Black Friday 2

Well, last year I spent Black Friday watching Colorado vs. Nebraska with Book and we had such a grand time documenting the experience via duelling-running-diaries that we did it again. Although, considering that Book and I debated whether I can call this season a disaster or not, it was probably a poor choice on my part. We brought the Fuzz along, so this should be fun.

To make matters worse, we chose Jackson's as the setting. Jackson's featured many tractors-full of Husker fans and even a Nebraska-themed "raffle" giving away various signs you might be a redneck. I should have known what lay ahead when I saw riding mowers with sidecars in the parking lot, but I plowed ahead anyway.

Must be time for some football! (Time stamp denotes official game time in the indicated quarter).

FIRST QUARTER

14:25 -- CU's first possession ends in a 68-yard TD pass to TE Geer. Color me shocked. Once again, the Buffs are trying to reel me in. I'm not yet fooled (yet) because I know the Buff defense stinks. Still, nice start.

7-0 CU

11:07 -- After forcing a punt, CU goes 80-yards in two plays for another TD. Demitrius Sumler rumbles 36 yards untouched to give CU a 14-point lead. I know he was untouched because he was standing when he reached the endzone. That's the farthest Sumler has run without falling down since the IHOP opened near his dorm. I guess what I'm saying is if Sumler goes 36 yards, maybe NU's defense can keep the Buffs' hopes alive!

CU capitalizes by kicking a squib kick and handing the Huskers wonderful field position.
14-0 CU

5:46 -- Nebraska scores when its TE failed to drop a pass because of sun glare. He was so alone, the sun was CU's only defense. NU celebrates with a mass-release of red balloons. State of the art stadiums and jumbo trons may be the new thing, but the locals apparently remain puzzled by the mystery of floating rubber.

This seem like a good time to mention that the Jackson's Husker fans cheer wildly for every first down. It must really stink to have nothing else to look forward to in life but wind and corn stalks. These folks haven't been this happy since they successfully welded a sidecar onto a riding mower.

The broadcast just showed a tractor of some sort shooting grain of some sort into another truck on a dreary day as it transitioned to commercial. "Visit Nebraska, where tractor rides and boredom happen." I'm bitter.

14-7 CU

4:04 -- After a CU three-and-out, Nebraska scores on one play. I knew it would happen, but I was hoping CU could hold the lead for an entire quarter. Apparently #47 for CU is the nephew of one Tony Lilly because of his unique ability to squander the angle with his special lack of speed. I think he was 10 yards behind the TE 25 yards down the field. (For those not "in the know" about Mr. Lilly, he's the Bronco safety who can be seen on NFL films chasing at least four different Redskin receivers from no closer than 10 yards away in SB XXII).

14-14 tie (that was quick)

Above: The only time Tony Lilly has ever touched Art Monk (It must be in the end zone).

1:56 -- Cody Hawkins has a pass deflected by one Husker and picked by another. NU has the ball in the red zone. Uh oh. I openly wonder how the heck that happens and Book lays down the truth. "That's what happens when your QB is 5-7." My response? (bleep).

SECOND QUARTER

12:14 -- Nebraska kicks a field goal.

17-14 NU.

9:05 -- After a great kickoff return by Josh Smith of CU, the Buffs proceed to go gimmicky and bring in the running QB (Hansen). This leads to my pounding on the table and becoming essentially combative. Hansen (the running QB with no arm) proceeds to run two straight QB draws (who knew?). Cody comes back in to get the first down on third-and-long and then each QB takes a turn at being sacked. CU has been experimenting with QB rotation this year and it makes me crazy.

CU's 5-of-16 kicker who was run out of Laramie for incompetence manages to tie the game leading to Book and Fuzz being subjected to my all-time frustration rant. The kicker must possess pictures of a naked Dan Hawkins flirting with a bunch of rodeo clowns. There is no other reason for him to be the starting kicker. I mean, this guy missed (MISSED!!!) an XP in OT to give UVA a victory over UW a few years back. I guess he isn't all bad.

A two-minute drive has accomplished 15 yards and, against all odds, three points. I'm officially upset.

