As the new year dawns, I realize that there is almost nothing I really want to change. Yet, like everyone, I will probably make a list of resolutions.
Resolutions are good at "sharpening the saw" and encourage "re dedication" to positive habits that have waned. I'm all for resolutions and no one in the world has attained perfection.
This New Year, however, has me focused on attempts to understand our species. What began as an elaborate attempt to learn about human behavior for a short story has turned into an obsession. I can't stop trying to learn about the rationality employed by people. I'm now getting a second wind on writing, but my study is nowhere close to done.
I recently was exposed to behavior that shocked my conscience, and, as a result, intensified my curiosity. The thought process that followed led to a hashing-out of my concept of truth. I have settled on a "modern" view for now. Allow me to explain.
I was introduced to a situation involving a mother who gave birth to a child while high on meth - and thus imposing upon that child the most uncertain and difficult of futures. My introduction into the scene was on the periphery and I do not really know any of the people involved, but it brought back memories of a similar case I argued and set my mind aflutter.
For reasons I cannot explain, I have never needed to learn the hard way. That is not to say I always learn easily, gracefully or with any special aptitude. I just don't tend to dabble in areas clearly shown to be dangerous. It may be from over-caution; from adept parenting provided to me; or it may be out of cowardice, but I have never flirted with rock bottom. I have never tried any illegal drug, I never picked up smoking, and I do not drink regularly or to excess. Heck, I haven't even gotten a speeding ticket since college and I will do anything possible to avoid snow driving. I guess I play the odds.
I am certain that none of my choices come from any personal superiority, and that is why I have a deep fascination with those who make terrible decisions in life and how that reflects upon greater truths. I always wonder what drives those decisions.
Is it a chemical or biological urge that comes from DNA? Does upbringing overpower nature? More specifically, would someone of my own temperament submit to the pressures if placed in a specific environment? I am sure the answer would be so variable as to be no better than a shrug. All of the above? None of the above? Some of each, but all of none? Every possible answer is on the table.
The mother who gave birth to a child while high on meth can appear normal and even pleasant in casual conversation. I cannot pretend to understand her station in life. I cannot know what the world looks like through her eyes or what she learned (or didn't learn) from her parents or family. But, I do know this: what she did was just about the worst display of judgment I can imagine.
Yet, somehow, decisions like hers aren't nearly as rare as they should be. I know because I can still see the image of a dead child from the file of my first-ever case.
My case involved a mother who was crashing from a meth high. Although a malfunctioning electric blanket inflicted the fatal heat levels, it was the mother who caused a death by placing her drug addiction ahead of the needs of an 11-week-old baby.
Some might call for execution as the only remedy to such horrible judgment as a violation of a basic and indisputable truth. Others will view the mother as a victim who must be rehabilitated as a nod to the uncertainty of greater truths in light of circumstances. Still others will grudgingly advocate rehab to avoid the unhappy consequence of a child without a mother (the pragmatic approach). I have no idea how to look at it, but I will not rationalize her behavior.
I simply cannot fathom such judgment and decision making. All attempts to explain seem like rationalization, which leads me to my greater point and how that relates to a greater truth.
The variations of poor judgment run the gamut. The examples above are extreme, of course. But, I have been considering the notion that we are less a rational species than a "rationalizing" one. This notion is not unique (I read an overview in one of Malcolm Gladwell's many brilliant books), but it is a harsh one that I hope to find unfitting.
When we discuss judgment, degrees are often used to justify behavior we know to be wrong. Maybe one person will say, "well, I did meth, but not while pregnant." Another may say, "I only drink and drive, but I've never killed anyone and I always took the back roads." Degrees aside, all the above involve poor judgment and dangerous behavior no matter how explained. Taken further, this example could lead to, "well, I didn't outright lie by leaving out the obvious relevant tidbit" to justify deception. Each degree takes us closer to what could be labeled the "actual truth."
In years past, I have contemplated some of the post-modern philosophical ideas and their general notion of subjective truths. Specifically, the idea that we can never really know if an action was "wrong" in the greater sense because we can't know all that is behind a given fact pattern. But, although some of those arguments are clever, I cannot shake the older (ironically titled "modern") belief in a firm right and wrong.
