Death Penalty Thoughts

I have been reading about a brewing national discussion about the death penalty. I am sure the penalty is here to stay, but this topic will always crop up for debate.

I've always held a pretty strong position against the death penalty. I figure now is as good a time as any to explain why.

Three considerations led me to my position. First, I do not feel that anything is accomplished by the killing of a person and do not believe it deters as proponents say. Second, it is abundantly clear today, with the help of DNA evidence, that many innocent people have been executed. Finally, because I do not believe that intentional killing is morally right out of vengeance, I do not consent to it being done in my name (via representative government).

While in law school, we heard a speech by a man who was on death row for 17 years before he was exonerated by his final available appeal. He now tours the nation telling his story and I very much regret that I do not remember his name. His discussion about coming to terms with his seemingly-inevitable death for a crime he did not commit really hit me.

When released, he was given the clothes he came in with and enough cab fare to get him to wherever he could go. While it is true that a life sentence may have led to his eventual release as well, his description of being a "dead man walking" was chilling.

Our speaker did not change my thinking, but his story reinforced my reasons for believing as I do.

WHAT RESULT?

I have heard the arguments about deterrence, and I just don't buy its usefulness or its substance. I heard once that our nation is the only democratic country that sanctions the death penalty. Yet, we are also among the leaders in violent crimes committed.

When it comes to murder, I struggle to imagine anyone determined enough to commit murder will really weigh possible execution in his or her mind. For very violent crimes, I'm unconvinced that consequences are ever factored into the thought process. Maybe that's a consideration I will never understand because I've never killed before. Still, I struggle to conclude the thought even enters the brain.

Once committed, however, the act of execution literally solves nothing. As to the thought that families take comfort in the execution of the criminal; that thought makes me shudder.

Such accommodation of vengeance only encourages people to indulge in anger.

Execution also makes impossible the eventual rehabilitation of a person, thus precluding any possible unforeseen good to come from a horrible situation. I realize rehabilitation is often not possible, but it is also not impossible.

ARE WE SURE?

The fact that hundreds of innocent people have been executed stands by itself. Humans are too fallible to be so certain as to inflict so final a punishment. If we believe in protecting the innocent, then we should never execute. Simply stated, that's the only way to insure no innocents are murdered by us all. Which leads me to...

UNDIGNIFIED

A politician once said that the death penalty is "beneath the dignity of our elected government." It is therefore also beneath the dignity of us all.

Representative government acts on behalf of us all. Therefore, in essence, the lethal injection is given by all of our hands.

The phrase "thou shalt not kill" has been amended in the minds of generations in innumerable ways. Self defense. Justified war. Protection of family. The applicability of any of those have been debated passionately. However, I do not consider vengeance, punishment or retribution to be among those debatable excuses for the taking of life.

For what it's worth, I do not wish anyone to execute a criminal on my behalf. By doing so with the sanction of law, that happens anyway. And, I don't have to like that.

Preschool Update

Jacob has now finished two successful weeks of preschool.

His first week started rough, which led to a decision to start him on half-days. Actually, the only rough day was Monday and, as we discovered, it was really only a rough hour. When I picked him up on Monday, he seemed happy and comfortable. The rest of his first week went very well.

His second week started on Tuesday because he was sick on Monday and we kept him home. We agreed to stay with half-days, but he stayed through lunch rather than to lunch. Although he began to resist going to school very strongly at home, he established a pattern of quiet acceptance and no longer cried at the gate.

By Thursday of week two, all fit-throwing ended and his comfort and happiness at the school and with teachers and other children improved each day.

Next week begins full days. Also, he will now arrive without pull-up diapers. He was not wet one time in his two full weeks (something that did not surprise us). Now that he has shown his discipline on toilet training, the school will allow him to shed the diapers. He has been trained for a long time here at home. In all honestly, we were worried their insistence on diapers would cause regression. We are so happy it did not.

We are very pleased with how this has developed. We were told at the beginning that we could expect to see him focus more at home because of the self-directed learning taught at the school, and that is absolutely correct. He has always had an intense focus, but he now will literally spend hours building bridges, roads or whatever else with blocks, crayons and even boxes. He has even started putting toys away on his own at home. That is very new.

Although it has been tough at times getting to this point, Jen and I are glad we stuck this out. We consider it important for him to attend preschool. Since we must have him tended to while Jen drives in to work, we insisted on it being at all-day preschool as opposed to day care.

Of course, our first option was what we've always done, but Jacob's new experiences will provide him something different and something we could not have provided. As an example, Jacob has already made his very first friend without influence from his parents.

April Fools?

Today is tax day.

I encountered traffic while driving home. The causes? 1) Maybe tens of people were at a major intersection protesting various things from the idea of global warming to taxes and big government; and 2) I drove past the post office and its backlog of cars trying to file tax returns.

I had heard of this tea-party thing on the news, but it seemed kinda worthless to me in light of its complete lack of constructive ideas beyond grumpiness.

I have seen the urgings to send a teabag to your representative in a cute tip of the hat to the Boston Tea Party even though all taxation now comes from representation. Ironically, today was the day I was reminded that taxes have gone down.

