Of Politics and Wrestling

I just finished reading Game Change about the 2008 Presidential election and I was struck by how similar the world of politics is to the world of professional wrestling. And soap operas. I loved every page of the book, but felt mildly dirty for enjoying it.

A majority of the book deals with the Democratic primaries for obvious reasons. The Democrats had a much longer and more intense fight for the party's nomination. The book focuses on the three top candidates: Obama, Clinton and John Edwards. It also breaks down the Republican primary and the general, but the Democratic primary took the majority.

The reason this book made me think of professional wrestling is not simply my recent reading of Hitman. I thought of wrestling because of how much of campaigning is BS and how both sides of a given story KNOW it's BS, yet turn the political knife anyway. For example, in the general election between Obama and McCain, the book stated unequivocally that the McCain campaign knew darn well that Obama's famous "lipstick on a pig" comment had nothing to do with Sarah Palin. They demanded an apology to court Hillary supporters and women in general and to put the Obama campaign on the defensive. I single this story out because of how explicitly the book stated that no one in the McCain camp actually thought Obama meant Palin. I must mention, that Republicans certainly were not alone in this tactic.

Each campaign would be both embarrassed and flattered by its portrayal in this book. There were tales of opportunism, brilliance and underhandedness everywhere and no campaign was spared. The Obama campaign looked the best, but was clearly not immune from playing in the mud.

Some observations:

-- I was shocked that the title of "craziest person" in any campaign was not won by the odds-on favorites (Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin in whatever order), but rather by Elizabeth Edwards. This shocked me because I never saw Mrs. Edwards as a candidate in the race for nut-job of the campaign season. Trust me when I say it took a cancer diagnosis for anyone associated with the Edwards campaign to feel a twinge of sympathy for her. Of course, it's not every day that a multi-millionaire angrily threatens to suspend the health insurance of all campaign workers until hers is secured. Even less predictable would be someone doing so on a national call attended by many of the lowest paid / hardest working organizers hitting the pavement. Multi-millionaires also do not often expose themselves while in an argument. Like I said, it wasn't even close.

(Just a few more Elizabeth stories because I can't resist: She called John a "hick" in front of other people and derided his parents as rednecks; and She laughed at the idea that John would read a book and claimed to be the smart one.)

-- Bill Clinton is a hothead, but he appreciates evil genius even when he's the victim. When the Obama campaign called him on his reference to Jesse Jackson winning South Carolina, clearly implying something, Clinton was now portrayed as a racist, at least by implication. The book says that "though it infuriated (Clinton), he could not help but respect the artfulness of the play... I wish our people were more like that, Bill said." He's an angry, bitter man, but he appreciates a good move. Of course Bill also said the Ted Kennedy: "the only reason you're endorsing him is because he's black. Let's just be clear." So, it's not like Bill didn't give the Obama camp any openings.

-- With whom did Clinton counsel about being essentially called a racist? George W. Bush. Clinton bitched to W about the betrayals he suffered for 15 minutes and W said "I know you aren't a racist." This was like seeing King Kong Bundy and Hulk Hogan laughing over a few beers at a local pub in the mid 80s or something. This is why wrestling is more like politics than we'd like to admit. They play up the hatred in public, but they're all just colleagues behind the scenes. W and Bill apparently talked "more often than almost anyone knew" during W's reign. THE CURTAIN HAS BEEN LIFTED! I mean... what can I possibly add? Talk about breaking the fourth wall. We are all being had.

-- Obama is absolutely as cool as the other side of the pillow, just as commonly perceived. His best quote was before his 2004 keynote address at the DNC nominating Kerry. "I'm LeBron, baby. I can play on this level. I got some game." Another was before his first debate with McCain when he calmed one nervous aid by putting his hand on her shoulder and saying calmly one-hour before go-time "Don't worry. I got this." Obama seemed to never let anger rattle him, but he was portrayed as whiny regarding the rigorous schedule and could be passive-aggressive. Still, he is the only one who seemed genuinely loved by his staff.

-- Hillary avoids conflict like the plague when dealing with individuals and yet is prone to fits of anger at her staff as a whole. She also does nothing to diffuse internal problems and tends to let them simmer. Her and Bill held a deep belief that the press was in the tank for Obama (which is probably true) and a never-ending suspicion of foul play. Even after it was all over they were both convinced Obama bused people into Iowa from Illinois.

-- The second-place finisher for crazy person of the campaign is actually Judi Giuliani, and she was only second because she was mentioned so infrequently. But, stories of her instability were potent, if brief. She had worked for a medical supply firm that exterminated puppies as part of its sales demonstration. That's right, she somehow was linked to puppy murder. You can't make this stuff up. Her only response was that it was a long time ago and she couldn't remember her involvement. I would think one would know if one was or was not involved in the murder of puppies. Had Rudy been a bigger threat to win, her stories would have been the highlight of the book.

(Giuliani had to answer her cell phone calls EVEN IF IN THE MIDDLE OF A SPEECH - and he did - because, in his words "it's a lot better that way." I am not kidding, she finishes second.)

-- Sarah Palin's lack of preparation, absence of mental curiosity and basic inability to grasp ground-level concepts actually and literally frightened McCain's staff. Preparing her for the debate took on the kind of prep work normally reserved for moon landings and her "success" at parroting the talking points they made her memorize (and calling Biden "Joe" because she could NOT stop calling him Obiden in rehearsal) was celebrated as a major accomplishment. The fact she may be third on the crazy chart is a testament to Elizabeth and Judi and should not be seen as a vindication of Sarahcuda. McCain advisers actually surreptitiously had her monitored by a doctor to see if she was "mentally unstable."

(It should be noted that Bill Clinton is easily the third-craziest spouse and gives Palin a run for her money. His clear edge in brain power puts him fourth behind Palin, but it's closer than one would think).

-- Huckabee actually questioned whether Romney had a soul. Coming from a former pastor, that made me chuckle.

-- Lindsay Graham, John McCain and Joe Lieberman could not stop watching the Youtube video of John Edwards fixing his hair. They watched it over and over and laughed until they had tears in their eyes. "Let's look at it again!" McCain would command. Again, this made me chuckle.

-- Obama's amazing ability to put the bitterness of the primary campaign was awe-inspiring. He was literally the only one of his entire staff (including Michelle) who was willing to give Hillary a position in the administration. His reasoning? "She's going to be really good at this job." He would not take "No" for an answer and made a compelling case to Hillary. He told her that the economy was going to command his focus and he would require someone to hold down the foreign policy part of things. He said she was the only one he could really trust to do this. After reading all the amazing battles their campaigns fought, this is nothing short of amazing and made me think of Team of Rivals and how Lincoln kept back-stabbing rival Soloman Chase around because he was such a good Treasury Secretary. All he cared is that she would be the best person for the job. Same with Biden for VP.

So, there you have it. Campaigning is a business, it is entertaining, it involves steel chairs upon the heads of unsuspecting victims and they all end up having beers together in the end. It's like I read the Hitman book all over again. And, just like a wrestling book, it feels like a guilty pleasure or like I got caught watching a soap opera. I loved this book, and that makes me feel dirty.