspicion that the politics of a justice absolutely impact decisions about the hot-button issues of the times.

Finally, nothing made me laugh like "I am America and so Can You!" I read that one twice.

2009 LIST

Some of the books on my list for 2009:

Soldat
Team of Rivals
Southern Storm
Born Standing Up (Steve Martin)
Me of Little Faith (Lewis Black)
Stranger in a Strange Land
How to Rig an Election
The Express (About Ernie Davis)
Da Vinci Code
Seabiscuit
American Lion (Andrew Jackson)
Stories of blood and sweatsocks (Mankind)

As always, the list can change and I'm always open to suggestions. I am still awaiting my assignments from Book, so who knows where it will go. I'm just glad to be doing it again.

Holiday pictures

2008-12-27T08:03:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures from our Christmas party, from Christmas morning, and a few in between.

Happy Holidays

Grasping the End

2008-12-07T22:06:00.000-08:00

My grandmother Ruth died early Saturday morning after a battle with cancer. As I posted a few weeks ago, I thought a lot of my grandmother and will miss her very much.

Her death, however, was more a relief, which feels wrong to say, so allow me to explain. This was my first adult experience with such a circumstance and I didn't know what to expect when she was diagnosed with cancer more than nine months ago. It feels wrong to say, but her battle with cancer had become so uncomfortable (and obviously so hopeless for recovery), that I even wished for her death on her behalf. She wanted it to end and said so when she could.

I used to wonder if I was robbed of my chance to say goodbye to my father, who was taken from us unexpectedly and instantly. But, after now experiencing the sadness of a prolonged and very uncomfortable and slow regression before death, I can honestly say that neither is preferable. Considering its an inevitability, preference might be the wrong word, but I think you get my meaning.

The end result remains the same because we all miss her and hate to lose her from our lives. However, because her fate was mapped out for us to see, my family has been more able to turn the expected end into a celebration of her life. I think the reason is that the actual loss was confronted as we came to accept the inevitable.

She is already sorely missed, and her influence in our lives has never been more deeply felt.

BOOK UPDATES

-- I've just finished "The World Without Us" by Alan Weisman. It's a great book about what would happen to the world if humans disappeared overnight. It is an "imaginative" non-fiction in that it contemplates a hypothetical based on scientific facts. Very well done. It's just so interesting.

My reaction was more pronounced toward the delicate balance we walk even WITH us here. For example, our use of nuclear energy (even non-bomb atomic energy) produces some extremely nasty stuff and our disposal methods leave much to be desired. The book explains what happens to those materials and how they would escape, but it also illustrates how fine a line exists between "containment" of radioactive waste and "rampant cancer-causing plumes stretching for miles around."

Most unnerving is how plastics accumulate. The chain reactions that result from the most seemingly-mundane things (like plastic toys) are just plain bothersome. It's a real cringe-inducing experience. Try googling "North Pacific Gyre" sometime if you want specifics. (Hint: it's where our trash accumulates in the ocean.)

Also, after reading this book, I will not be living in Manhattan. Ever. Apparently 700+ pumps (many pumping against gravity) are all that separates that huge city from being a marsh. Big trouble can happen within an hour of loss of power. Yikes.

-- I finished my "epic" book of the year, "Bearing the Cross" by David Garrow. Amazing look at MLK and the civil rights movement. The turmoil, the hurdles, and the courage displayed were all painstakingly broken down.

I've said it before, but MLK, to me, is the greatest citizen this country has ever produced. King's deeds, more than any other personal experience or person I've known, inspire me toward spirituality. A reverend who took to the streets to assist in deed to eliminate the most shameful element of post-slavery America: Segregation.

Most illuminating were the lengths to which the government (even Kennedy) went to spy on King. He was a marked man, his every move was watched, and yet he was able to accomplish real change for the betterment of people. One of the best books I've read in a very long time.

Black Friday 2

2008-11-28T21:36:00.000-08:00

Well, last year I spent Black Friday watching Colorado vs. Nebraska with Book and we had such a grand time documenting the experience via duelling-running-diaries that we did it again. Although, considering that Book and I debated whether I can call this season a disaster or not, it was probably a poor choice on my part. We brought the Fuzz along, so this should be fun.

To make matters worse, we chose Jackson's as the setting. Jackson's featured many tractors-full of Husker fans and even a Nebraska-themed "raffle" giving away various signs you might be a redneck. I should have known what lay ahead when I saw riding mowers with sidecars in the parking lot, but I plowed ahead anyway.