There is a lot of gray area between "right" and "wrong." I am certain of that. I am also certain it is not all gray.
I have decided that much of what we all consider gray area is constructed by our own rationalization. There is gray area, but it is smaller than many are willing to accept. That gray area can become as wide as we need it to be so as to justify ourselves. Although every person's map is unique, the larger the gray area, the more we fool ourselves.
My view of the gray area includes the unknowable (such as many religion-based arguments) and moral ambiguities (the "do you kill to potentially save?" type issues). I am sure there are more, but no matter where that difficult-to-find line is, the clearly marked areas cannot be missed.
Not doing drugs is clearly right. Driving while clearly sober is clearly right. Telling the truth even when it hurts is right.
We will all land squarely in the wrong at times. It will always happen. Only when we shade that side with gray and make ourselves comfortable therein do we perpetuate poor judgment. Sometimes we have to accept that "bad things happen," feel shame and re-settle in the clearly marked areas.
Of course, I'm already thinking of rationalizations to broaden my gray area so as not to offend ... and I think maybe therein lies the problem.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Holiday Update
... We are hosting Jen's dad for his holiday visit. In preparation for his visit, we showed Jacob some home movies of when he played trains with his grandfather during the last visit. We talked up the idea of trains and insisted that grandpa's arrival would lead to immense amounts of train play.
As a result, Jacob literally could not wait for Jen's dad to arrive and, once he did, Jacob absolutely pounced. He has referred to grandpa as "my best friend" and gets upset when he goes downstairs to take a break from the train onslaught.
... I learned not to try to explain death to a three year old. I hadn't reviewed that part of the manual. Now, whenever we mention "mommy's daddy" he turns to me and says "your dad is dead." Fun.
... Jacob caused an uproar when he and his cousins were baking with grandpa on Monday. Jacob doesn't like to miss anything with his cousins. So, he brought his training potty (which had been relegated for late-night necessity) into the kitchen and proceeded to do his business in the presence of all parties. The training potty is now hidden.
... Although I'm done with my year's allotment of books, I am still trying to get one more finished before 2010. Malcolm Gladwell literally teaches me about life. What a writer / reporter / journalist. I love his books. They just make you think.
... Gladwell touched on a topic I have taken a keen interest in lately: dancing dialogue. He discusses how people communicate through posture and movements. I always take note of how people compose their bodies, countenances, etc. while interacting. I am trying to utilize those traits for (you guessed it) my ever-in-the-works short story / book. I worked on that a little the other day, and it's moving slowly, but I feel like I know where its going.
... Health care reform is coming. I am glad it is almost here. The misleading information has been exposed, the problems with the bill as a result of compromise are apparent, and its time to start the process. If opponents of any reform at all win, nothing gets solved. It's time to provide options. And, yes, passing health care reform will be a monumental political feather in Obama's cap.
... I am off from work until January 4, 2010 and I plan on enjoying the time off.
... I want to wish everyone a happy holiday season.
As a result, Jacob literally could not wait for Jen's dad to arrive and, once he did, Jacob absolutely pounced. He has referred to grandpa as "my best friend" and gets upset when he goes downstairs to take a break from the train onslaught.
... I learned not to try to explain death to a three year old. I hadn't reviewed that part of the manual. Now, whenever we mention "mommy's daddy" he turns to me and says "your dad is dead." Fun.
... Jacob caused an uproar when he and his cousins were baking with grandpa on Monday. Jacob doesn't like to miss anything with his cousins. So, he brought his training potty (which had been relegated for late-night necessity) into the kitchen and proceeded to do his business in the presence of all parties. The training potty is now hidden.
... Although I'm done with my year's allotment of books, I am still trying to get one more finished before 2010. Malcolm Gladwell literally teaches me about life. What a writer / reporter / journalist. I love his books. They just make you think.
... Gladwell touched on a topic I have taken a keen interest in lately: dancing dialogue. He discusses how people communicate through posture and movements. I always take note of how people compose their bodies, countenances, etc. while interacting. I am trying to utilize those traits for (you guessed it) my ever-in-the-works short story / book. I worked on that a little the other day, and it's moving slowly, but I feel like I know where its going.
