My Drug of Choice

I am reading Infinite Jest and only Infinite Jest. Well, at least until I need a break.  And that will happen.  But it will pull at me and call to me even when it repulses me.  

David Foster Wallace is apparently my drug of choice.  He makes me think too much.  His writing is a frustrating fixation, the intake of which I promise myself I can control (denial? Is it a river?).  I love his Vulcan-like intellect, but it wears me out and impacts my sleep.  I love everything about his style, but it can be infuriating at times and makes me see too much behind my eyelids.  I find truths of human psychology and gallows humor scattered in a field of tar and sap.

Dave brought up an analogy of DFW as my "crazy bitch" and I can't shout that down.  I just read Of Human Bondage, by W. Summerset Maugham, which featured a classic terrible girlfriend in American literature.  And, as Dave so well explained, I may have found my "Mildred."

Before I subject the internet to a basic text conversation that led to the analogy, I offer a bit of background.  I read The Pale King early in 2013 and loved it despite its trudging pace. (you can read that Here).  I started IJ shortly thereafter. It was good, but I had other book obligations and decided that IJ requires a certain level of concentration.  So, I proceeded to devour other books, assigned books, and my final book club book to clear the path for my one true fix.  

I have enjoyed my other books, but my peripheral has never lost sight of Infinite Jest.  And, for me, it isn't just about DFW the writer (OK, it is, but not quite 100%), but the subject matter itself as well.  I have written before that the farcical view is often therapeutic and there are parts of my day-to-day life that require a certain level of gallows humor for survival. I'll just say I often see the worst of many parts of life, and a systematically farcical look at a serious world is extremely appealing to me as an intellectual journey and exercise.  

Last week, I finally zeroed in on IJ exclusively.

I have broken my own rules for the sake of DFW (drug content, long sentences, gallows satire) and would do so again.  These are usually rules I take seriously (see Catch 22, which was just too silly and absurd to me).  Does it make sense that one form of gallows satire appeals while another repels?  No, but nothing about what draws me to DFW makes sense.  He just does it better than anyone else.  

As Dave pointed out, he may just be the "crazy bitch" I never had. 

So, that is what led to this post.  As you can see in the text exchange below, I can't stop talking about this book.  This is interesting to me because I get to flush this out from an outside perspective otherwise shut off to me.  So, here is an example of one exchange over the course of an evening and following morning this past weekend.  

It started by discussing Chuck Palahniuk's book Choke and led to this (My commentary with a * and I sacrificed a bit of grammar for text authenticity, so please forgive... DFW would not forgive it... oh well): 

Joe:  He has a touch of DFW… Like DFW’s shallower, more angry part of the pool.

Dave: That’s the most flattering thing I could have hoped for you to say.*
* I could have compared him to DFW directly, but would not.

Joe: I said a “touch”… It is still one book but love his style.  I need to get back to IJ and all else can suck it… Once I finish Choke, that is.

Joe: IJ tidbit of the day: drug rehab counselor specializing in clichés as the patient critiques the method… that is the conversation… “This AA tactic of masking condescension behind humility…” ... “AA’s response to a question about its axioms, then, is to invoke an axiom about the inadvisability of all such questions?”

Dave: You gotta stop quoting DFW at people, you could hurt somebody.  Fuck. Reading that aloud pains my head.

Joe: That IJ convo?  A dude went into rehab just to look around and he is now labeled as “in denial” and cannot get out.  All protestations that he is not an addict further solidify his being in denial… Funny ass shit!*
* And sad... also sad (but still funny).

Dave: That’s like the Jon Ronson story…

Joe: Every quote by the staff is a slogan / axiom… Every single one. Fucking brilliant.*
* It really is brilliant.  Quite a fun thing to read.

Dave: He doesn’t think much of therapy/rehab.

Joe: The quote that hurts your head would need context probably… Just the same thing of everything being a farce.  Slogans run the world.

Dave: Just noticing that from both books.  It would make sense given his background.  That quote hurt enough w/o context.  Just the way the prose rolled. Poetic flogging.*
* Poetic flogging describes so much of every book DFW wrote.

Joe: He’ll do that… they talk about the guy who wandered in like “can’t wait for him to have his breakdown where he admits his problem and stops denying.” Excited to “finally help” when he does.  Awesome stuff.