Must be time for some football! (Time stamp denotes official game time in the indicated quarter).

FIRST QUARTER

14:25 -- CU's first possession ends in a 68-yard TD pass to TE Geer. Color me shocked. Once again, the Buffs are trying to reel me in. I'm not yet fooled (yet) because I know the Buff defense stinks. Still, nice start.

7-0 CU

11:07 -- After forcing a punt, CU goes 80-yards in two plays for another TD. Demitrius Sumler rumbles 36 yards untouched to give CU a 14-point lead. I know he was untouched because he was standing when he reached the endzone. That's the farthest Sumler has run without falling down since the IHOP opened near his dorm. I guess what I'm saying is if Sumler goes 36 yards, maybe NU's defense can keep the Buffs' hopes alive!

CU capitalizes by kicking a squib kick and handing the Huskers wonderful field position.
14-0 CU

5:46 -- Nebraska scores when its TE failed to drop a pass because of sun glare. He was so alone, the sun was CU's only defense. NU celebrates with a mass-release of red balloons. State of the art stadiums and jumbo trons may be the new thing, but the locals apparently remain puzzled by the mystery of floating rubber.

This seem like a good time to mention that the Jackson's Husker fans cheer wildly for every first down. It must really stink to have nothing else to look forward to in life but wind and corn stalks. These folks haven't been this happy since they successfully welded a sidecar onto a riding mower.

The broadcast just showed a tractor of some sort shooting grain of some sort into another truck on a dreary day as it transitioned to commercial. "Visit Nebraska, where tractor rides and boredom happen." I'm bitter.

14-7 CU

4:04 -- After a CU three-and-out, Nebraska scores on one play. I knew it would happen, but I was hoping CU could hold the lead for an entire quarter. Apparently #47 for CU is the nephew of one Tony Lilly because of his unique ability to squander the angle with his special lack of speed. I think he was 10 yards behind the TE 25 yards down the field. (For those not "in the know" about Mr. Lilly, he's the Bronco safety who can be seen on NFL films chasing at least four different Redskin receivers from no closer than 10 yards away in SB XXII).

14-14 tie (that was quick)

Above: The only time Tony Lilly has ever touched Art Monk (It must be in the end zone).

1:56 -- Cody Hawkins has a pass deflected by one Husker and picked by another. NU has the ball in the red zone. Uh oh. I openly wonder how the heck that happens and Book lays down the truth. "That's what happens when your QB is 5-7." My response? (bleep).

SECOND QUARTER

12:14 -- Nebraska kicks a field goal.

17-14 NU.

9:05 -- After a great kickoff return by Josh Smith of CU, the Buffs proceed to go gimmicky and bring in the running QB (Hansen). This leads to my pounding on the table and becoming essentially combative. Hansen (the running QB with no arm) proceeds to run two straight QB draws (who knew?). Cody comes back in to get the first down on third-and-long and then each QB takes a turn at being sacked. CU has been experimenting with QB rotation this year and it makes me crazy.

CU's 5-of-16 kicker who was run out of Laramie for incompetence manages to tie the game leading to Book and Fuzz being subjected to my all-time frustration rant. The kicker must possess pictures of a naked Dan Hawkins flirting with a bunch of rodeo clowns. There is no other reason for him to be the starting kicker. I mean, this guy missed (MISSED!!!) an XP in OT to give UVA a victory over UW a few years back. I guess he isn't all bad.

A two-minute drive has accomplished 15 yards and, against all odds, three points. I'm officially upset.

(By the way, the QB-rotation-during-a-game-to-keep-them-off-balance trick has NEVER worked in the history of humanity. Dan Hawkins, we need to have a talk. If I were the AD, any coach I hire would have only one rule -- If you ever rotate QBs in any one game, you are FIRED!!!! I don't ask for much.)

17-17 tie (against all odds, the kick was good).

DO NOT TRY THIS ON YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM!!!

6:04 -- Book and Fuzz are still talking me down from my epic rant regarding QB shuffles. I think I'm making surrounding patrons uncomfortable. (Does no one remember when the Broncos shuffled Shawn Moore and Tommy Maddox? Anyone? )

2:03 -- Nebraska finishes a textbook long, grinding drive. They used the same QB for the duration and he never got tired. Like a tractor cutting through tall grass, the Huskers would not be denied.