... Health care reform is coming. I am glad it is almost here. The misleading information has been exposed, the problems with the bill as a result of compromise are apparent, and its time to start the process. If opponents of any reform at all win, nothing gets solved. It's time to provide options. And, yes, passing health care reform will be a monumental political feather in Obama's cap.
... I am off from work until January 4, 2010 and I plan on enjoying the time off.
... I want to wish everyone a happy holiday season.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
End of the Year Book Report
This month ends year two of my "Book challenge" with, well, Book. As always, the goal is 24 per year, but this year we each received two "assignment" reads from the other. I assigned Richard Kluger's "Simple Justice" and Barrack Obama's "Faith of my Fathers" to Book.
I figured this would be a good time to give a rundown of the books I read this year and my thoughts on them. I will try to pick a top five and make notations on most memorable.
** Denotes a top 5 for the year.
THE STAT PADDERS
These books were easy reads, light reads, or whatever you want to use as a euphemism for "short." Hey, I have a job and a family, so I can't read ALL long books.
-- Ernie Davis: The Elmira Express, by Robert Gallagher. The true story of Ernie Davis and a really fun read. It was short if only because Davis' life was short. The most interesting information was from Davis' short pro career and his fight against cancer. There were also great stories about what it was like for the first African American Heisman winner to play games in the deep South. I never cease to be amazed at how relatively recently segregation gripped this nation.
-- Born Standing Up, by Steve Martin. This book included a lot of the behind-the-scenes stories of Martin's rise to fame. I had no idea how long or how diligently he worked to master the craft of comedy. The man worked hard to become funny. He also did drugs. Shocking, I know.
-- Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, by Chuck Klosterman. An essay book that was great fun to read. Although the essays are not all winners, the vast majority are, and he even managed to reel me into topics I would otherwise never explore. He is a very clever and intelligent writer, and very funny at times. Plus, he picked the right Star Wars movie as the best ever.
-- Me of Little Faith, by Lewis Black. Comedy book. Pretty disappointing on the whole. I should have read a different one by him. Mixing religion and comedy rarely works, and never works for a whole book.
-- Winston Churchill, by John Keegan. I must confess, I really wanted to read a thorough, long and detailed biography of Sir Winston Churchill, but none were available on Kindle, and I've become a Kindle snob, so I will hold out for a Kindle-worthy title. In the meantime, this very short book from the Penguin "biography" series provided me with a working knowledge of a true hero of WWII. Interesting, but more of a long (200 page) book report than a detailed account. Interesting, and informative. It did the job.
JUST A JOY TO READ
These books all contributed to my greater good mood. Each of these were fun to read and hard to put down.
-- Have a Nice Day, a tale of blood and sweat socks, by Mick Foley. Some of the most interesting stories I have ever read. This book kicked off a mini-fascination with pro wrestling for me. It's like watching a train wreck. I got my fill and moved on, but this book was memorable.
-- The Watchmen, by Alan Moore. Loved the movie. Loved the graphic novel. Really smart story and it even satisfied my need for politics.
** -- The Book of Basketball, by Bill Simmons. I love the NBA. I love somewhat off-color humor. I loved this book. One of the top five of the year. I may even read this one again because it has already sparked a number of NBA discussions among the guys. Never hurts that we now have stories to tell from the book signing.
-- Bowls, polls and tattered souls, by Stewart Mandel. I enjoy Mandel's writing. The book was interesting and pretty entertaining. This filled the void since neither Charlottesville, VA, nor Boulder, CO fielded anything close to college football teams in 2009. Seriously, this book WAS my college football season. Well, that and watching my boss get dragged through the mud by Notre Dame.
-- Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown. Much better than Angels and Demons (which I read last year). I loved the ending and enjoyed the story. Considering I'm usually not a fan of fiction, the fact I liked this book says something.
-- Boys Will Be Boys, by Jeff Pearlman. I've never liked the Dallas Cowboys, but their 90s teams were full of some colorful characters (and that puts it lightly). Just a lot of funny stories, debauchery, and more genital waving that I expected (Seriously, Charles Haley was a Loony Toon... who liked to show everyone his junk).
