Thoughts on Parenthood

Sometimes, things don't go as planned.

How does one influence a child to do the right thing? I think that's the ultimate question to ask when discussing parenting, but it could also be beside the point. Any parental theory ultimately seeks an answer to that question, but it almost doesn't matter.

After nearly two years on the parenting job, I'm not sure its possible to influence a child to do what's right. I'm also not sure its impossible. Of course, I'm still a newbie at all this, so I fall short of expert-status on the topic. I have, however, figured out that consistency is crucial and that even a toddler knows when he can get away with something and who will allow such malfeasance. Apparently we're all born with that infernal instinct.

Ultimately, I will try to teach Jacob good judgment, reasoning and logic so that he will have the tools to do that elusive "right thing." What he does with those will ultimately be for him to live with. I realize it's a bit presumptuous to think in such long-term notions before he's out of diapers, but parenting isn't supposed to be a temp job, so please allow my indulgence.

Jen and I happen to believe Jacob is a really well-behaved kid... most of the time. He impresses us with how well he listens, he knows to stop when we say so and he really seems to try to do what we say. Other times, he smiles when misbehaving...

Like This.

Jen and I discussed the learn-on-the-job nature of our new duty tonight. There is simply no way to judge our effectiveness. So, like so many, we just do what we think is right and hope for the best.

I won't get into specifics (too many passionate opinions out there for that), but I think it's fair to say we are pretty firm with Jacob. The only parents any of us learn from are our own. I think I incorporate styles from both of my parents, but I might as well be shooting craps anyway because a child's demeanor plays a roll too.

Jacob has recently begun to misbehave more often while out in public, so I thought back to how my parents handled that in my family.

My dad used to have absolutely no tolerance for public displays of emotion (i.e. screaming, crying, whimpering, or really anything but quiet). I've tried to fight being quite so sensitive to that because mom's method made us feel better. She always managed to block out any embarrassment in favor of soothing. Mom tried to make us feel better... dad just took us out of the room and explained that we either shut up or go home and (by implication) ruin everything for everyone else. I'd say we got the full spectrum.

In all honesty, my instinct is to do like my dad did. I think I manage to be somewhere in the middle, but it only works that way because I fight my instinct. That's probably because dad trained me to believe that outbursts earned the scorn and ridicule of all within earshot. I guess I can chalk that up to effectiveness. Hey, by all accounts, that worked on me. I also remember how important it was for me to feel like my feelings mattered. That's where mom came in.

To be clear, none of this is a complaint. In fact, I think the varied responses gave us varied benefits. Jen and I seem to be more in the middle, but, like I said before, there's no right answer.

Do those little lessons ultimately impact one's adulthood? It may seem crazy, but I think the way my parents handled behavior in public absolutely impacts me today (this very evening, even). I feel that twinge when Jacob cries and instinctively look around for offended patrons. At the same time, my choices have been my own and vary from those of other kids in the world.

No, pressure, though. Only anything we ever do as parents will have life-long impacts on our children as people. Or maybe not. Piece of cake!

Now, learn to share!

Book Report

Well, I finally finished The Second Civil War by Ronald Brownstein. Quite a book, although not for the faint of heart or the impatient.

It should say something that I had to read this book in pieces. I loved the book and found it extremely informative, well thought and jam packed with great information. However, it was very thick and had to be taken in doses.

While reading this book, I also read Kings of New York by Michael Weinrab, Turning of the Tide by Don Yeager, I am America (and So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert, and Hatemail from Cheerleaders by Rick Reilly before finishing this one.

Most notable, however, was that this book seems to have provided Barack Obama with his playbook for healing this nation. The cure? Speak to the masses... propose middle-ground policies... end hyperpartisanship. Check, check and check.

This book looks at the political phases of this nation from the end of the Civil War through today. Divisions have come and gone, but it is clear that the last 7 years have been the most divisive BY FAR. The 51% rule has ruled the day. That means that, even if 70% supported a bill, it was to be poisoned so that enough Democrats would be shaken off to pass with as little support from them as possible.

The result has been the poisonous atmosphere we've been living in for what seems like an eternity. The tool to make it work: Fear. I am tired of fear.

The rub? Well, have you ever lived in a scenario like that while following the losing side? In short, it's not fun. The backlash has been seen in the Democratic turnout in this election season. They can feel the victory coming. Karl Rove never thought of that part of the 51% rule. You can only jam policy down the throats of the rest of the nation for so long before you get booted from office. Unfortunately, it turns out to take 7 years for people to get tired of that.