24-17 NU.

2:00 -- Nebraska accidentally recovered an onside kick when their short kick hit #32 for CU right in the face. Nebraska is looking to end it right here.

1:11 -- A stroke of luck! Nebraska lines up for what would be a long field goal, but the snapper flips the ball over his head to the kicker, who is awaiting the blind-pitch. A CU player intercepts it and takes it to the house for an improbable TD right before the half. Amazing play. CU managed to tie the game without taking a snap on offense for what seems like days.

24-24 tie at the half.

THIRD QUARTER

9:49 -- Nebraska took more than 5 minutes to march the length of the field and take the lead with a field goal. It feels like forever since CU was on offense. This is what you get for taunting the football Gods with blasphemous QB rotations.

27-24 NU

5:39 -- CU responds with a nice drive of its own that includes some huge third-down conversions. Sumler rumbles for another TD. Someone get that man some pancakes!

31-27 CU

1:31 -- Nebraska is marching down the field slowly again. The Buff defense has got to be spent. Nebraska now holds a 64-26 advantage in offensive snaps and a 34-12 time-of-possession advantage. Somehow, CU still leads.

FOURTH QUARTER

12:45 - 8:55 -- After a long march, Nebraska fumbles on the Buff 5. Unfortunately, CU manages four plays before punting again. I am now being restrained by Book and Fuzz. NU gets the punt and starts at the CU 25. This is asking an awful lot from a defense that has been on the field all game. Still, CU holds the Huskers to another FG.

31-30 CU (inconceivably)

8:03 -- CU gets the ball back. They have learned their lesson with alternating QBs, but they run two-straight QB draws with the one who can't run. I give up. Book says "isn't that Hansen in at QB now just to test my tolerance for rapid blood-pressure spikes. "No, I guess that's still Cody... I wonder why they ran it with him twice. Oh well." That was mean.

An improbable third-and-long conversion prompts Book to state that the Buffs have entered the "twilight zone" where everything goes right for them. I stare a hole through him.

4:43 -- CU punts and Nebraska will have another shot at winning the game against a CU defense as punch drunk as Gerry Cooney in a 1980s title fight. This should be nerve-wracking. (On a side note, the announcer just said that Nebraska needs a point to tie. Chew on that one for awhile).

2:28 -- After Nebraska gutted CU's defense to get into easy scoring range, CU comes up with an improbable sack at the CU 40, setting up a fourth-and-twenty-five with the game on the line. Looks like CU holds on. At this point, Book decides to say we should do this every year since it's a good luck charm now that CU has won.

1:43 -- A Nebraska fan shouts "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" as the kicker lines up for a 57-yard field goal. The 57-yarder goes through with about 4 yards to spare and Jackson's erupts. I again stare a hole through Book. I then beat him over the head with my chair... in my mind.

Fuzz then intentionally piles on by pointing out that CU has avoided turnovers to this point.

33-31 NU

1:24 -- Another tipped pass is picked off and, this time, returned for a TD. Fuzz is now very proud of himself and takes full credit for the pick-6. It's deserved. I am now thinking of beating the riding mower traffic out of the establishment. The mass-clicking of overalls into place signals the coming rush for the door.

40-31 NU FINAL

Just for the record, I think there is NO WAY FSU (Book's favorite team) could EVER give up 70 points to Florida. How's that for a reverse jinx?

Well, at least I didn't get trampled at the mall by crazy Black Friday shoppers. Rather, I subjected myself to a herd of Buffalo trampling my heart.

A Special Thanks

2008-11-27T06:56:00.000-08:00

On this Thanksgiving, I would like to give a special thanks to my Grandmother, D. Ruth McCarthy (seen above at he introduction to Jacob).

She is on our minds today because this will surely be her final Thanksgiving if not her final days. She has been battling a rather aggressive cancer for the past nine months and her days have turned, unfortunately, less and less comfortable.

She and my mom have always been the most sweet and loving people I've known in my life. She has 6 children, 14 grandchildren and 20 great-grandchildren, and she has made a positive, loving and meaningful impact on all 40 of us. She exudes a caring spirit dispenses only sage advice and unconditional love.

It was just a few months ago that she saw my office for the first time. My mom brought grandma over on a whim. I happened do be free at the time and was delighted to have her see my office. I was very moved by how much it meant to her to see my office. She smiled joyfully and clasped her hands in front of her as she gazed around. She still has a talent for making us all feel special.