ULTIMATELY FORGETTABLE
I read less forgettable books this year than last, which is a good thing. Still, they can't all be winners.
-- How to Rig an Election, by Allan Raymond. Very disappointing. There was not much depth to this "inside" story of political espionage. More like one guy who went too far one time and got smacked for it.
-- As They See 'Em, by Bruce Webber. Impulse Kindle purchase. Somewhat interesting look at how umpires are trained. There were some interesting stories from former umps, but the umpire school parts were just ok.
-- The Lost Symbol, by Dan Brown. I have referred to this as "Angels and Da Vinci Lose a Symbol." This was at times compelling, but ultimately disappointing. Dan Brown found a formula and he refuses to deviate from it. Too predictable, too much of the same thing. Not much to the end. Ultimately, it was just one step too far into the conspiracy world. Reached a Tipping Point I think.
LIFE LESSONS
-- Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. See below.
**-- Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. See below.
-- The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. These three titles by Gladwell were all spectacular handbooks to life. Outliers supported my belief that you can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps because we don't control much of what allows success. The Tipping Point can be used to illustrate how most things in life really turn the corner. Blink taught me much about perceptions and how our inherent biases work without our knowledge or control. All three were just spectacular. Outliers gets into the top five because its lessons are the most applicable to everyday life.
**-- Brothers Karamozov, by Fyodore Dostoevsky. This is considered by many to be the greatest novel ever written. It was less a novel than a psychological study of various types of people. This book was very helpful in my slow and deliberate development of characters in my own story. The depth of this book cannot be adequately described. This is truly one of the greatest works ever written.
**-- Crime and Punishment, by Fyodore Dostoevsky. Another masterpiece by Dostoevsky. I LOVED the ending and its simplicity. The main character was completely fascinating and this book explored every inch of him. It also made his crime seem almost understandable considering his circumstances. The mind games he endured while trying to avoid capture were absorbing. Only Dostoevsky could create a character so completely. You will love him, hate him, sympathize with him and condemn him. And, in the end, you will understand him.
**-- Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin. One of the greatest books I have ever read. This wins the award if only because of my preference for nonfiction and for my obsession with politics. Abraham Lincoln was the greatest solver of problems I have ever read about. His deeds, demeanor, methods and overall genuine kindness are shown to the reader. There is less description than illustration. By the end, you will almost find yourself in tears at his assassination. You will also literally watch him save our nation.
THE REST
-- Seabiscuit, by Laura Hillenbrand. This book was assigned by Book, and it was good. He told me I would be rooting for a horse, and, although it didn't go that far for me, it was a well-told story. I enjoyed this book much more than I expected to. The people in the story were fascinating and complemented each other well. That's probably why they were so successful.
-- The Breaks of the Game, by David Halberstam. Simmons calls this the greatest basketball book ever written. It was a fascinating account. I love the idea of a book about a team that did not win a title. Those stories interest me more and there are not many written. I would love to read more books about teams that would be forgettable without a book having been written. It makes the story feel like a snapshot of what "teams" are like. It also included a lot of background information about how the league became what it is today.
-- American Lion, by Jon Meacham. This book won a Pulitzer. I learned a lot about Andrew Jackson and his presidency. I was most surprised about just how much drama soaked his White House. I was not as impressed as I expected to be, but it was a good work based on previously un-published personal writings. At times, the drama gets very soap-opera-ish.
-- Southern Storm, by Noah Andre Trudeau. "The Devil Born to Earth," as a friend once called Gen. Sherman, basically destroyed Georgia. This is a detailed account of his March to the Sea. It was interesting and read surprisingly quickly.
HOME STRETCH
I am finishing my final book and will be reading an extra one or two before the end of the year.
-- Eating the Dinosaur, by Chuck Klosterman. I am almost done with this one, and it is better than "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs." So far his very best work, and I would include it in the Joy section.
-- The Football Fan's Manifesto, by Michael Tunison. This will go into the forgettable section. I have been "close" to finishing this for quite a while. Just predictable and recycled football humor. I am only finishing it because I started it.