(By the way, the QB-rotation-during-a-game-to-keep-them-off-balance trick has NEVER worked in the history of humanity. Dan Hawkins, we need to have a talk. If I were the AD, any coach I hire would have only one rule -- If you ever rotate QBs in any one game, you are FIRED!!!! I don't ask for much.)

17-17 tie (against all odds, the kick was good).

DO NOT TRY THIS ON YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM!!!

6:04 -- Book and Fuzz are still talking me down from my epic rant regarding QB shuffles. I think I'm making surrounding patrons uncomfortable. (Does no one remember when the Broncos shuffled Shawn Moore and Tommy Maddox? Anyone? )

2:03 -- Nebraska finishes a textbook long, grinding drive. They used the same QB for the duration and he never got tired. Like a tractor cutting through tall grass, the Huskers would not be denied.

24-17 NU.

2:00 -- Nebraska accidentally recovered an onside kick when their short kick hit #32 for CU right in the face. Nebraska is looking to end it right here.

1:11 -- A stroke of luck! Nebraska lines up for what would be a long field goal, but the snapper flips the ball over his head to the kicker, who is awaiting the blind-pitch. A CU player intercepts it and takes it to the house for an improbable TD right before the half. Amazing play. CU managed to tie the game without taking a snap on offense for what seems like days.

24-24 tie at the half.

THIRD QUARTER

9:49 -- Nebraska took more than 5 minutes to march the length of the field and take the lead with a field goal. It feels like forever since CU was on offense. This is what you get for taunting the football Gods with blasphemous QB rotations.

27-24 NU

5:39 -- CU responds with a nice drive of its own that includes some huge third-down conversions. Sumler rumbles for another TD. Someone get that man some pancakes!

31-27 CU

1:31 -- Nebraska is marching down the field slowly again. The Buff defense has got to be spent. Nebraska now holds a 64-26 advantage in offensive snaps and a 34-12 time-of-possession advantage. Somehow, CU still leads.

FOURTH QUARTER

12:45 - 8:55 -- After a long march, Nebraska fumbles on the Buff 5. Unfortunately, CU manages four plays before punting again. I am now being restrained by Book and Fuzz. NU gets the punt and starts at the CU 25. This is asking an awful lot from a defense that has been on the field all game. Still, CU holds the Huskers to another FG.

31-30 CU (inconceivably)

8:03 -- CU gets the ball back. They have learned their lesson with alternating QBs, but they run two-straight QB draws with the one who can't run. I give up. Book says "isn't that Hansen in at QB now just to test my tolerance for rapid blood-pressure spikes. "No, I guess that's still Cody... I wonder why they ran it with him twice. Oh well." That was mean.

An improbable third-and-long conversion prompts Book to state that the Buffs have entered the "twilight zone" where everything goes right for them. I stare a hole through him.

4:43 -- CU punts and Nebraska will have another shot at winning the game against a CU defense as punch drunk as Gerry Cooney in a 1980s title fight. This should be nerve-wracking. (On a side note, the announcer just said that Nebraska needs a point to tie. Chew on that one for awhile).

2:28 -- After Nebraska gutted CU's defense to get into easy scoring range, CU comes up with an improbable sack at the CU 40, setting up a fourth-and-twenty-five with the game on the line. Looks like CU holds on. At this point, Book decides to say we should do this every year since it's a good luck charm now that CU has won.

1:43 -- A Nebraska fan shouts "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" as the kicker lines up for a 57-yard field goal. The 57-yarder goes through with about 4 yards to spare and Jackson's erupts. I again stare a hole through Book. I then beat him over the head with my chair... in my mind.

Fuzz then intentionally piles on by pointing out that CU has avoided turnovers to this point.

33-31 NU

1:24 -- Another tipped pass is picked off and, this time, returned for a TD. Fuzz is now very proud of himself and takes full credit for the pick-6. It's deserved. I am now thinking of beating the riding mower traffic out of the establishment. The mass-clicking of overalls into place signals the coming rush for the door.

40-31 NU FINAL

Just for the record, I think there is NO WAY FSU (Book's favorite team) could EVER give up 70 points to Florida. How's that for a reverse jinx?

Well, at least I didn't get trampled at the mall by crazy Black Friday shoppers. Rather, I subjected myself to a herd of Buffalo trampling my heart.