Last weekend, while we were on our way to do some Christmas shopping, Jacob voiced his preference from the back seat. "Go see gramma Roo-s?" he asked. We altered our course and had a nice visit. It appears that Jacob was on to something because that day was one of the very few comfortable days she has had since. As we said our good-byes, Jacob offered his head to her for a good-bye kiss.

We are all just so grateful to have her influence, her love and her support in our lives. She will be in our thoughts and the focus of our thanks on this Thanksgiving.

Me and Grandma on Turkey Day a few years ago.

Moving On

2008-11-11T20:35:00.001-08:00

Now that the election is over, I can finally focus my attention and passions on other things. After a few days of withdrawal from national polls and the horse-race of daily election news, I've decided to take inventory of what I have to look forward to in the post-election world.

It's almost like I've been away for a few months. My focus now turns to my wonderful little family, hobbies that were placed on the back burner and to the long-term project that inspired this blog.

I have always made time for Jacob and that won't change. However, now that Saturdays and Thursday evenings are open once again, I will enjoy more of my off-time with my special little guy. We've been playing a lot lately, and I have been reading to him more.

I look forward to reclaiming Saturday as our day together. Until canvassing took most of my Saturdays, that was our day to visit family, go on errands and just do things together to give Jen a break. He has noticed my enhanced availability already, which is nice.

As for hobbies, I am back to the book challenge just in time. I am now past the half-way point of "Bearing the Cross." After that book, I will then try to plow through "Angels and Demons," "Da Vinci Code" and "The World Without Us" before the new year. I managed to go from way ahead of pace to barely on pace to finish during the campaign push.

I missed my non-political reading, and jumping back into it has been great.

Finally, I'm starting to consider focusing my efforts toward organizing the thoughts I have thus-far expressed and shaping future posts to create a book, as was my original intention for the blog.

Now that I have something from which to draw, I think it'll be easier. I welcome all ideas or discussion topics.

Euphoria

2008-11-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

Check out the 3:19 mark of this one.

Check out the 1:04 mark.

Reaction at Dr. King's Atlanta church.

YES!!!!

2008-11-04T21:50:00.000-08:00

I volunteered all day today. My day started at 4:45 a.m. and ended after the polls closed. I can't stop watching history tonight and I'm not even tired.

I am just so happy that this has happened. I chose to watch the returns with my family. Specifically, I wanted to watch with Jacob because I think he has such a stake in the future.

I have so many thoughts, but I'll just boil them down to a select few. First, I can't help but think that the paradigm of an entire generation has shifted. No one will ever be able to convince any young child of today that race matters a hill of beans when measuring ability. It just won't happen. They will always be able to remember when a black man was elected president. I cannot think of a better or more healing tonic for racial relations in the future.

I have never felt like I owned a piece of a campaign like this before. Our Loveland team worked hard all day and impressed me with its real passion. Anyone who doubts this was a grass-roots effort didn't see the campaign office buzz on any given night, work night or not.

Finally, I just want to say...

YES!!!!!

A phone call from Barack

2008-11-01T21:17:00.001-07:00

Tonight, I was on a conference call with Barack Obama.

My Loveland team was one of thousands of neighborhood teams from across the nation to be in on a call from Senator Obama so he could express his thanks (live) and give us all a pep talk for the final stretch.

We are in full Get Out The Vote (GOTV) mode for the campaign nationwide and we've been putting in long hours. Today was an especially tough day for me because I was scheduled for the whole day and happen to be sick. The shifts are busy, but between-shift time can lull. We all did our jobs and talked as usual about the things that inspire us to give of our time.

We had a successful day from our staging location and we surpassed our goals. Our volunteers are always energetic, but I think we were all feeling the strains of the final push. Then, toward the end of the final shift, I got the call from our field organizers that we could call in to hear live from Senator Obama himself.

Our whole operation stopped when I was overheard saying into my phone, "You mean, WE get to talk to Barack Obama?!?!?" She gave us the call-in number and our office re-energized.

We set up a speakerphone and called in promptly 15 minutes early. Campaign manager David Plouffe came on and dazzled us with statistics. He said our organization was unprecedented in American political history and that what we are doing has surpassed theory and become an enormous reality. Then, he proved it with numbers.