Joe: Poetic flogging is right. Pale King too.

Dave: Yeah, some of the tax form stuff. 

Joe: I just read the second footnote within a long footnote and chuckled…*
*This begins my journey into epic footnote 110.

Dave: Footnotes! Hopefully they’re more interesting than Pale King’s footnotes #trollin’

Joe: How dare you!

Dave: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Joe: It is gold... Gold I tell you! Although different than Pale King, it is as gold and you would like it bc it does not try to illustrate boredom.  … (6^th subfootnote in a really long footnote btw).*
*I had no idea what I was in for on this footnote and had to finish it the next day.

Dave: I’m sure I would like it… Good lord.

Joe: 7^th… He sent his own mom a form letter* to fans complete with fill-in-the-blanks… Fantastic! The footnote continues…

*This was a form letter of the New Orleans Saints from the team punter, Orin, to his mother.

Dave: You need a daily blog while you are reading this book.*
* Not sure about daily, but I am giving this a go on Dave's suggestion.

Joe: Should I summarize my texts to you ? Or is that just going to get me put into rehab and accused of denial?

Joe: This would be a bigger accomplishment than W&P*.  Harder to read in different ways… No translation issues or cultural gaps but deeper in a personal way that requires more effort… I fully expect that to be disavowed by everyone I know.
* War & Peace, by Leo Tolstoy

Dave: What? That’s crazy. You’re crazy.

Joe: As I said… fully expected disavowal.

Dave: Well… it’s a subjective argument. So I can’t disavow you for having an opinion.

Joe: W&P is deeper in a general human way… this is deep in how I look at the particularly-ridiculous parts of MODERN culture…

Dave: That’s fair. Having read him once, he is an extremely difficult author to read.  There was an accomplishment feeling with finishing that book (The Pale King). 

Joe: Still in that footnote, so, yeah, I concur.  IJ is pulling me in, but I also understand why so many hate even reading him.  For some reason this makes it better to me.

Dave: It’s the beauty of having something (almost) all to yourself.  Well, think of it this way. I’ve never had the chance to hear you talk about being with a difficult woman, lack of experience and all that. Your remarks on DFW sort of fill that role. Kind of.*
* Go on...

Joe: Works (I guess). He inspires stuff in me. It is such an acquired taste.

Dave: I guess what I’m saying is that David Foster Wallace is the crazy bitch in your life.* Aren’t all great things acquired tastes?

* I married very very well.  Seriously, I have no idea what it's like to have a nutty girlfriend or wife. Jen spoils me.  That (crazy) is NOT a role I was hoping to fill.

Joe: It fits. I usually hate drug writing. .. usually hate wordiness… He’s like chasing Mildred *… wait… son of a..

*Of Human Bondage reference right there, and I just got Dave's point.

Dave: Mind: Blown.*

*Sweet!

Joe: Not sure how IJ would sit for you. No reaction would surprise me. (Subnote 9, btw*).
*This footnote is really long, folks.

Dave: From what you told me, I think I’d like it. Clearly not as much as you, but that’s a given. Being even slightly more accessible than Pale King can only help. 

Joe: It still has its moments… I am still reading a footnote, for example.. But it is a great one and all 10 subnotes are short.

Dave: The sub-footnoes are short. Do you see what arguments that crazy bitch has you making?

Joe: If only you could see how it was that first time I read Lobster… If I could get back to that…

Dave: /shudders.

Joe: Subnote 11… realizing she may be a bit “off” a bit.

Dave: Still think you should throw updates for IJ. That’s a great idea.*
* Well, we'll see how this goes.

Joe: I’m afraid of how that will sound when I read it as a bystander. That footnote was 16 pages, 12 subs and like 8 pt. font. 6 actual “book” pages read last night.*
*This was written the next day when I finished the footnote over lunch.

Dave: Sweet zombie Jesus.

Joe: It was fantastic, though.  What can I say? That crazy bitch is great for me.

Dave: That crazy bitch will be the death of you!!

SIDE NOTE:  My writing project got slowed down by life a bit, but I have been formulating scenes and taking notes. I also feel like reading IJ will propel me to another session of productivity.  In fact, I don't want to write too much of it without first having read IJ because I can only benefit from the absorption of DFW's writing.