I, for one, am so happy that the tone is changing. Obama is not trying to go from 49% to 51% and start jamming liberalism down throats (although the vengeful part of me almost wishes all those right wingers would have to swallow such a bitter pill as I have had to, it's best to unite). Instead, he's doing the right thing and uniting this country. And, quite frankly, that just feels good.

Unbelievable background and insider-type of information can be gleaned from The Second Civil War. You will see that the poisonous atmosphere was created purposefully as a political strategy aimed at a long-term conservative political monopoly. And, it worked for 7 years. When I bought the book, it looked like it would go on forever, but while reading the book, I have watched as Obama has systematically broken down our divisions before my very eyes. It has been nice to watch the cure while reading in detail the diagnosis.

And, Mr. Brownstein was right. I recommend the book to anyone who is interested in how we got here. Unfortunately for Mr. Brownstein, I think most people are just happy to live in this moment of healing and reconciliation and just don't want to think about it anymore.

In fact, I think that's also why I took so long to read it.

New Pictures

First off, a great link... This video includes the best line in a speech I've just about ever heard.... "We are the ones we've been waiting for."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3EWLeKGI0ro

Now, on to the pictures....

Go Nuggets!

Mommy and Baby

Favorite blankie

At Chuck E Cheese's

Climbing dad's bike

Obama What a Day!

On a whim, my buddy Baggs and I decided to take a half-day off of work to make the trip to see Barack Obama speak in Denver. We weren't sure if it would help or not, but we registered electronic RSVPs (it would help a TON, as you can see by the pix I took). Without those free e-notification tickets, we likely wouldn't have gotten in.

I woke up at 4:30 a.m. this morning. I arrived at Baggs' apartment at 5:40 a.m., and we rushed to beat Tech-Center traffic. By 6:15, we were at a Denver coffee shop not far from Magness Arena.

Unfortunately for our schedule, we began to talk politics at the coffee shop and ended up arriving at Magness Arena at 7:15. Keep in mind that doors for the event opened at 8:30. If it wasn't for the fact that we had our RSVP printouts, we would have been in a line I could best describe as a small town. The stairway was labeled "RSVP Line" and "NO RSVP Line." The RSVP line seemed to morph into the other line, so Baggs and I just jumped in at the bend of the line figuring it was as good a place as any.

Thanks to the RSVP line, Baggs and I were among the first thousand or so in the building. We quickly decided to park ourselves as close to the lecturn as possible. We were about 30 feet from where Obama would speak.

Because security was so tight, the arena filled very slowly, but 10,000 got in. We were told that thousands were being placed in "overflow" gyms and that many thousands more were stuck waiting outside. Barack then spoke to many waiting outside and then to those in the overflow gyms. Meanwhile, we waited.

Finally, at 11:00, the first speaker, Denver Bronco Rod Smith, explained how unusual it was for him to speak out and nervously expressed how Obama inspired him. Next, Caroline Kennedy (daughter of JFK), spoke further about inspiration and introduced the man of the year in Presidential politics.

I think it is important to note that everyone I know who has decided to support Barack Obama sounds just like those two speakers. Inspiration and unity are always mentioned. You could see it in the audience. Obama supporters consist of the following: young, old, black, white, latino, clean-cut, casually dressed, slovenly dressed, long-haired, short-haired, young minorities, senior minorities, young whites, senior whites, and everything in between. We saw it all.

At an Obama rally, it's clear that his appeal is broad.

Then he spoke. Obama lifted the crowd. His presence is amazing, but he is completely under control. I wanted to see the fire in his eyes, and it was there without bravado or arrogance. He speaks with the passion of a man who believes deeply every word, but appears calm and cool.

The people chanted "Yes We Can" while in line outside the arena, performed "the Wave" while waiting inside, and chanted everything from "Fired Up, Ready to Go," to "O-Bam-A" to "Obama '08" while the arena slowly filled. But, when he finally spoke, the energy vibrated.

My feet left the floor at that time, and I've been stuck with my head in the clouds the rest of the day. This man moves people.

Baggs immediately decided he will volunteer and openly recruit. To paraphrase Baggs after the event, "I came in feeling good about both Democratic candidates, but I come out of this feeling like we must do everything possible to get this man elected." I also pledged to volunteer.

What can I say, this message is powerful. As I saw at the event, something special is happening with this campaign.

Unfortunately, my look at the media shows that the only parts being covered are a few typical campaign swipes Obama took at Clinton now that this is a two-horse race with Edwards out. What they missed was a moving speech about important issues like the environment, foreign policy, healthcare, education, fiscal responsibility and on and on.