TOP 5
5. Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell.
4. The Book of Basketball, by Bill Simmons.
3. Brothers Karamozov, by Fyodore Dostoevsky.
2. Crime and Punishment, by Fyodore Dostoevsky.
1. Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin.
It's been another great year of reading. I am already getting the Kindle tuned up for 2010. As always, suggestions are welcome (and will most likely be followed if its available on Kindle).
I figured this would be a good time to give a rundown of the books I read this year and my thoughts on them. I will try to pick a top five and make notations on most memorable.
** Denotes a top 5 for the year.
THE STAT PADDERS
These books were easy reads, light reads, or whatever you want to use as a euphemism for "short." Hey, I have a job and a family, so I can't read ALL long books.
-- Ernie Davis: The Elmira Express, by Robert Gallagher. The true story of Ernie Davis and a really fun read. It was short if only because Davis' life was short. The most interesting information was from Davis' short pro career and his fight against cancer. There were also great stories about what it was like for the first African American Heisman winner to play games in the deep South. I never cease to be amazed at how relatively recently segregation gripped this nation.
-- Born Standing Up, by Steve Martin. This book included a lot of the behind-the-scenes stories of Martin's rise to fame. I had no idea how long or how diligently he worked to master the craft of comedy. The man worked hard to become funny. He also did drugs. Shocking, I know.
-- Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, by Chuck Klosterman. An essay book that was great fun to read. Although the essays are not all winners, the vast majority are, and he even managed to reel me into topics I would otherwise never explore. He is a very clever and intelligent writer, and very funny at times. Plus, he picked the right Star Wars movie as the best ever.
-- Me of Little Faith, by Lewis Black. Comedy book. Pretty disappointing on the whole. I should have read a different one by him. Mixing religion and comedy rarely works, and never works for a whole book.
-- Winston Churchill, by John Keegan. I must confess, I really wanted to read a thorough, long and detailed biography of Sir Winston Churchill, but none were available on Kindle, and I've become a Kindle snob, so I will hold out for a Kindle-worthy title. In the meantime, this very short book from the Penguin "biography" series provided me with a working knowledge of a true hero of WWII. Interesting, but more of a long (200 page) book report than a detailed account. Interesting, and informative. It did the job.
JUST A JOY TO READ
These books all contributed to my greater good mood. Each of these were fun to read and hard to put down.
-- Have a Nice Day, a tale of blood and sweat socks, by Mick Foley. Some of the most interesting stories I have ever read. This book kicked off a mini-fascination with pro wrestling for me. It's like watching a train wreck. I got my fill and moved on, but this book was memorable.
-- The Watchmen, by Alan Moore. Loved the movie. Loved the graphic novel. Really smart story and it even satisfied my need for politics.
** -- The Book of Basketball, by Bill Simmons. I love the NBA. I love somewhat off-color humor. I loved this book. One of the top five of the year. I may even read this one again because it has already sparked a number of NBA discussions among the guys. Never hurts that we now have stories to tell from the book signing.
-- Bowls, polls and tattered souls, by Stewart Mandel. I enjoy Mandel's writing. The book was interesting and pretty entertaining. This filled the void since neither Charlottesville, VA, nor Boulder, CO fielded anything close to college football teams in 2009. Seriously, this book WAS my college football season. Well, that and watching my boss get dragged through the mud by Notre Dame.
-- Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown. Much better than Angels and Demons (which I read last year). I loved the ending and enjoyed the story. Considering I'm usually not a fan of fiction, the fact I liked this book says something.
-- Boys Will Be Boys, by Jeff Pearlman. I've never liked the Dallas Cowboys, but their 90s teams were full of some colorful characters (and that puts it lightly). Just a lot of funny stories, debauchery, and more genital waving that I expected (Seriously, Charles Haley was a Loony Toon... who liked to show everyone his junk).
ULTIMATELY FORGETTABLE
I read less forgettable books this year than last, which is a good thing. Still, they can't all be winners.
-- How to Rig an Election, by Allan Raymond. Very disappointing. There was not much depth to this "inside" story of political espionage. More like one guy who went too far one time and got smacked for it.