That's right, my taxes have gone down. In fact, I was approached at work with my re-worked withholding because of the "Obama thing" so that I will literally have more money from my paychecks thanks to the stimulus plan. Which got me to wondering... What exactly were these folks protesting?

Should I take my cue from the signs? That's a start. What did those say? Well, I only saw a few because I was driving, but here they are:

"Man Made Global Warming is a HOAX" -- Hmmmm... Scientists don't agree with that one. I think the argument that "pumping billions of tons of carbon into the air has no effect" seems a bit weak. As for it being an actual hoax? Seems like crazy talk to me. She could have just saved some ink and written "I AM A FOOL." An April Fool at that!

"Save our Constitution" -- Bold. Direct. No ambiguity about that one. Unless you wonder from what our Constitution is to be saved. Then, it's really just a big ball of confusion. Can't be from taxes because 1) our constitution allows income tax and 2) our taxes have just decreased to stimulate the economy. Maybe it should be saved from a tax rate that's too low? Maybe this man was worried about not funding our needs as a society by failing to raise necessary funds.

Should we save it from our elected officials? I mean, they are ELECTED, you know and that isn't... wait... nevermind. Honestly, I could guess all day. I'm going to conclude that he wants our Constitution saved from the ravages of age and deterioration. I mean, it's old paper, so it could just turn to dust.

"Congress Kiss My Ass" -- Really, this says it all. Between this sign and the teabag campaign, I'm not sure whether these folks are angry or just really kinky.

"If you aren't outraged, you aren't a taxpayer" -- As someone who is a taxpayer without outrage, I take offense to this one. There, now I'm outraged. I'd be more angry if nothing were being done. Actually, you know what? I had my turn for outrage. Hey folks, it's your turn to be outraged! Knock yourselves out.

"Big Government Equals Smaller Liberty" -- No one seemed to care about this when the Patriot Act was passed. Seems a bit simplistic.

Various signs with the words "tyranny and socialist" -- Sigh. It's like the school yard all over again.

Let me repeat, TAXES HAVE BEEN LOWERED. I realize that the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy won't be renewed in 2011 or whenever that comes up for renewal, but that won't affect anyone I know because I don't have extremely rich friends who make more than a quarter mil. But, even the campaign promise of prematurely ending those breaks was put off to help the economy. That's called compromise.

So, if the signs don't tell me why these folks are upset, what could it be? Probably they just disagree with the philosophy of the current administration. I get that. I've had to stew for 8 years. But throwing around "socialist" and "tyranny" during the debate? To quote Jon Stewart, "I think you are confusing tyranny with losing. You're in the minority. It's supposed to taste like a sh** taco."

So what could the gripe logically be?

I guess I just don't care.

Preschool, Take II

Tomorrow will be Jacob's second attempt at beginning preschool.

When his short-lived, three-day experiment fizzled with tears and distress six months ago, we decided to try again when he turned three. This time, we decided, he would be ready.

We set up regularly-scheduled days with grandma so he would be used to being away from home. We also talked up school and showed him videos from the school's website. We even took him to the school gate after hours to discuss the upcoming school session. Finally, he is now toilet trained, so that should also help.

On Friday, he went through his second "orientation," which serves as both an introduction to the school for Jacob and a test of his temperament to determine whether he really is ready.

The last "orientation" (in September) was a nightmare. He absolutely ignored instruction from the teachers, took toys out without putting them away and even tried to eat the play-doh (the latter of which stunned us at the time because he really had gotten past putting things in his mouth at home). In retrospect, that was our fault. He had never been watched by anyone but us, and we were all of a sudden ditching him to strangers for entire days. In hindsight, not well thought out.

This time around was different. He listened to instruction, did not seem to notice that we were not in the room when the teacher pulled him aside for some instruction and even communicated effectively. We peeked in to see him pull out his "play mat," work on a puzzle, put the puzzle away and then put the mat away. He surprised even us.

This particular school is a bit on the strict side, so who knows how he will do for entire days at a time and how much staying power his attention span will have, but we are at least filled with hopes of success this time around.

And, because Jen will have to drive to work every day starting very soon, it is going to have to work this time. So, we are looking forward to Jacob's second venture into schooling.

We jokingly refer to his first go-around as his "expulsion" from school (a joke apparently only funny to me and Jen), and I have a hard time imagining success based on how terribly things went last time. Still, seeing is believing and we have managed to become optimistic. (shocking, I know).

Taking the edge off

Time is relentless. It is also a blessing and it demands contemplation. Contemplation is a natural manure for personal growth. If that means this is all BS, so be it.

Contemplation has recently led me to consider how time has eroded / improved / horribly disfigured /etc. my own temperament / happiness / outlook / etc.

Make sense? Probably not yet.

Jacob turned 3 last week. Birthdays always provide a good reason to reflect, especially about how the things we never imagined would happen to us actually do so, and do so relentlessly. Specifically, I will never get over being a dad. It'll apparently never stop being weird or "hard to believe" how big Jacob gets. Alice blogged about this and she hit the nail right on the head.