But, the media didn't miss the energy and enthusiasm for this candidate. No one could miss that. We both noticed that you "can feel it" even when the crowds were in the distance.

After experiencing this event, my new, and only, attitude about this campaign can be summed up by tousands of people who can't miss what's happening to politics: YES WE CAN!!

Dreaming

I spent most of my childhood, and therefore most of my basic schooling, in Virginia.

I have discovered that region dictates what you learn in school. I learned mostly about Thomas Jefferson, the founding fathers and the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Those who know me know that I have a strong interest in the founding fathers. But only Dr. King holds a place in my heart.

He did more than anyone else to fill the hole left by the founders by demanding application of their principles to the entire population.

Virginia may not have been the front line in the war against segregation (that distinction belongs to the deep South), but it's large black population translated to a heavy dose of information about Dr. King during my schooling. I am thankful for that. I had seen video of speeches of his dating back to elementary school. Those speeches mesmerized me as a kid.

When I watch them today, they almost bring me to tears. I posted a few videos of Dr. King speaking to the left of this post. One of them (the only one displayed in color) was given the day before his murder. If you listen to the speech, you can tell that he must have known what was coming.

Do yourself a favor and give Dr. King a listen. It's good for the soul.

As for the state of affairs on Dr. King's birthday in 2008... I think Dr. King would recognize progress as well as the some of the same old problems. We've made obvious strides as a people, but certain events shine a light in the darkened corners. Events such as a minority candidate who makes a real run at power.

I think Dr. King would be proud that a black man is making a strong bid for the White House. Indeed, that Obama has gotten this far speaks to progress. I also think it would not surprise him at all that the nation is now discussing the increased likelihood of assassination of that candidate. It would not surprise him that poll numbers are more difficult to track when the candidate is black because the voting booth allows true feelings without scrutiny.

I began thinking of this issue when the Denver Post ran a story about Barack Obama and the Southern vote. A customer at a Tennessee store said the only thing he was sure of is that he would not vote for Obama. "It's regional, you might say," he said. A life-long and devoted Democrat in South Carolina said Obama's middle name (Hussein) might as well be Hitler. To me, such an argument smacks of someone looking for a reason. Even some black citizens seemed resigned to the electoral fate of a black man. The feel of the article was, "it was a nice run, but... we all know this won't happen."

Not even Hillary Clinton (a woman), Mitt Romney (a Mormon), Mike Huckabee (a Baptist Minister) or Rudy Giuliani (a lunatic) face such questions about the nation's basic acceptance of them in office. They face some, to be sure, but not many have watched assassination probability become part of the discussion.

I still choose hope. I still have faith in the dream. It's difficult sometimes to maintain that hope and I'm not sure what the American people will do. I just know that the fact these issues are being so widely discussed cannot be good news for Obama.

I support Barack Obama because he is the best man for this job, because his proposals make sense, because he will be a unifier, and because our country needs what he brings to this election.
Still, my political discussions with others ultimately and eventually always turn to whether a black man could be elected. As those discussions increase, and Obama's opponents climb back into the race, there is temptation to feel like maybe too many still only look skin deep.

I hope not. I pray not. I still choose hope and the message Obama brings. I hope any defeat he may face will come because of merit. I also hope his success will be purely merit-based. The problem is that we can never be too sure.

After all, this great man who preached non-violence was sent to jail and later murdered.

Oh, Canada ...

I read today that a Canadian manual given to Canadian diplomats includes the United States as a nation that tortures. It would be irresponsible for that manual to read any other way.

Specifically, it alerts the diplomats that, when visiting Canadians being held by those countries, the diplomat should be on the lookout for signs of torture. The listing of America on that list was not done for political reasons, but to alert the diplomats to the very real possibility that America may be torturing those we hold captive. For the protection of any nation's citizens, its diplomats must be aware of those realities.

I have also discovered while searching the various news sources that at least two Canadian citizens are currently being held by the US. So, the manual in question is currently relevant.

One of them is being held in Guantanamo Bay - the facility that has become the symbol of our country's morality crisis. Did I mention that this prisoner was 15 years old when taken into custody? Our government claims he was not tortured. That young man's lawyer claims he was. Who can be sure, you might ask? Allow me to break it down for you.

1) Many in the administration have claimed what can generously be called an "expansive" definition of what constitutes "torture;"

2) We have refused to allow the Red Cross or other humanitarian organizations to inspect Guantanamo or other such facilities;

3) America undeniably got caught in the act in Iraq (seen any interesting pictures lately?);

4) Video tapes of waterboarding have been destroyed;

5) Our former Attorney General actually wrote a legal brief calling the Geneva Convention "quaint" and arguing that the president was not bound by it;

6) His successor would not call waterboarding torture during confirmation hearings.