-- As They See 'Em, by Bruce Webber. Impulse Kindle purchase. Somewhat interesting look at how umpires are trained. There were some interesting stories from former umps, but the umpire school parts were just ok.
-- The Lost Symbol, by Dan Brown. I have referred to this as "Angels and Da Vinci Lose a Symbol." This was at times compelling, but ultimately disappointing. Dan Brown found a formula and he refuses to deviate from it. Too predictable, too much of the same thing. Not much to the end. Ultimately, it was just one step too far into the conspiracy world. Reached a Tipping Point I think.
LIFE LESSONS
-- Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. See below.
**-- Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. See below.
-- The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. These three titles by Gladwell were all spectacular handbooks to life. Outliers supported my belief that you can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps because we don't control much of what allows success. The Tipping Point can be used to illustrate how most things in life really turn the corner. Blink taught me much about perceptions and how our inherent biases work without our knowledge or control. All three were just spectacular. Outliers gets into the top five because its lessons are the most applicable to everyday life.
**-- Brothers Karamozov, by Fyodore Dostoevsky. This is considered by many to be the greatest novel ever written. It was less a novel than a psychological study of various types of people. This book was very helpful in my slow and deliberate development of characters in my own story. The depth of this book cannot be adequately described. This is truly one of the greatest works ever written.
**-- Crime and Punishment, by Fyodore Dostoevsky. Another masterpiece by Dostoevsky. I LOVED the ending and its simplicity. The main character was completely fascinating and this book explored every inch of him. It also made his crime seem almost understandable considering his circumstances. The mind games he endured while trying to avoid capture were absorbing. Only Dostoevsky could create a character so completely. You will love him, hate him, sympathize with him and condemn him. And, in the end, you will understand him.
**-- Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin. One of the greatest books I have ever read. This wins the award if only because of my preference for nonfiction and for my obsession with politics. Abraham Lincoln was the greatest solver of problems I have ever read about. His deeds, demeanor, methods and overall genuine kindness are shown to the reader. There is less description than illustration. By the end, you will almost find yourself in tears at his assassination. You will also literally watch him save our nation.
THE REST
-- Seabiscuit, by Laura Hillenbrand. This book was assigned by Book, and it was good. He told me I would be rooting for a horse, and, although it didn't go that far for me, it was a well-told story. I enjoyed this book much more than I expected to. The people in the story were fascinating and complemented each other well. That's probably why they were so successful.
-- The Breaks of the Game, by David Halberstam. Simmons calls this the greatest basketball book ever written. It was a fascinating account. I love the idea of a book about a team that did not win a title. Those stories interest me more and there are not many written. I would love to read more books about teams that would be forgettable without a book having been written. It makes the story feel like a snapshot of what "teams" are like. It also included a lot of background information about how the league became what it is today.
-- American Lion, by Jon Meacham. This book won a Pulitzer. I learned a lot about Andrew Jackson and his presidency. I was most surprised about just how much drama soaked his White House. I was not as impressed as I expected to be, but it was a good work based on previously un-published personal writings. At times, the drama gets very soap-opera-ish.
-- Southern Storm, by Noah Andre Trudeau. "The Devil Born to Earth," as a friend once called Gen. Sherman, basically destroyed Georgia. This is a detailed account of his March to the Sea. It was interesting and read surprisingly quickly.
HOME STRETCH
I am finishing my final book and will be reading an extra one or two before the end of the year.
-- Eating the Dinosaur, by Chuck Klosterman. I am almost done with this one, and it is better than "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs." So far his very best work, and I would include it in the Joy section.
-- The Football Fan's Manifesto, by Michael Tunison. This will go into the forgettable section. I have been "close" to finishing this for quite a while. Just predictable and recycled football humor. I am only finishing it because I started it.
TOP 5
5. Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell.
4. The Book of Basketball, by Bill Simmons.
3. Brothers Karamozov, by Fyodore Dostoevsky.
2. Crime and Punishment, by Fyodore Dostoevsky.
1. Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin.
It's been another great year of reading. I am already getting the Kindle tuned up for 2010. As always, suggestions are welcome (and will most likely be followed if its available on Kindle).
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