My contemplation has lately been a little more self-reflective vis-a-vis Jacob's influence.


Specifically, time / circumstances / whatever have worked to dull the edges I once enjoyed / hated / benefited from. And that's not a bad thing.

What exactly does this mean? It means that the need I once felt so deeply to excel to the highest levels has dissipated. I no longer strive for endless ascension in school / business / life / recreation. I no longer care to compete in a ruthless / attacking sense. I still try to do the very best I can in my profession and still take pride in my work, but I now have one overriding goal: Peace.

I care about spending evenings at home. I care about not being pulled in every direction. I care about doing whatever I want to with my free time.

The only change I can really point to is Jacob's birth. My duties are to him and Jen now, and it makes me feel good to be home a lot. I think this transformation was aided by waiting to have him. I managed to squeeze in a lot of living before his birth / contemplation / existence.

I made a semi-bucket list in my mind and managed to cross off enough of the "me" things that I have never felt deprived by parenthood. I finished Ride The Rockies in 2002, went to law school, spent five weeks in Germany, stood on the Normandy beaches on a June 6, visited Yellowstone, hiked in Volcano National Park in Hawaii, visited Pearl Harbor, gone to a ton of sporting events and even lived in NYC for a summer.

Honestly, I can just take a breath now.

I know I would have put Jacob first had he arrived much earlier, but I think I'd still have some of the tension that accompanied me for the first 28 years of life. I remember my father as very tightly wound when I was younger. He mellowed considerably as he got older, but I've gotten an earlier jump on him in the mellowing department.

Any new bucket list will involve Jacob. I want to take him to Disney World, Sea World, to ball games... play catch, attend school performances and hold his nose to the grindstone in school (OK, so maybe I'm still a little tightly wound).

If there is one point to be made, I guess it's that I never realized how much I would love being a father and timing has something to do with it. Someone once told me you never know when you are ready to be a parent, so you need to stop waiting for the "right" time. At the time, that comment ticked me off because that message was of the "hurry up and have a kid" variety.

I think it's a true statement on its face, but, for me, the timing could not have been more perfect. Timing differs for every set of parents, but I feel like I will be a better father for having waited.

Jacob turns 3!

Some recent pictures of our little guy as he moved from 2 to 3.

Train Set expansion.

Jacob and his Birthday presents.

BATMAN!

Playing Sims with Mommy.

Pattern Behavior

I imagine financial advice had not changed one bit from the end of WWII until September, 2008. The market goes up and it always will.

I know I heard the advice. I'm certainly not claiming to have known better, but I've always at least suspected that a certain naive comfort had set into the population as a whole. I actually remember one person rolling his eyes when I asked "doesn't the market fluctuate?" No one would ever say "no," but the smile said it all: "there's no guarantee, BUT..."

Jen and I have been told many times by various financial advisers, well-wishers and strangers alike that money would best serve us when put into the market rather than into our home. I even almost cracked a few times. In my head, I began to suspect that maybe we were missing the train by shoving extra funds into prepayments on our home. I even remember one advisor giving me a condescending smile while showing the math based on a 10% return as opposed to money "under-utilized." No one ever questioned the regular growth. At least not really.

To Jen's credit, she wouldn't let me waiver.

My point? I guess it's that pattern behavior eventually leads to trouble because its based on assumptions. Twelve percent growth per year became such a pattern for many investors that no one ever thought, "how could this continue when people are piling up the kind of debt that would give a healthy man a heart attack?" To be fair, no one has asked that until now.

I've often asked anyone in ear shot "how did everyone miss that we were heading for financial ruin? Aren't these CEOs, financial gurus, regulators and overcompensated boards of directors supposed to know what they are doing?"

I've never been one to trust the undefinable "them" anyway, but surely SOMEONE must have seen the signs. Apparently Warren Buffett gave warnings, and I'm sure others did too, but what's a warning when graphs show a generation of growth? After all, the charts I've seen indicate growth that has been almost unfettered for 80 years or more.

I remember learning through quantitative reasoning that an assertion that, "the sun will rise tomorrow because it rose yesterday" was, by definition, a fallacy. No one doubts that tomorrow will bring light, but we can't quantitatively prove it will happen. We take it on pattern and faith. One could also say physics, but we can't know if a meteor will stop tomorrow, so even that is not a certainty. 99% does not equal 100%.

So, while we try to pick up the pieces and unwind the mess we've made, I am left to wonder where we go from here? Maybe, just maybe, we hit the very limit of growth through overuse and over-extension of credit. Maybe we've grown this far ONLY because we were so willing as a people to incur so much debt.

I don't know the answer, but easy credit provides an illusion that we have more than we ever really do. And, eventually, the bill comes due and there is no where else left to turn. It ruins marriages, it strains health and it leads to the kind of bust we are now witnessing.

The only way I think we can ever prevent this kind of crisis from happening again is if recovery leads to responsible use of credit and we stop basing our lives on the fallacy that "past performance guarantees future results." How about this time we don't forget that the market fluctuates.

But, before I get ahead of myself, we need to get through this mess first. Lest I assume recovery before it happens.