13.3 million direct contacts with registered voters (contacts... not calls made or doors knocked, but actual human contacts);
1.9 million new voters registered (folks, tell me how that isn't the election right there?);
Well over 1 million GOTV shifts worked in the last 2 weeks;
A new 500,000-voter registration drive in North Carolina alone (NC previously had more Republicans registered than Dems);
A new 25,000-voter registration advantage in Colorado;

These are just a few of the statistics that amazed us.

Senator Obama took the call just after landing in Missouri and moments before speaking at a Rally in Springfield, MO. He started by saying "I am proud of all of you," and calling us the "lifeblood of the operation." He credited us with helping turn states blue that haven't been that way in decades.

He said we've "stunned the country" with our efforts and our ground game and encouraged us to push through because "we can't let history slip through our hands."

Clearly, the man is inspiring, and he rallied the troops. We are all re-energized for the final push and we are ready to celebrate together after another long, but fulfilling, day of volunteering on Tuesday night.

The Final Countdown

2008-10-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

I actually look forward to November 5, 2008. One way or the other, the election will be over (hopefully), and my life will go back to normal. This will be one less thing to juggle.

Election years are always a bit prickly. Even more so when you are involved deeply in a campaign. We all tend to lose our objectivity a little, but the beliefs are genuinely held. I know I've gotten into my share of arguments, especially over the dangerous and misleading e-mails circulating. My policy has been to respond to every one I receive and I have done so. But, once the election is over, it's time to rally together.

I will be volunteering on Saturday and again on Election Day. After that, it will all be over. So I asked myself, what do I want to do when it's over? My routine will be all out of whack, that's for sure. No more obsessive checking of polls, political talk shows or review of new advertisements hitting the airwaves.

I am very happy to have been involved in the political process and I would make the same decision all over again. If Obama loses, I will never do this again, but it's been great to be a small volunteer part of a large operation.

My time is going to include a LOT more Jen and Jacob time. I will get back on my 24-book challenge pace (still working on "Bearing the Cross"). Blood pressure will return to normal. Most important, I will be able to devote more time to my family, both immediate and removed.

Most important, however, will be the latter. I must tend to some family matters. My mom had both of her knees replaced, which has already proven to be a blessing for her. It was a very difficult surgery and the rehab will continue for the foreseeable future. We have all been trying our best to help her, and we will continue to do so. Now that the worst is over, it has been great to watch her mobility improve and her spirits rise.

My grandmother has also been very sick. She is in the fight of her life and we are all very worried about her.

All of these family issues are ultimately most important. The juggling has not been easy, so I will be glad when the election is over. But, I'm sure I will also miss the distraction it has given me.

I think my next long post may have to be about the surreal experience of turning from a visitor at my own family reunions while living on the other side of the nation to being intimately involved in family goings-on and crisis management. It's been a paradigm shift without a clutch.

Any thoughts or prayers for my grandmother and my mother are appreciated.

Ants Marching

2008-10-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/10/20/mccain-camp-looking-for-way-to-win-without-colorado/#more-25677

The article I linked here states as follows:

While Iowa, New Mexico and Colorado are still officially listed as McCain target states, two top strategists and advisers tell CNN that the situation in those states looks increasingly bleak. Iowa and New Mexico always have been viewed as difficult races, but the similar assessment of Colorado reflects a dramatic shift for a campaign that had long counted on the state.

"Gone," was the word one top McCain insider used to describe those three states.

This source said while the polls in Colorado remain close, he and most others in the operation were of the opinion that the Obama campaign and its allies have a far superior ground/turnout operation and "most of us have a hard time counting on Colorado." (emphasis added)

The Fuzz, Baggs and I have been knocking on doors, making phone calls and generally pushing the Colorado campaign by taking our places in the long line of ants marching for change all across the state. Indeed, the Obama campaign has ants like us marching all across the country.

We are enthusiastic, motivated, energized and we can FEEL it. Reading this article made me smile today because when enough of us little ants combine forces, we can move mountains.

This article represented acknowledgment by the McCain campaign that our efforts have been effective. We have made a difference.

Now, more than 3 million individuals have contributed an average of $86.00 each to produce the most formidable campaign treasure chest in US political history. That treasure has been matched by sweat and shoe-leather to produce a grass-roots movement to the White House.

Still, this is no time to let up. I will be canvassing each weekend and working the entire day as a staging location coordinator on election day. We will not be denied!