Friday, November 23, 2007

Black Friday

Oh Yeah! It's time for the first installment of duelling running-diaries with Bookie Q. Santa. Don't worry, I don't gamble, but if you ever saw Book with a santa hat on and a stogie in his hand, you'd know that the name fits. You can see his version of these events at his blog under Links "By the Book."

We decided to each try to keep a running diary of our experience watching the Colorado-Nebraska football game at Old Chicago's. Unfortunately, there's a lot of Cubs merchandise on the walls, which doesn't help karma... without further delay...

10:05- The waiter sees my CU hat and says, "You're going into the lion's den." I look up and see a sea of Red ready to watch the game. Not too worried this year, though, because by just walking into that den, I became the 10th back this season to rush for 200 yards on the Cornhuskers. Time to rumble.

10:12- Eric Cartman introduces the CU team for ABC and makes hippie jokes. That's still better than having Larry the Cable Guy like Nebraska had against USC. Both are funny, but Cartman isn't a redneck. Advantage: CU.

(In a related note, one of the Nebraska defensive players goes by "Big Sexy." Do you think if Larry the Cable guy is booked next year they should just cut to the chase and call legendary wrestler Hillbilly Jim? Tim Allen? Cletus from the Simpsons?)

10:24- 7-3 Nebraska after a Joe Ganz TD run. Book roots for CU, but leaves me to cheer openly alone. He picks his spots.

10:30- CU finally starts running the ball and Hugh Charles breaks a long one, prompting the Nebraska fan sitting behind me to glare and say "Bastards." Like CU wouldn't have figured out you can run on them eventually. That 'N' stands for Nowledge.

Meanwhile, Bookie mentions that someone has 69 yards rushing and we giggle. Welcome to our world, folks!

10:41- I observe that with white pants and white shirts, the Nebraska defense now not only plays like marshmellows, they look the part, too... I'm now semi-openly goading the Nebraska fans.

10:45- Dusty Sprague runs the slowest reverse that gains yardage in college football history. Nice to see Hawk decided to "refine" that annoying habit of running reverses by doing it with the slowest wideout on the roster. This only works against Nebraska. 17-7 CU

11:20- While showing a stat about a CU player from Alabaster, Alabama, one of the commentators says, "Alabaster Alabama is not much like Boulder, Colorado." That's why he makes the big bucks! Way to go out on a limb. In a related note, NBA players would rather play in Miami than Utah.

11:31- CU goes cold. Damnit. Nebraska takes a 21-17 lead. As a bonus, however, a commercial featuring Bookie's college football nemesis Steve Spurrier (the Old Ball Coach), leads to this exchange:

Me: Hey, look, it's Steve Spurrier!

Bookie: Damnit, FSU is going to lose to Florida, then to the Old Ball Coach in a crappy bowl game.

Me: Are you in pain?

Bookie: (Glares).

I'm feeling better now, but the Husker faithful are venturing into optimism, but they remain cautious. This is new to me. Those folks don't seem as confident as usual. Thank you Bill Callahan, I'll miss you.

11:35- I remember when Nebraska fans took pride in pounding the football. Now, because they are new to throwing the football, they have been reduced to whining for pass interference calls whenever it would be helpful. That gets old quick.

11:42- 28-17 Nebraska. This feels like it's slipping away. Maybe I started goading too early. Bookie is stoic.

11:50- TD CU... it's 28-24 and we're back in business. Seems like 1:34 is a lot of time considering how those Huskers are moving the ball.

11:55- 35-24 at the half. Sigh.

12:12- John Saunders just says that the slew of upsets just goes to show that there is no need for a college football playoff "because the whole season is a playoff." I think he has a roomful of Tostitos waiting for him in his room back at the hotel. Maybe a free Nokia phone, too. In short, he's officially on the BCS payroll. And, the only man with that opinion in America.

12:30- PICK 6! CU picks off Joe Ganz and takes it in for the score. 35-31 Nebraska. The Buffs keep reeling me back in.

By the way, I'm torn on Callahan as NU coach. On one hand, I love watching Nebraska stink. On the other hand, he keeps beating CU. I babble about nonsense when the game isn't going my way.

12:36- Another INT. Dusty Sprague duplicates the slowest end-around in college history. It's like Blake Ezor had a reincarnation of his football career!

12:40- The Buffs score to take the lead. 38-35 Buffs. I just realized Shawn Watson (former CU O-coordinator) is now the O-coordinator for Nebraska. Traitor! He never called plays this well while in B-town.

12:46- Momentum is turning fast and furious. Blocked punt by CU!

12:51- Hugh Charles makes the score 44-35 (missed XP). I have decided that the gangly bearded guy on the Allstate Commercials is best represented by my buddy Chris. Good to see Gangles the Rodeo Clown getting endorsements.

1:00- The TV commentators just compared Callahan's first four years to those of Bill McCartney back in the day. Huh!?!?! McCartney took over a dead program. This sets me off on a number of loud proclamations that Bill needs at least 4 more years to turn this around! Just like Alberto Gonzales, he deserves as much time as possible to fix the trainwreck he caused. Nebraska's a red state, right? That logic might work, right? No need to fire him, right? (Please don't fire him!)

1:07- Bookie and I just discussed the possibility of a West Virginia v. Kansas BCS title game. Bookie asks how many tractors one stadium can accomodate. We might find out this year!

1:14- TD CU. 52-35... The Husker faithful are turning into the Husker frustrated. This is a new feeling and I could get used to it. (Chanting) Keep Your Coach! Keep Your Coach!

1:20- CU linebacker coach Brian Cabral is wearing a traditional Hawaiian... um... dress-like thing. Hey, I call it how I see it and I don't know the proper term.

1:30- 58-35. CU needs to hang 60 on them.

1:50- Bookie convinces me not to chant "keep your coach." How's this for a fact: My sports conscience is named Bookie. Better to win with class while the Huskers are down. I can still enjoy this, though. 58-43.

2:00- the Network prematurely cut away from the action and we miss the final CU score. Nebraska scores another junk-time TD and the final is 65-51.

That was fun.