Would YOU believe us?

Simply put, this country has EARNED the suspicion of the world. We are now on a list that includes countries like Iran and Syria. Other countries have now concluded that we are to be dealt with diplomatically as if terrorists ourselves.

This is something about which we should all feel shame.


As I have stated before, I cannot believe we are even debating this issue in this country. Look around you! Look at the company we have chosen to keep by engaging in immoral behavior! We are in the mud with Iran, the very nation we claim is so brutal!

The overly-patriotic in this country scoff whenever other Western (read: like minded) nations are used for comparison. But, on this issue, Europe is right. At one time, we were right along with them. We were even a leader in morality. This issue was once settled - By us and the rest of the civilized planet.

Now, even though generations of Americans have proudly stood against torture in an effort to use our morality as our greatest argument, our current leadership has managed to talk itself out of what should be as obvious as gravity. We are now the ONLY Western (so called "civilized") nation that defends torture.

And, finally, other nations have decided to officially recognize that and conduct themselves accordingly.

This is why folks like Colin Powell have said we need to shut down Guantanamo "today," and why so many in the military, among our populous, in our government, in Europe and indeed around the globe have said torture is a horrible thing to do.

We do it. We even had it on video tape. We allegedly have more on video tape. Those were destroyed by this man's administration:


368 days left.

Dare to Hope

I have made a decision. And, I haven't felt this good about a decision in a long time. I have decided to support a candidate of hope. Indeed, the only candidate preaching optimism, cooperation and hope. I will support Barack Obama because he is the right man for the job.

Not long ago, Book and I discussed politics at a Tuesday coffee night. That day, I had read an article in which Bush decided to veto a bill that would adopt the military's definition of torture into the CIA. Those standards would have forbade water-boarding, electrocution, beatings, sexual abuse, use of dogs and mock executions among other techniques the military has already condemned.

I asked Book that night, "who are we?" I really wanted to know that answer. Who are we as Americans? Are we torturers? Are we brutal? What do we believe? Do we care for each other?

Well, the 2008 election is when Americans will decide who we are from this point forward. And, I believe we should choose hope and optimism for the future by electing Barack Obama as our next president.

I am still reading "The Second Civil War" and my belief in the merits of compromise, bipartisanship and representation for Americans of all beliefs continues to deepen. I am learning that it was compromise that made Roosevelt, Reagan, Clinton and some select other presidents effective. It was the lack of compromise that doomed Wilson, Carter and W. Bush.

I have stated on these pages that I have felt unrepresented by my government for far too long. But, I believe Barack Obama will make ALL Americans feel like their voices will be heard. You can listen to his Iowa victory speech right here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=yqoFwZUp5vc

I implore you to listen to Mr. Obama. He will explain that he is trying to unite. That there are no Red or Blue States, but United States! Just listen to him. I would challenge anyone not to be inspired.

That is a refreshing message. He speaks with conviction, but not just for show. You can tell that he believes what he says. There is passion, and fire.

I spent much of my Holiday vacation researching the candidates. I had decided to pick a candidate before the Iowa Caucuses. I read web pages, found speeches on youtube and paid close attention to the newspapers. It was clear that one candidate stood above the rest. His subsequent victory was a welcome surprise and a validation of his message.

You can see that broad appeal for yourself at ganglylove.blogspot.com, where my long-time buddy and long-time Republican Chris actually caucused for Obama. See that link here: http://ganglylove.blogspot.com/2008/01/iowa-caucus.html.

I about fell over when I saw that Chris, of all people, beat me to the punch on public declaration of support for Barack Obama. But, that is exactly what I love about Obama. He appeals to ALL Americans. He can make conservatives feel welcome as well as liberals. We NEED that.

He won't run a campaign based on fear, but on hope. I believe that, when presented as an alternative to negative or fearful campaigns, the people will move toward the one who uplifts them.

At least one person I talked to today felt he had heard the next president of the United States speak. If you listen to Obama speak, you will see that he has what some call the "undefinable IT" or "the Gift."

The only concern I have - and this is not a concern about Barack Obama - is that many people in this country will not vote for a black candidate. Certainly, Obama is smart, bright, inspiring and everything good in politics. But, what people think when they are alone in a voting booth - away from the scrutiny of a public that shames stereotypes or racists beliefs - one can never say how some will vote.

With that in mind, I choose hope. I believe Obama is the candidate who will assuage fears and overcome preconceptions. I choose hope! And, I believe our country is capable of finding the best candidate. And his name is Barack Obama.